10 ways to crassly cash in on Homer Bailey's No-Hitter

USA TODAY Sports

A Friday list.

Senate Pub downtown came up with a fun way for for recognizing Homer's feat:

Today's Dog is.... The "Homer F#^kin Bailey" he's a wood grilled all beef dog on a brioche bun, topped w country gravy, BBQ pulled pork, local f#^kin cheese curds, bacon fat fries & cilantro. We're proud of this dog, as its pretty exciting. However some folks may need to "Lighten Up" a little bit, for them we suggest the salad.

But if you want to be trashier and get more profit, do these instead:

10. Sell a Homer Bailey "no-hitter"
This is if you own a head shop. It's a small cylinder that you can't do anything with.

9. Sell an album by a reality talent show also-ran
"In honor of Homer Bailey, here's an album with NO HITS on it!" This is if you own a record shop.

8. Don't hit on anyone
I'm not sure how to profit from this exactly, but it might be one of those "pays off in the long-run" things. Just don't - it's unbecoming.

7. Do one of those "If they mated"-style facial merges with Homer Bailey's Face and Nolan Ryan's face
Get paid not to show it to anyone.

6. Sell a "Homer Bailey's Irish Cream"
"Get it? Just like the other night against the Giants?" as you point into an empty cup. This is if you own a bar. Profit is 100%, less the nominal cost of washing the cup and whatever getting punched costs.

5. Sell a pair of shorts with Homer's face on the front and the phrase "He made a no hitter" on the back
Everyone does t-shirts. But no one seems to do commemorative, cheaply-screen-printed cotton shorts. They're like shirts for your lower body.

4. Sell one of those acrylic cubes that they use for game-used baseballs and it's empty
It contains every hit from the game Homer Bailey pitched on Tuesday, July 2 and it's signed by Homer Bailey. This is if you own a hobby shop.

3. Print a shirt that says "I just fuckin' walked (with) a guy"
And super-imposes Homer's head on a West Wing era Rob Lowe.

2. Print a t-shirt that says "I just fuckin' walked a dog"
This is if you own a dog-walking business. Or want a premise for a t-shirt based joke.

1. Really anything with the f-word, Homer Bailey and/or a sad-looking Buster Posey visibly regretting what he did during Game 5

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Red Reporter

You must be a member of Red Reporter to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Red Reporter. You should read them.

Join Red Reporter

You must be a member of Red Reporter to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Red Reporter. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker