The struggle and inquiry of a certain Shortstop named Cozart

My dream in this world is to write columns specifically for the reds, being the team Iv rooted on even through those god awful bullpen days we called the mid 2000's. This is my first attempt of many rants and raves that will ultimately lead to nothing, so here we go.

Zack Cozart. The name just gives me headaches. The name makes me shudder at the thought of constant 6-4-3 double plays and strikeouts with a guy on third and less than one out. This of course results in me throwing my radio across the room and uttering those fateful words we say all to often anymore, "Why do you torture us like this Dusty!"

As if it wasn't bad enough that Dusty couldn't manage a pitcher to save his life, we'll add nonchalant, repeated lineup blunders in. Why, Dusty, why? Your the reason I had to pay 25 bucks for a new radio at best buy today!

What exactly is going through your head Dusty? Through all the criticism, you just sit there, chewing on your toothpick, throwing out the same freaking lineup day after day. One that is not producing championship results, but you continue to not change a bit, and refuse to apologize for it. Well Dusty you didn't ask but here's all the help you need to get this team back to 97 wins.

Bat cozart 7th or 8th for the love of Dave Concepción. I'm going to say the same thing I thought about Stubbs, I won't hate you as much, if your not ruining the top of the reds order and MY FREAKING FANTASY TEAM! I'm pretty sure Dusty didn't draft votto on ESPNs fantasy draft and is now sabatoging his RBI efforts. Anyways.

It seems simple right? Move cozart down to the bottom where his unproductive out won't hurt our 3-4-5 guy's stats. But your quick to point out, who do you put at the second slot at least till ludwick gets back? And that answer is quite simple. Its 2 words, they start with a C and an H. And it rhymes with Wiss Reisey. Yes, the reds savior for the time being, and at least till ludwick is 100% good again, is Chris Heisey.

When Ludwick went down, the first thing I told my brother was, "Its time for Heisey to live up to that hype he used to have. Im pretty sure a 25 home run 80 RBI season is coming up". Well, up and till a couple weeks ago, I would have admitted I was wrong. Well, after a long cold spell and an injury, id been the first to tell you Heisey wasn't the life preserver for our drowning team (but I sure as hell know platooning Robinson and Paul wasn't it either (Damnit Dustttttyyyy)). But a resurgence from off the DL, it looks like our boy finally found that power stroke from his rookie year.

And Dusty even tried it! That 5-2 loss against the braves where Inconsistent Homer struck again. However, Heisey batted leadoff and went 1-4 with a near, just miss home run, double. I almost jumped for joy when I saw his name slotted in the top half. Almost cried! Tears of non dusty ashamed joy! However, I still say Heisey would do a lot better in the two hole, which would also split up the lefties. Just saying, any idiot could figure that one out. DUSTYYYYY.

There you go Baker, the original, uncomplicated idea from bigredmachine31. YOU CAN HAVE THE IDEA AND TAKE THE CREDIT, JUST. DO. IT.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Red Reporter

You must be a member of Red Reporter to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Red Reporter. You should read them.

Join Red Reporter

You must be a member of Red Reporter to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Red Reporter. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.