Farmers Only: Cingranna Need a New Pair of Pants

fuck cancer - Jamie Sabau

Let's get Farmy, y'all.

  • Louisville walked off in their opener against the Mud Hens, 4-3. Tony Cingrani was magnificent. In the third inning of his first start in AAA, Doug Gray tweeted this:

    So yeah, he struck out the next guy too—and also 6 more guys—in six hitless innings. He walked one to lose the perfecto, and left after 84 pitches. Bullpen, shmullpen. Mr. Dirt goes on to say that the breaking stuff was inconsistent, but that when it was on, it was pretty filthy. Mike "Wily Mo" Hessman went yard twice, and Felix "Pussyville has its Follies" Perez walked it out off after some jerkwad named Kevin Whelan coughed up the lead in the top of the ninth. Have I mentioned how awesome Tony Cingrani was? Damn, he was awesomebuttcleavage. Up next: Armando Galarraga aims for perfection against Toledo at 6:35
  • Pensacola won a bit more comfortably, beating Tennessee 7-3. The Wahoos' 3 through 6 hitters all honked wangers (not consecutively), and Chad Rogers had a decent start, going 5 innings with 4H, 2ER, 1BB, and 4K. Yohan Pino is apparently not the fifth starter as I conjectured in my Wahoos preview, seeing as he pitched the sixth and seventh as Mr. Rogers' neighbor. Besides homers from Bryson Smith, Travis Mattair, Tucker Barnhart (who had 2 hits, woo), and DONALD LUTZ (schieße ja!), Brodie Greene went 2-3 with 2 runs scored. Up next: Josh Smith takes on not the Biscuits at 8:05.
  • Bakersfield wasn't so lucky, falling to Stockton 6-2. Yorman Rodriguez knocked in both runs with a double, and Ryan Wright had two hits. Tanner Robles wasn't great as the starter, giving up 4 runs in 3 innings, but El'Hajj "Mrs. Cy Schourek" Muhammad did pitch a scoreless ninth. Up next: Carlos Contreras faces Stockton at 7:05 Weez o'clock.
  • Dayton did the opposite of Louisville, getting walked off on by West Michigan, 7-6, in 10 innings. Robert "Weez's favorite I have his autograph thanks -ManBearPig" Stephenson gave up 3 runs in 5 innings, but from what I've heard, 4 of the 6 hits were bloops. He did strike out 6 and only walked 1, so I'm calling it a good sign. After Tony Amezcua forgot he wasn't pitching batting practice (3 runs, 0 outs), Wes Mugarian, Mother of Dragons, played fireman, tossing 2 perfect frames. Junior "Don't Call me Jodi" Arias hit a screamer of a home run to tie the game in the sixth, but it was all for naught as Sean Lucas gave it up in the bottom of the tenth. Up next: Community Prospector Ismael Guillon takes on West Michigan at 11am.

Ed note: I would just like to say that I really missed writing these, and I hope that you enjoy reading them half as much as I enjoy writing them. Go Reds minor leagues, they're my favorite farm teams!

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