The Enemy Speaks: Pirates Series

Welcome to this Pirates Series edition of The Enemy Speaks (formerly known as From the Opponents' Feed). Here are the interesting tidbits gleaned from NOT listening to the Brennemen, but rather to the opposing team's announcers, who often have different, interesting, or mock-able insights, observations, and stories that the Brennemen don't work hard enough to harvest. Because they are more annoying than Fran Drescher's voice.

Quote of the Series: Not sure who said this to whom...

"How would you know? When was the last time you were on a road trip?!?"

On Votto: "The power will come. not only because he's that good, but also because of that hitter-friendly ballpark."

On facing the formidable Reds: "They've got a very good lineup. If we can shut em out, we've got a shot."

Walk about Balk: They thought that the balk call on their lefty pitcher was rare in that it was not flagrant and was called by the home plate umpire, Greg Gibson, whom they insisted looks just like Senator Lindsay Graham.





There is some similarity, except that Lindsay Graham is a such an evil, partisan cracker that he legitimizes the adjective "cunty." A cunty quote: "It's really American to avoid paying taxes, legally."

To their credit: When McCutchen was called out on a close play at the end of a DP, they didnt like call. But during the resulting commercial break they saw that first base ump Hunter Wendlestadt had made a great call on a very close play, and they gave him and MLB plaudits.

Little Cueto = Cueto?? Cueto was actually an outfielder in the DR, then took after Pedro Martinez, whom he began to idolize. Also, Cueto might only be 5'8" according to some...the same height as Smallville actor Sam Jones III.





The resemblance is uncanny, eh? What's more, Sam has a very Dominican age issue, as well: It was reported in 2011 that Jones publicly misrepresented his age as 28 when he was actually 32. Federal Bureau of Prisons records list his current age as 33.

Prison?!? Hold the banana phone for one Brennaminute!!

Sam was caught dealing Oxycontin in 2011 and was recently released from Lompoc. Rumor has it that he and Mister Mxyzptlk are plotting something over at the Legion of Doom (a.k.a. Fox & Friends).



Tales of the Blass Monkey:
Steve Blass recounted how he was once pitching on a hot, humid day, and after 5 innings he dashed into the clubhouse potty for non-optional activity. When he came out, he asked veteran clubhouse manager John Hallahan (their 50-year-service version of Bernie Stowe) where his hat was. John noticed that Steve was still wearing his hat.

They lifted Blass immediately.


It was noted that Alfredo Simon, after collecting his first MLB hit, got a hoodie instead of a jacket brought to him to run the bases. I recall Cueto getting busted for this last year, but now the hoodie reappears. Anyone know the deal is? If I were in Redsland, I'd certainly keep my eyes out for this Simon-commemorative couture at the Reds gift shop.



Again from the Doppleganger Department: Their booth also thought that Russell Martin and Russell Crowe were dead ringers for each other. I don't see it.





I'd Be Remiss: If I wasn't to mention that former Ole Miss teammates Zack Cozart and Whogivesafuck Irwin faced off. Dusty even went to Coz for a scouting report, but since Irwin was out with Tommy John surgery at the time, Zack was unable to help. Dusty had him call some of his old buddies until they had more info. I agree with the Pirates TV team that I dunno why a 2006 amateur scouting report from amateurs helps.

Go Ole Miss!



Three Rivers is set up for some nice camera angles, including one I hadn't seen before: an over-the-shoulder shot of Joey Votto waiting for the next pitch @ 0:25 into the game. A thing of beauty.

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