So I'm reading this book my sister got me this past Christmas. Tom Browning's Tales from the Reds Dugout. Each chapter is broken into anecdotal little stories, nice and quick. Its a good read when I'm dropping the kids off at the pool but on the whole pretty corny cheezy stuff. Anyways, not long ago I read "Those Crazy Coeds." Like I said these things are short and Houston is strangely running away with this game so may I present to you for your enjoyment "Those Crazy Coeds"
"A few times a year, the Reds offer discounted ticket prices for local college students. Back in the 1980s, the students would pack the place, and they were a wild bunch of kids. I'm sure beer sales were brisk. I remember Dave Parker playing right field during one of those nights. Out of nowhere, a big purple dildo came flying down from the stands. The thing must have been two-feet long. It hit with a thud right behind Park and finally rolled to a stop on the warning track. Once Park realized what it was, he had to cover his face with his glove so people couldn't see how hard he was laughing. I've seen games stopped many times because of debris on the field-beach balls, beer cups, even people. But that was definitely a first. Park signaled for a ball boy and tossed him the projectile to take off the field. I'm not sure if the kid knew what it was or what he was doing, but he clinched the thing right in the middle of its, well, "girth" and started running off the field. The thing started bouncing up and down as he ran, and with every step, the crowd roared with laughter. We were just happy the thing never hit Dave and inflicted any damage. Could you imagine trying to explain that injury to the trainer?"
Everyone have a safe and happy Opening Day and make sure to get your dildos ready if you're headed to the ballpark.