What current players' names sound like porn stars? I'm glad you asked.

Yes, I've been that bored today.

ANA

Albert “I have two” Pujols

Matt “Not So”Long

ATL

Reed Johnson

Ben “In Between the” Sheets

ARI

Adam “Who Wants to be” Eaton

BAL

Randy Wolf

L.J. Hoes

CWS

Brian Omogrosso “All Over-o”

CUBS

Kerry Wood

Travis “Kerry” Wood

CIN

J.J. “Sucks Like a” Hoover

Brian Peacock

Yorman “Your Man” Rodriguez

Jesse “Brown Eye” Winker

Dan “Shrinks Like a Frightened” Tuttle

CLE

Thomas Neel “And Bob”

Tony “Just Take a” Sipp

Grady “Women Prefer” Sizemore

Matt “Fudge” Packer

COL

Alex White “Women”

Brandon “Kerry” Wood

DET

Doug Fister

Duane “Check Me Out” Below

Jerad Head

Zach “Ass” Miner

HOU

“This” Justin Maxwell

Travis “Young” Buck

KC

Nathan Adcock “Ergo Propter Hoc”

Roman “Around in Your” Colon

Blake “Kerry” Wood

LA

Rubby De La Rosa “Til It Hurts”

MIA

Jacob Turner “Over”

Brad “One” Hand

MIL
Donovan “Use the Other” Hand

MIN

Jeff “Take a Trip on my” Manship

NYY
Chris “Wants to” Dickerson

NYM

R.A. Dickey

OAK

Bartolo “Go on a Safari in my” Colon

Josh Reddick

Merkin “Snatchwig” Valdez (That’s actually his nickname)

PHI

Sebastion “Beaver” Valle

PIT

Tim “Kerry” Wood

SD

Mike “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” Koplove

SEA

Charlie Furbush

Felix “Four Licks” Hernandez

SF

Brandon “Below the” Belt

Madison “The Bum Gardener” Bumgarner

Buster “Hymen” Posey

STL

David Freese “Himself from his Pants”

Brandon Dickson

Nick “Earth-Friendly Penis” Greenwood

Lance “About to Blow my” Zawadzki

TB

Matt Bush

WAS

Pat Lehman

Craig Stammen

Erik Komatsu “in 3-D”

Please feel free to add to this list.