Things to Do in First Place While You're Dead

Don't lose your head! Hahaha. But seriously, folks, stay safe in September, we'll need you in October. (Photo by Jason Arnold/Getty Images)

So the season's not over, of course. Two weeks more of games are going to get played, and in one of those games, the Reds magic number will turn to zero and we can start talking playoff rosters and playoff opponents. As of now, we're in that awkward "6th inning of a no-hitter" place where we can't really start talking about it but we all know we're supposed to be talking about it. Because of that, and because of the slow news day otherwise, here are some other things to talk about.

Milestones! I am not a mathematics-American and I like my numbers big, round, and juicy. So here are some nice and pretty numbers to look forward to in the next couple of weeks, along with their likelihood and importance.

Ryan Hanigan is 16 hits away from 100. Nobody cares about 100-hit seasons and he's already at a career high. He also is only two double away from 15. I doubt he gets to either mark, but I doubt that'll diminish my love for him, either.

Joey Votto is two doubles away from 40 and an RBI away from 50. This is probably the weirdest statistical paradox I can think of, but I'm confident he'll get to both of those numbers. If you told me in April that this is where we'd be in September, I would assume that this is a season to hate.

El Beeperino is three home runs and five stolen bases away from a 20/20 season. I could see him gunning for those numbers because he likes numbers more than I do. He's also a hot streak away from another .300 season. What really amazes me is that Brandon Phillips has only been caught stealing once this year. Once. Joel Luckhaupt remains unimpressed because, have you seen what Mark Ellis has been up to?

Ryan Ludwick is four homers away from 30. That'd be nice. It would also mean he was heating up again as we lurch towards the playoffs. That would be even nicer.

Jay Bruce needs four more RBIs for 100 and six doubles and seven homers for a muscly 40/40. While much as been made of his ever-increasing home run power, he's also hitting a ton more doubles and has tied his career high in triples. It was very kind of him to earn his All Star berth post-hoc and laugh at anyone stupid enough to still be a hater.

Toddy Boom Boom is two homers away from 20. It's funny to think that he's cooled off a bunch and is still besting all of our expectations. He's also six K's away from 100, which would give the Reds four members of the 100 Grand club.

Xavier Paul has had wayyy less PAs than Mesoraco, Valdez, or Cairo. I am genuinely shocked by this.

Johnny Cueto needs three wins for 20 and likely has three starts left. This makes me sad. Ughhh.

Arroyo has 4 starts left and is three wins away from 15.

If Mike Leake can win two of his next three starts, he would get 10 wins and would give the Reds five 10-win starters. Pretty cool, huh? And if he manages to not lose that third one, he'd give the Reds five starters with winning records. Really cool, huh?

Chapman is five saves away from 40. He's not going to get this, and that's cool with me.

The next Three Green that Pedro Villareal gets will connect Winnipeg to Charleston and give him the lead in his current TTicket to Ride game with Todd Redmond, but Redmond is still up 37-24 in the season series.

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