El Beeperino walks towards the batters box when he realizes -- with fear and horror -- that he has no idea how to use this thing in his hand. He looks back to the dugout, pleading for succor, but his saucer-wide eyes are greeted only by confused shrugs and flatulence. Mandatory Credit: Frank Victores-US PRESSWIRE
When the team needed a long outing by their starter and some clutch at-bats and small-ball from their lineup...wait, no. None of that happened. Instead, awful things happened. Latos got knocked around and the Reds made Ian Kennedy, 2012 look like Ian Kennedy, 2011. LESS OF THESE IN THE FUTURE, PLEASE.
The Joe Nuxhall Memorial Honorary Star(s) of the Game
Drew Stubbs went 2-4 with an RBI. It was the only RBI, and he is the only star.
Ian Kennedy gets props for going eight innings with 8H, 0BB, 7K. He also has an improbably red beard. As someone with similar maxillofacial pigmentation peculiarities, I'll give him this fist bump, but no more.
- Jason Kubel hit a two-cuke melonball in the first. Snakes up 2-0.
- Some sort of misshappen rally took place in the second, as Frazier and Hanigan singled to get two men on for a Latos sacrifice. Mat would have made a piss-poor Aztec Priest, though, as he managed to get Frazier thrown out at third. With runners on first and second, Stubbs singled to bring in Hanigan from second (which, if you think about it, is impressive enough). Latos went from first to third like they do in Cincinnati, but then Cozart struck out like he do in Cincinnati. Snakes up 2-1.
- In the first of the Fourth, Kubel kick-started a Kawasaki. I guess on the good side, there was no side-car. Snakes up 3-1.
- Not so bad at this point, right? Nothing the Reds haven't come back from before? Welp...three base hits by the Parseltongueleers got one run in, and then Latos walked in another (it was his only unintentional walk of the game. The Intentional walk was the batter before to load the bases). LeCure came in to pepto-bismol the explosion. Snakes, 5-1.
- In the sixth, with two outs, Todd Frazier singled. It would be the last Red on base on his own behest for the rest of the game. Ludwick got hit by a pitch in the 8th, but that doesn't count.
- Arredondo thought this would be a good game to correct his ERA up a little bit to the mean. Can't say I blame him. Snakes win 7-1.
- Pirates win, Cards lose. Reds are in a tie for first. Lots of baseball, from what I gather, remains to be played. Only some of such baseball will be played without Joey Votto.
- I slept through this game. I am the only true winner in this whole mess.
- Mike Leake (Mike Leake!) faces...I dunno, Joe Saunders or some Joe Saunders-like substance tomorrow. It's an afternoon special, so bring your apple cider and graham crackers.
- This game was bad and we should all feel bad. If you want to feel better, you can see Eric Young, Jr. dance horizontally in gif form, while one of his teammates cheers from the background.
- Your song of the day is Ha Ha Tonka's "Lonely Fortunes" , as it starts of pleasantly enough but you find out pretty quickly it's immediately forgettable. Sound fitting, huh?
Final - 7.18.2012 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E Arizona Diamondbacks 2 0 0 1 2 0 0 2 0 7 10 0 Cincinnati Reds 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 8 0 WP: Ian Kennedy (7 - 8)
LP: Mat Latos (7 - 3)