Hey, sports fans! You probably thought they could keep ol' Fred down forever, didn't you? Well, I'm back! And I'm here to give you what you've all been waiting for - the ramblings, musings, observations, exclamations, exultations, and palpatations of your favorite old baseball man who just can't let go of the National Pasttime!
So what's going in Redsland right now? Scott Rollins is back with the Reds after a lengthy absence due to a sore leg. With the team in Cleveland (blaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhh!!) and that embarrassing back-alley abortion of a rule the designated hitter in play, manager Dusty Baker has been eating his cake and eating it too, getting both Rollin and rookie Todd Frazier in the lineup. But the team will be back playing pure and sacred baseball in the National League for the weekend, so ol' Dusty will have to figure out how to get them both in the lineup. It's a good problem to have. Rollins is the unquestioned team leader, and the team obviously suffered in his absence. Frazier is the young buck with the knack for driving in clutch RBIs, and the team certainly got a much-needed offensive boost when he came up from Dayton. Yes, it's a good problem to have. Just like all these chocolate brownies sitting on the counter. YUMMMM!!
Drew Stubbs will probably go on a rehab assignment over the weekend. He's been away for the last two weeks with an obligation. This I believe: The Reds are 6-5 in games in which Stubbs steals at least one base. Just think of how much better the team would be if ol' Dusty would just let him run more? Let loose the bridal and let that horse run! Baker is too married to new-age baseball tactics. Back in my day, if the kid could run, you let him run until he stops!
I'm afraid the Reds have broken Aroldis Chapman. I wonder if they've ever heard the old wive's tale about "If it ain't broken, it ain't fixed!" So what do they do? They go and fix Chapman into the closer's role when he's clearly not cut out for it. Look it - Chapman's ERA before he took on the closer's role on May 20th was 0.00. Since he was moved to the closer's role though, his ERA is an ugly 4.15. He obviously doesn't have the bulldog mentality of a closer. Back in my day, we called Oral Hershiser The Bulldog because if there was ever a game that needed closing, he would bite onto it and not let it go until it was over. Obviously, Chapman is no Hershiser. To be fair, of course (ol' Fred is nothing if not fair), one of the home runs Chapman gave up was to the brilliant young phenom Jose Lopez of the Mariners. He's a top prospect who made the All-Star team at the age of 22, so I think we can give Chapman a pass for that one.
Fortunately for us, Billy Bray is close to returning to the big league club. With another lefty in the bullpen, Dusty will have the flexibility to use Chapman in the way God intended.
Now, let's take a peek into the FredBag and see what you idiots are harping about now:
Kevin Mitchell is Alone and Miserable in His Mom's Basement asks, "Hey Fred, what's your take on the batting order? The team is lacking in quality on-base percentage hitters right now, so what do you think of moving Ryan Hanigan up to the two spot?"
Well Kevin, here's what I think: I think you are a butthead. It's true that Hanigan doesn't strike out much and he's good at executing the hit-and-run (a must for any 2-hole hitter worth his salt), but he moves slower than I do when I'm in line at the post office trying to make change so I can feed the parking meter. Why the heck is the post office so slow?! It's a losing preposition for me because if I don't go, then my 108-year-old dearest mother won't be getting her Christmas cards on time. But if I do, I lose an entire week's worth of time and you stupid jerks start complaining that I'm not writing enough.
Cody in Springfield asks, "Do you think the Reds will make any big trades this summer?" Here's what I think Cody: I think you are a butthead. What kind of name is Cody, anyway? Whatever happened to naming your kid Fred?! You don't see any kids named Fred anymore, just discontent old farts like me. "Cody" - jeez. You're probably one of those snot-nosed little hippie brats who doesn't do any work at all, just sitting up in your bedroom listening to your Bill Cosby or George Carlin records. GET A JOB!
I'm just sayin'.