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The Red Report: Sean Marshall

This is the first in a series of posts that revive a long-lost, well-loved Red Reporter feature: the Red Report. The writing staff will be giving in-depth profiles on new faces who are at least somewhat likely to see time with the big league team this year.


Sean Marshall

#46 / Relief Pitcher / Cincinnati Reds

6-7

220

L

L

Age: (b. Aug 30, 1982)

Nicknames: None official


Proposed Nicknames

Saving Sean Marshall (Setting Up Sean Marshall?), The Once and Former Cub, The Wood Shed, The Amp, The Stack, The Plan

Fast Facts

  • Sean Marshall was born in Richmond Virginia. His older brother is a former farmhand in the Red Sox organization. Richmond is also the birthplace of Willard Marshall, an outfielder who played for the Reds for two seasons during the 1950s and attended the same high school as Sean. Baseball Reference doesn't list them as relatives, but considering the facts at hand and the genome of the South, they probably are related in some way (I'm allowed to say this because my recent relatives all came from a sticktown in WV) - though Marshall is a pretty common name down there.
  • Virginia is also the birthplace of the other lefty shotgun barrel in the Reds' bullpen, Bill Bray, and Mat Latos too. This should help put the pitching staff's chemistry on a fast track.
  • After pitching three seasons at Virginia Commonwealth, Marshall was drafted by the Cubs in 2003. He made his professional debut that same year with low-A Boise Hawks. He was teammates in the Cubs' system with Reds' spring training invitee Sean Gallagher. His lifetime minor league line is sterling, with a 2.70 ERA, 8.6 K/9 and 2.6 BB/9
  • He was added to the Cubs 40-man roster after the 2005 season and began his major league career as a starter, making 24 starts his rookie year in 2006 - Dusty Baker's last in the Cubs' dugout.
  • He converted to relief for good in 2010, after making both starts and relief appearances during ' 08 and '09. He started 2009 in the rotation, but spent most of the season in the bullpen.

Star-divide

  • Depending on who you believe, Marshall has been one of the best relievers in baseball over the last two seasons. He's earned 5.0 fWAR as a set-up reliever (with 6 saves), ranking 3rd among all relievers in FanGraphs WAR in 2011.
  • Walt Jocketty told reporters that discussion of a possible deal for Marshall with Theo Epstein began in mid-November 2011 at the GM Meetings. On the early press call, Jocketty quipped: "If we can't figure out a guy, we try to acquire him."
  • Jocketty also expressed confidence in extending Marshall beyond his contract, which lapses after 2012, but there hasn't been much news to date on that front.
  • Marshall has similar splits against lefty and righty batters: .263/.330/.403 vs. RHB and .227/.300/.363 vs. LHB.
  • Like 97% of middle-to-upper class males from temperate-to-warm climates aged 25-105, he's an avid golfer and fisherman.

Transaction History

Drafted/Signed: Drafted by the Chicago Cubs in the 6th round of the 2003 amateur draft and signed June 7, 2003.
Traded: By the Chicago Cubs on December 23, 2011 to the Cincinnati Reds for Ronald Torreyes, Dave Sappelt and Travis Wood

Contract Status

Option years left: One

MLB Service time: 5.088 (Can refuse optional assignment)

Current Contract Status: Would have been eligible for his third year or arbitration, but signed a two-year contract with the Cubs prior to the 2011 season which pays him $3.1M in 2012.

Career Stats

Year Age Tm ERA GS GF IP ERA+ WHIP H/9 HR/9 BB/9 SO/9
2003 20 CHC-min 2.34 15 0 80.2 1.165 7.9 0.1 2.6 11.0
2004 21 CHC-min 2.90 13 0 77.2 1.043 7.5 0.3 1.9 8.6
2005 22 CHC-min 2.68 16 0 94.0 1.170 7.6 0.8 3.0 8.1
2006 23 CHC-min 3.32 4 0 21.2 1.431 7.1 0.4 5.8 8.7
2006 23 CHC 5.59 24 0 125.2 83 1.520 9.5 1.4 4.2 5.5
2007 24 CHC-min 2.05 5 0 30.2 1.076 7.0 0.9 2.6 5.6
2007 24 CHC 3.92 19 0 103.1 118 1.374 9.3 1.1 3.0 5.8
2008 25 CHC-min 3.41 7 0 31.2 1.011 7.4 0.6 1.7 7.1
2008 25 CHC 3.86 7 6 65.1 120 1.270 8.3 1.2 3.2 8.0
2009 26 CHC 4.32 9 10 85.1 103 1.441 9.6 1.1 3.4 7.2
2010 27 CHC 2.65 0 16 74.2 160 1.112 7.0 0.4 3.0 10.8
2011 28 CHC 2.26 0 18 75.2 173 1.097 7.9 0.1 2.0 9.4
6 Seasons 3.96 59 50 530.0 112 1.330 8.7 1.0 3.2 7.5
162 Game Avg. 3.96 11 10 103 112 1.330 8.7 1.0 3.2 7.5
Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 2/9/2012.


Scouting

Entering the 2009 season as a starter, Marshall had four pitches in his repetoir, while trying to develop a fifth for show. Pitch f/x IDs that fifth pitch as a two-seam fastball, which he only threw that season (and only once every 20 pitches). Since entering the bullpen permanently in 2010, Marshall has honed in on three pitches, throwing his curveball 40% of the time and his slider and four-seam fastball in roughly equal measure. His curveball is elite, his slider is above average, while his fastball is fairly pedestrian.

The curveball is a lethal centerpiece to the Marshall Plan of attack. As you can see in the video of him de-fanging his future teammates below, Marshall throws from a release point somewhere near Carlos Pena's head. His breaking pitches take the scenic route across the plate. You can see their devastating effect on cool guys, baseball's best hitters and lefties all in the last scene here:

Marshall has coaxed batters to wiff nearly 17% of the time on his curveball since 2010, a better rate than Felix Hernandez or Cliff Lee over the same period. It's his preferred out pitch, which he's thrown it the majority of the time in 1-2 and 2-2 counts since 2010, though he throws his fastball slightly more often 0-2 counts. He seems also to prefer to throw the curve as soon as he gets ahead.

His fastball velocity has increased a few ticks since he became a fulltime reliever, sitting around 90-91. His slider has good movement but is only separated from his fastball by an average of 5 mph. Still, with the curveball as his high-70s hammer, Madson can mix in the slider further frustrate batters who might be guessing fastball.

Marshall struck out a staggering 29.3% of batters faced in 2010 and 25.7% last season. He hit a career high in groundball rate (57.5%) in 2011, which meant that with his good command, batters were either striking out or hitting it through the infield over 2/3 of the time - which bodes well with an improved defense behind him.

That leaves little room for long fly balls: and indeed, Marshall's HR-rate plummeted to 0.12/9 last season. He's a good candidate to resist to even a virulent strain of GABP (which would look something like this) with a superb fielding independent pitching (FIP) profile and expected-FIP (xFIP) numbers in line with his actual ERA (exactly 2.50 in '10 and '11).

2012 Projections

Pitching

ip FIP HR/9 BB/9 K/9 ERA WHIP
ZiPS
72.3
-
0.62
2.61
9.96 2.74 1.12
Rotochamp
65.0 2.28 0.28 2.49 9.55 2.49 1.15
Bill James
68.0 3.31 0.72 2.52 7.8 3.24 1.23
Marcel
73.0 - 0.74 3.21 8.63 3.31 1.29

My Made-up Projected Wins Above Replacement: 2.4


Comment 338 comments  |  1 recs  | 

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Raylan

In honor of my favorite TV marshal who is also the only TV marshal I know.

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Feb 10, 2012 10:59 AM EST reply actions   1 recs

I thought you meant

"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville

by bbjones on Feb 11, 2012 1:24 AM EST up reply actions  

Raylan Givens? You mean this Raylan Givens?

That sonofabitch robbed me one time.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 12:30 PM EST up reply actions  

...

Dayman, Fighter of the Nightman, Champion of the Sun

@btcoop71

by btcoop71 on Feb 10, 2012 1:17 PM EST up reply actions  

Dewey Crowe needs his own show

He and Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 3:07 PM EST up reply actions  

"The Plan" Awesome.

Thanks, ’KRP. This thread just got me geeked for the season all over again.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 11:08 AM EST reply actions  

BAMF!

by Joe Nolan's Neckbeard on Feb 10, 2012 11:13 AM EST up reply actions  

BAMB

After the mother love bone song

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 11:45 AM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

I love how Votto argues balls and strikes

He always turns around and digs in the dirt or calmly sets his helmet down, all the while he’s giving the ump the business. And we know he’s got a temper when he has half a mind to use it.

And that pitch was outside.

by MC Reds Hot on Feb 10, 2012 11:31 AM EST reply actions  

outside or a strike

he flinched on a curve ball on the outside part of the plate. Nasty CB

by fromcubawithluv on Feb 10, 2012 12:29 PM EST up reply actions  

that's just poor sportsmanship

Votto should just play the game and not jaw at the umps, leave that to the coaching staff

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 11:47 AM EST via iPhone app reply actions  

He is an MVP.

He’ll do what he wants.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 11:50 AM EST up reply actions   1 recs

He is an MVP

so he should do his best to stay in ballgames.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:43 PM EST up reply actions  

He wasn't

He actually did an admirable job keeping his temper in check all through 2011.

by ams78 on Feb 10, 2012 1:52 PM EST up reply actions  

and

he had a down year. I hope Joey gets some of the rage back!

by fromcubawithluv on Feb 10, 2012 2:17 PM EST up reply actions  

Joey Votto had a "down year" last year?

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:58 PM EST up reply actions  

I mean I guess it wasn't as good as 2010

but expecting 2010 numbers from him every year, is absurd.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 4:00 PM EST up reply actions  

wrong.

Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.

by Madville on Feb 10, 2012 5:10 PM EST up reply actions  

not necessarily expecting it but....

He gets ejected twice in 2010 for screaming at umpires (see above links) and opses 1040 and then calms down a little the following year and he opses a much lower number than that. I am just pointing out that maybe he needs the rage back. I am not dissing the 2011 Joey just making an observation.

by fromcubawithluv on Feb 10, 2012 9:15 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm not sure he actually calmed down

The Volquez incident was 2011, wasn’t it?

He wasn’t ejected, but he was the reigning MVP last year.

You know how it goes. The umpires keep newbs on a short leash, to show them who’s boss.

But elite players get different treatment, and Joey is in that category now.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Feb 10, 2012 9:45 PM EST up reply actions  

choose your own joke!

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 9:46 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

scairt of being wally pipped by Janish, undoubtedly

That 4 for 4 on the 4th stuck in his mind.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Feb 10, 2012 2:59 PM EST up reply actions  

it really isn't a problem at all

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:52 PM EST up reply actions  

Votto whined and won MVP in 2010

Votto did not whine as much in 2011 and was NOT MVP
= Let Joey whine all he wants.

Joey Votto is Canadien?

by dcannon5 on Feb 10, 2012 2:17 PM EST up reply actions  

He was ejected once in 2009, by Jerry Crawford

and once in 2010 by DJ Reyburn. Both for arguing strike 3.

Follow on Twitter: @jluckhaupt. Buy The Wire-to-Wire Reds today!

by Slyde on Feb 10, 2012 2:20 PM EST up reply actions  

I could swear he was ejected at least twice in 2010

I was worried he was getting a reputation among the umpires for being a “difficult” player.

There was the 4th of July game where he was upset at not making the all-star team. And a game in August. Near the anniversary of his father’s death, which or may not be relevant.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Feb 10, 2012 3:09 PM EST up reply actions  

The August game you are thinking of, I think happened in 2009

where he was shouting Horseshit.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:10 PM EST up reply actions  

nevermind, you were right

He was ejected on August 15th, 2010.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:11 PM EST up reply actions  

I looked it up too

and I remember it, and it was a ridiculous ejection.

Like the July ejection was justified.

But apparently Joey Votto also said something to the umpire about a pitch to Jay Bruce, and Votto really shouldn’t be bitching to the umpire about calls to other players. Joey should have had some situational awareness, because it was still a playoff chase at that time, and if the Reds would have lost the division by a game, and lost that game by a run or two, you would have wondered “what if”…

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:16 PM EST up reply actions  

Hmm, retrosheet let me down

retrosheet is dead to me

Follow on Twitter: @jluckhaupt. Buy The Wire-to-Wire Reds today!

by Slyde on Feb 10, 2012 4:33 PM EST up reply actions  

i didn't look like he was jawing at the ump, to me.

it seemed more like a “damn, that was a good curveball” comment by Votto and the ump agreeing.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

by Heeringa on Feb 10, 2012 12:03 PM EST up reply actions  

the Return of Trollclaim!

I don’t care for hotheads or poor sports, I bashed o’neill when he was here for acting like a baby. And I think Joey shows his ass sometimes.

Hey, sports is a business. Act like a professional.

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 12:58 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

Joey Votto

is the exact opposite of a hothead

by vottomatic on Feb 10, 2012 1:04 PM EST up reply actions  

I wouldn't go that far.

Dude has a temper that is occasionally unreasonable.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 1:41 PM EST up reply actions  

who doesn't

everyone gets pissed every once in a while

by vottomatic on Feb 10, 2012 1:42 PM EST up reply actions  

Okay.

Look, I’m not really trying to criticize Votto here. I think he’s extraordinarily professional the vast majority of the times. But when he gets pissed about something, he gets REALLY pissed about something. I don’t think he’s a hothead, but I also don’t think he’s “the exact opposite of a hothead.” That’s all.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 1:45 PM EST up reply actions  

Can we call him 'passive-agressive' and then just get back to loving the guy?

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:16 PM EST up reply actions  

Asshats.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:21 PM EST up reply actions  

Well, there's a minority of us who are ready and willing to trade him.

Trade him today, even. If I understand them correctly.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:22 PM EST up reply actions  

I was one of them before they made the trades.

But, I’m still in the “love Votto” camp. He is an awesome player, and I’m happy he is with the Reds.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:24 PM EST up reply actions  

Et tu, Asshat?

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Feb 10, 2012 2:24 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

Them's fightin words.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:27 PM EST up reply actions  

I like to think that Caesar made a glorious last stand.

If only he had a flamethrower.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:29 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

How often that's true

at the turnpoints of history.

"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville

by bbjones on Feb 11, 2012 1:31 AM EST up reply actions  

I wasn't against trading Votto

if the return was right.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:00 PM EST up reply actions  

Not me

You fuckhead pricksucker

Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.

by Madville on Feb 10, 2012 3:33 PM EST up reply actions  

What makes it unreasonable?

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 1:44 PM EST up reply actions  

See above.

When he gets angry, he gets scary angry.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 1:45 PM EST up reply actions  

I think the uncropped version is just as funny for some reason.


His arm position makes him look like a pissed off bird or something.

Andrew Luck or something.

by Ram27 on Feb 10, 2012 9:47 PM EST up reply actions  

No anchovies!

I said NO HORSESHIT ANCHOVIES!

"If she’s already pregnant, you’re gold." - Hawkeye00

by PeteyHendrix on Feb 11, 2012 1:19 AM EST up reply actions  

Because he yells and maybe curses?

Seems like a normal response to being angry to me. He should probably soften his language a bit. It doesn’t look good when you can hear him screaming “fuck” on tv from the field.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 1:50 PM EST up reply actions  

and just think how it sounds.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:53 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

It's cool

Last year John Calipari called Terrance Jones a “Fucking selfish Motherfucker” on national TV.

Dayman, Fighter of the Nightman, Champion of the Sun

@btcoop71

by btcoop71 on Feb 10, 2012 2:42 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm willing to accept that I'm alone in this

but I personally believe that there very few things in life worth screaming profanities at a human being over.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 2:42 PM EST up reply actions  

YOU'RE the fuckface.

^ said quietly and politely, of course

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 2:48 PM EST up reply actions  

You have to cut SOME slack to dudes who are really amp'ed up..

…and in the moment are trying to be physically aggressive. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect all MLB players to turn to the ump who just blew a call and say nothing. Athletes are human. They may be over it in a few seconds, but it’s silly to expect a world-class athlete to play 162 games in about 178 days at full effort, working the count, using their strike zone judgment that they’ve honed over 20-30 years, yet never to verbalize his frustration in the heat of the moment.

"If she’s already pregnant, you’re gold." - Hawkeye00

by PeteyHendrix on Feb 10, 2012 4:30 PM EST up reply actions  

Okay, fine. I'll never understand that personally, but fine.

I just don’t think you can call anyone who’s capable of that kind of intense hateful reaction “the exact opposite of a hothead.”

That particular wording is truly all this was about for me. I should probably let it go.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 4:35 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

You have not met my son.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:43 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

I can't decide what you're implying here.

That I’d want to scream profanities at your son, that your son likes to scream profanities at people, or that I would incite your son to scream profanities at me.

I suppose those are all funny, so kudos.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 3:55 PM EST up reply actions  

then you probably aren't paying attention.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:59 PM EST up reply actions  

Nah

She’s just a genuinely nice person, dumbfuck.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 4:00 PM EST up reply actions  

she lives in Washington D.C.

how can she not get the urge to go to the Capital Building and scream profanities at the legislators as they walk out?

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 4:02 PM EST up reply actions  

THEY NEED IT!

maybe the will legislate better.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 4:04 PM EST up reply actions  

I love when he does that.

Shows that he cares about the game.

Andrew Luck or something.

by Ram27 on Feb 10, 2012 9:49 PM EST up reply actions  

Just because someone shows a temper doesn't mean they arent a professional

Almost everyone gets angry and explodes with anything they really care about.

When Cuba said

The anger just means he cares :)

he may have been joking, but it is true.

Whoever lives past today and comes home safely will rouse himself each year on this day, show his neighbors his scars, and tell embellished stories of all their great feats of battle.

by brown11b on Feb 10, 2012 1:10 PM EST up reply actions  

Its not even a temper really

its just disagreeing. You are allowed to disagree with someone and I think Joey does it very respectfully.

by vottomatic on Feb 10, 2012 1:12 PM EST up reply actions  

I think you and I are writing the same point really

A couple of angry moments doesn’t mean MVottoP is acting “unprofessional” as obc2 might suggest

Whoever lives past today and comes home safely will rouse himself each year on this day, show his neighbors his scars, and tell embellished stories of all their great feats of battle.

by brown11b on Feb 10, 2012 1:21 PM EST up reply actions  

I was serious

Getting angry is a sign that someone cares about the outcome. I hope turns Green and gets crazy a lot this year.

by fromcubawithluv on Feb 10, 2012 2:20 PM EST up reply actions  

when i was president of my college fraternity, i yelled at the chapter quite a bit

some people did not understand why i was getting upset at little things. then i explained to them that i yelled and got upset because i cared, and if i ever stopped getting upset at mistakes (mine and theirs) that i no longer cared.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

by Heeringa on Feb 10, 2012 2:54 PM EST up reply actions  

Just because you feel like yelling doesn't make it an effective strategy though

I have three situations in my life where I am in charge of other people, and all of them make me feel like yelling at those people from time to time. But when I do, it rarely helps the situation, and usually happens because I wasn’t clever enough to find a more effective solution.

I agree that you wouldn’t have outbursts if you didn’t care, but it doesn’t mean that the converse is true (a lack of outbursts <> a lack of care) and they usually do more to harm the situation than help it.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 3:12 PM EST up reply actions  

Votto yelled at Volquez on the field last year, after Volquez made a base running blunder.

I thought that was in poor form.

He could have talked to Volquez in the dugout during the game, or even better he could have handled it behind closed doors.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:19 PM EST up reply actions  

Volquez got everything he deserved

Whoever lives past today and comes home safely will rouse himself each year on this day, show his neighbors his scars, and tell embellished stories of all their great feats of battle.

by brown11b on Feb 10, 2012 4:55 PM EST up reply actions  

I'd forgotten about that

I don’t really blame him. Heat of the moment, plus Volquez started it by griping about the lack of run support or something like that.

But…I think it’s fair to say that Joey can be just a tad hotheaded.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Feb 10, 2012 6:12 PM EST up reply actions  

If I am a manager (which I am not so my opinion is really of no value to anyone but me)

I would tell my players to never call each other out like that on the field or in the press.

Just because Volquez said something stupid to the press doesn’t give a teammate the right to call him out on the field.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 6:19 PM EST up reply actions  

I think Joey knows that

He just got carried away.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Feb 10, 2012 6:21 PM EST up reply actions  

True.

I also think Volquez is an idiot.

Hello...BOOMSHAKALAKA!

by Kevin Mitchell is Batman on Feb 10, 2012 7:12 PM EST up reply actions  

He did/does have a certain 'Manny being Manny' quality to him.

And I don’t just mean the dreds.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 7:52 PM EST up reply actions  

The Third Policeman!

RBK, you are a literary genius of rare ability.

That is all.

"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville

by bbjones on Feb 11, 2012 1:36 AM EST up reply actions  

Not as good as At Swim Two Birds, but still

The Third Policeman is classic Irish humor – it is funny in a very dark way. At Swim Two Birds is just insanity.

If you like Flann O’Brien, you would probably like this:

Six Shooter

It is a 30-minute short film by Martin McDonagh, who also wrote/directed In Bruges.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 11, 2012 10:16 AM EST up reply actions  

Actually I liked it better than At Swim Two Birds

Maybe I’m not Irish enough to get all the stuff in ASTB.

Third Policeman was great, though. Right about the time I was reading it, they discovered carbon nanotubes — very strong, and too small to see, just like the point of the dagger in TP.

I’ll put that film on my list, thanks!

"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville

by bbjones on Feb 12, 2012 9:43 PM EST up reply actions  

ASTB has a lot of references to Irish Folklore

But in some ways, Third Policeman is even more “Irish”, in the way it is essentially one long, dark joke. No one is better at laughing in the face of unrelenting doom than the Irish.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 13, 2012 10:03 AM EST up reply actions  

yeah, it's pretty clear he thought that one out in the clip above

turns his back to the camera and all of that.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Feb 10, 2012 1:51 PM EST up reply actions  

Oh, you know it is going to be a thing.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:46 PM EST up reply actions  

We're operating on a thing deficit for a couple more weeks

So be prepared to talk about the dumbest shit imaginable.

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Feb 10, 2012 2:07 PM EST up reply actions  

It's a thing. Just embrace it.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:19 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

I don't know what this is,

But it is interesting

Whoever lives past today and comes home safely will rouse himself each year on this day, show his neighbors his scars, and tell embellished stories of all their great feats of battle.

by brown11b on Feb 10, 2012 4:55 PM EST up reply actions  

What about 'Marshall Law' for a nickname

If not that, I like The Plan, because of its historical reference.

Respect my authoritah!

by BigBadBruce on Feb 10, 2012 12:06 PM EST reply actions  

Marshall Law?

I swear, I was just reading an article on Sammo Hung.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 12:25 PM EST up reply actions  

I prefer "the Plan"

because he is a late inning reliever.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:47 PM EST up reply actions  

How is the nickname not...

Marshall Law?

Joey Votto is Canadien?

by dcannon5 on Feb 10, 2012 12:53 PM EST reply actions  

isn't it?

I miss voley!

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 4:08 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions   1 recs

No on Marshall Law

BC soon that is what is gonna happen in the U.S if we do not get Obama out of office, and the NWO takes over this country..Ron Paul 2012

by Josh Mohr on Feb 11, 2012 12:56 AM EST up reply actions   1 recs

I think our true leader is Chris Carpenter.

"If she’s already pregnant, you’re gold." - Hawkeye00

by PeteyHendrix on Feb 11, 2012 1:23 AM EST up reply actions  

Ron Paul:

The man who wants to abolish public schools!

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 11, 2012 9:22 AM EST up reply actions  

Hey, he is a true Libertarian

Everyone should be able to do whatever they feel is best for them, as long as they are not women seeking birth control.

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 11, 2012 10:18 AM EST up reply actions  

That's right.

Hypocrites are open for mocking, however.

Cue Santorum and his partial birth abortion edicts.

"If she’s already pregnant, you’re gold." - Hawkeye00

by PeteyHendrix on Feb 14, 2012 1:58 PM EST up reply actions  

#goodlord

How do you feel about the streetcar while we’re at it?

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 12, 2012 8:21 AM EST up reply actions  

On the 4 throws i can make before my bum elbow saps my 60 MPH velocity down to nothing

I could strike out Stubbs.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:47 PM EST up reply actions  

Avatar bet!

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 1:50 PM EST up reply actions  

If you can set it up so I can pitch to Drew Stubbs, you are on!

I have a wicked screwball, which comes in at the same velocity as my fastball!

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:54 PM EST up reply actions  

Technically all Drew has to do is bunt right?

I mean he isn’t good at bunting, but I’d hope he can bunt a 60 MPH pitch that doesn’t move.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:12 PM EST up reply actions  

Ah, i worked on my two seemer last summer

In either the 9th or 10th inning of Ken Burns Baseball, Bill Lee talks about how to throw a 2 seamer, and I did it, and my ball started to move.

Of course movement for me, is probably still straighter than a pitch witn “no movement” at the big league level.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 2:23 PM EST up reply actions  

When I threw a two-seamer in little league I hit a kid about 25% of the time.

It turned my “scary” control into “I’m gonna kill you control”. My dad taught me how to throw a circle change because Rijo threw one. It wasn’t bad, but it was really all I had. I had some coach that would make me throw it 2/3 of the time because it had good drop. The only probablem is he would tell me from the dugout when to throw it. Even 12 year olds can pick up on that.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:26 PM EST up reply actions  

i only had a circle changeup and a fastball

i started 2 games, only recording 1 out (combined) and allowed 9 runs and 8 runs, respectively. for those of you keeping score at home, that’s an ERA of 306. for a 6 inning game. i could throw hard, but i was only pitching because the scheduled starter was sick or hurt both games, and pitch location was something i had no concept of, so almost every pitch was down the middle. i think i only threw 2 or 3 called ball each start. this was 1995, i was 10, and i made the all-star team that year. not as a pitcher, but as 3B or 1B or C, and then the coach puts me in during an elimination game to play CF. at night, under the lights. we had never played under lights before, and only practiced once. needless to say, a ball was hit right to me, but i lost it in the lights. it still hit my glove, but bounced out. a run scored and we ended up losing by 1. story of my life, right there.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

by Heeringa on Feb 10, 2012 3:03 PM EST up reply actions  

I had a game like that

In little league I was the kid who pitched when one of our real pitchers was sick, I threw fairly hard (for a 10 year old) but had no control at all (head case).

One year we had a tournament against teams from another league (which was much superior to ours), and one of our pitchers was in a car accident and was too hurt to pitch, and another one was at Bible camp, so I came in relief.

I threw an inning, but I probably threw 50 or 60 pitches, and I am pretty sure they batted around twice. I kept hitting batters and walking batters, it was a long inning.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:07 PM EST up reply actions  

can we just call you Janish from here on out, then?

"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville

by bbjones on Feb 11, 2012 1:47 AM EST up reply actions  

What you don't like soft J ?

Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.

by Madville on Feb 11, 2012 5:18 AM EST up reply actions  

I pulled a total Janish

I also couldn’t hit.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 11, 2012 9:23 AM EST up reply actions  

/JayBruce'd

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 10, 2012 3:12 PM EST up reply actions  

my biggest issue was i threw my arm out in a pick up wiffle ball game a few years ago

never repetitively try throw a wiffle ball as hard as you can.

I fucked up my elbow pretty good, and now after about twenty tosses playing catch, I lose the ability to throw the ball 50 feet, and my arm throbs for days.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 3:03 PM EST up reply actions  

I wonder why the James projections have him regressing so much.

I doubt it’s a ballpark thing, since Wrigley is only slightly less favorable to hitters than GABP is. Also, it appears that the FIP and IP are reversed in the James projection column.

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Feb 10, 2012 1:38 PM EST reply actions  

Probably because he is a reliever

and there are very few relief pitchers who are as good as Marshall is, year after year.

I am not saying Marshall will regress next year, but relievers tend to be volatile, so in a large scale projection model, it is expected that Marshall will regress to the mean.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 1:52 PM EST up reply actions  

I'll allow it

Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

by UncleWeez on Feb 10, 2012 2:00 PM EST up reply actions  

I'll fap to it

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 10, 2012 2:04 PM EST up reply actions  

Huh?

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Feb 10, 2012 2:04 PM EST up reply actions  

/stretchingit

Whoever lives past today and comes home safely will rouse himself each year on this day, show his neighbors his scars, and tell embellished stories of all their great feats of battle.

by brown11b on Feb 10, 2012 4:57 PM EST up reply actions  

Nice teeth.

Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.

by Madville on Feb 10, 2012 3:36 PM EST up reply actions  

Joey Votto is Canadien?

by dcannon5 on Feb 10, 2012 2:11 PM EST reply actions  

Live baseball on MLBN!

It appears to be an Australian game. I think I just heard the announcer say CYBERmetrics instead of sabermetrics, and then talk about how important GB/FB ratio.

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Feb 10, 2012 2:14 PM EST reply actions  

Well, I'm assuming the announcer has an Austrian accent. So, Saber would sound like Cyber.

Well, then. G’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:20 PM EST up reply actions  

I saw a week or two ago that their regular season was wrapping up.

I think I saw that there is one team that is head-and-shoulders better than all others and they’re in the middle of a dynasty.

Mate.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:25 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm dizzy.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:21 PM EST up reply actions  

Paul Janish is playing baseball in Australia?

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:23 PM EST up reply actions  

Damn

Great job.

Mgr., Red Reporter

"Bootsy, you're a superstar right?"
"Twinkle, twinkle, babble."

by RijoSaboCaseyWKRP on Feb 10, 2012 5:34 PM EST up reply actions  

Wow Vasquez threw hard

140!

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 2:58 PM EST up reply actions  

How about calling him The Atoll?

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 10, 2012 2:18 PM EST reply actions  

Ys ma'am, that would be the reference

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 10, 2012 2:27 PM EST up reply actions  

You don't like mushrooms?

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. ~ Ron Swanson

by BigBabyBruce on Feb 10, 2012 2:30 PM EST up reply actions  

Wait... that's not true...

This is the most disappointing island ever.

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Feb 10, 2012 2:31 PM EST up reply actions  

more like a combo of

Coma and Logan’s Run

"At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day." Dusty Baker

by featherman on Feb 10, 2012 4:57 PM EST up reply actions  

x

The secret, is to hit the computer with a hammer

by DerekH91 on Feb 10, 2012 2:27 PM EST reply actions  

I'm leaning this

Dayman, Fighter of the Nightman, Champion of the Sun

@btcoop71

by btcoop71 on Feb 10, 2012 3:03 PM EST up reply actions  

Yes

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Feb 10, 2012 5:06 PM EST up reply actions  

You know what I hate?

When the first 15 minutes of a conference call are spent on ice breaker questions like “If you were breakfast cereal, what kind of cereal would you be?”

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 2:43 PM EST reply actions  

That's one crappy conference call

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Feb 10, 2012 2:46 PM EST up reply actions  

"I'd be quick oats."

“Let’s get this shit done and over with.”

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:46 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

Froot Loops.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:48 PM EST up reply actions  

So....

what kind of cereal WOULD you be?

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 2:46 PM EST up reply actions  

Stale wheat puffs

with iced tea instead of milk. Because I hate myself so much.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 2:48 PM EST up reply actions  

Life.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:48 PM EST up reply actions  

...

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Feb 10, 2012 2:50 PM EST up reply actions  

These calls are the absolute worst

Mandatory training. If you weren’t for you guys here, I would walk into traffic with the cordless phone in my hand. That way they could hear my screams.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 2:52 PM EST up reply actions  

Cheerio!

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 2:55 PM EST up reply actions  

How about a Big Bowl of Shut the Fuck Up?

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 3:16 PM EST up reply actions  

Well, I think I know what happened to nycredsfan

He is going to be changing his name to either nycbrewersfan, nyccubsfan, or nycastrosfan:

Jon Heyman @JonHeymanCBS Close
#brewers, #cubs, #astros are all good fits for edgar renteria, who has something left and will play in 2012

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 3:33 PM EST reply actions  

Edgard cost 'creds not once but twice in 2011, it was so sweet

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 10, 2012 3:37 PM EST up reply actions  

he won a Oakheart Year End Award

Worst wagerer of 2011 season.

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 4:13 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

Ok, which if you people are a member at smashboards.com or collectedanimals.org?

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 10, 2012 3:45 PM EST reply actions  

Always reread your emails before sending 'em, folks.

We have a lost-and-found listeserv at our school, which is honestly pretty incessantly annoying. Until you see in your inbox:

A lady’s fossil has been turned in to the lost and found

Turns out they meant the watch. OR SO THEY WANT YOU TO THINK

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Feb 10, 2012 4:28 PM EST reply actions  

how do you confuse fossil and watch?

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 6:20 PM EST up reply actions  

Fossil is a brand.

They make clothing, purses, and (!!) watches.

by the finest muffins on Feb 10, 2012 6:24 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

Oh, I had never heard of the brand.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 6:25 PM EST up reply actions  

things make a little more sense

Fossil and Lisa Frank.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 6:25 PM EST up reply actions  

what's urrbody drinkin tonight?

I still have 1.5 hrs of work, but you can tell what I’m thinking about….

Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

by UncleWeez on Feb 10, 2012 7:00 PM EST reply actions  

I find all Trader Joes beers pretty awful/undrinkable

that may just be my beer elitism sneaking out, though.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Feb 11, 2012 9:56 AM EST up reply actions  

Eh

I’ll grant you that it’s not terrific, but at a buck a bottle I ain’t gonna complain.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 11, 2012 10:11 AM EST up reply actions  

I have a high life right now

Later it’ll be vodka and sprite.

by crolfer on Feb 10, 2012 7:18 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

Try grape soda

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Feb 12, 2012 8:23 AM EST up reply actions  

I've not yet begun to flight.

Turns out I may be going to see some band at some bar at some late time tonight.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 7:54 PM EST up reply actions  

Your A.A. meeting?

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 8:09 PM EST up reply actions  

Weezy is a raconteur

He doesn’t attend AA meetings. He turns them into par-tays.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 8:20 PM EST up reply actions  

His AA meeting?

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 9:09 PM EST up reply actions  

Maker's

I’m sick!

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Feb 10, 2012 8:18 PM EST up reply actions  

That reminds me

I have a pint of ol’ pappy’s cough medicine in the cabinet. Hooray for drinking alone!

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 8:20 PM EST up reply actions  

Woo!

I’m mixing mine with hot apple cider. It’s tasty.

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Feb 10, 2012 8:27 PM EST up reply actions  

Ah. I thought about texting you for this rock n roll show.

I haven’t left yet so why don’t you text me if you’re not already sitting in your bathtub smoking cigars and eating ravioli.

I feel compelled to tell you that I know almost nothing of this band’s music. I’m seeing them because a friend of a friend is a part time drummer in the band. They play something like a Matthew Sweet-like geetar based power pop. And they’re playing at Outland which is evidently a Disney-fied/friendly Goth version of the old Outland which was an S&M club. I’m told there will be burlesque.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 9:13 PM EST up reply actions  

Sounds like a good time

but I think I’m gonna hang low tonight. I’m beat.

Kick some of those goth buttholes in the soft bits for me though, will ya?

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 9:35 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm tired myself.

But I am wearing my boots.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 9:40 PM EST up reply actions  

That sounds delightful

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Feb 10, 2012 8:26 PM EST up reply actions  

I had a cup of black tea after I went to the gym.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 8:23 PM EST up reply actions  

since it is carbonated

is that like the champagne of gin?

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 8:25 PM EST up reply actions  

Gin and tonic was my friend on New Years Eve.

Oddly enough it was my enemy on New Years Day.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 8:37 PM EST up reply actions  

Good Grief...G & Ts are light and cheery drinks...

Always a friend to Holiday Celebrant.

Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.

by Madville on Feb 10, 2012 8:46 PM EST up reply actions  

well it may have been the Jim beam i shotgunned after the gin and tonics.

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 9:47 PM EST up reply actions  

Where did you find Jim Beam in a can

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Feb 10, 2012 9:48 PM EST up reply actions  

by shot gunned

i mean high balled.

derp

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 10, 2012 9:50 PM EST up reply actions  

Really Yossi...

Everyone knows that you do an adult sized car bomb after your G & T
You should have already warmed up with a couple of shots Willits (or if you’ve limited taste Jim Beam).

Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.

by Madville on Feb 11, 2012 12:08 AM EST up reply actions  

tequila and soda is probably my go-to drink

for times when I don’t know where I am but know I need to start drinking.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Feb 11, 2012 9:58 AM EST up reply actions  

There sits a fifth of tequila

God, I swore I’d never drink it again, but my last little bout I had my hair pulled out by a man who wasn’t really my friend.

by 'tHan on Feb 11, 2012 10:45 AM EST up reply actions  

I love gin 'n seltzer!

It’s almost as refreshing and delicious as a gin and tonic, but with fewer calories! Hooray for diet drunk!

by Charlie Scrabbles on Feb 10, 2012 8:30 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm doing my taxes and working on volunteer work, so I ain't drinking

Big refund coming though. I will have to buy a bottle of something nice once it comes through.

Turns out the one advantage to your wife spending the middle third of the year unemployed: lower income = tax refund!

The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles…

by RoastBeefKazenzakis on Feb 10, 2012 8:43 PM EST up reply actions  

Commodore Perry with a Sapphire tonic chaser

Paul Newman’s “Harper” on the TiVo playing

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Feb 10, 2012 9:11 PM EST up reply actions  

Just finished reading 'Journey to the Center of the Earth' to the kiddos tonight.

Turns out they never made it the center. Unless you think maybe they did.

How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 10, 2012 9:21 PM EST up reply actions  

Labatt Blue Light

all this talk of Joey, and all…

Reds fan for 40 years!

by gejoe on Feb 10, 2012 10:34 PM EST up reply actions  

Step back from the computer, bugboy.

Before you drunkenly email someone!

"If she’s already pregnant, you’re gold." - Hawkeye00

by PeteyHendrix on Feb 11, 2012 1:26 AM EST up reply actions  

No drunk posting on the internet, young man!

"Good luck, National League managers – I have no idea how you’re supposed to get this guy out." - Dave Cameron on Joey Votto

by Grahamophone on Feb 11, 2012 1:43 AM EST up reply actions  

Are those pictures suppoused to read anything?

Because I got nothing.

crashtestnipplechip citymoron

by Excalib8 on Feb 11, 2012 2:39 AM EST up reply actions  

Who is the in the first photo?

What hairstyle is in the second?
Add the letter in the third.
Who is in the fourth?
Part of the last name of the person in the fifth.

"Good luck, National League managers – I have no idea how you’re supposed to get this guy out." - Dave Cameron on Joey Votto

by Grahamophone on Feb 11, 2012 10:54 AM EST up reply actions  

'tHan is a smart one.

You young uns should listen to him!

"Good luck, National League managers – I have no idea how you’re supposed to get this guy out." - Dave Cameron on Joey Votto

by Grahamophone on Feb 11, 2012 5:59 PM EST up reply actions  

Wee R

We Are ... Marshall!

by Thundering Turtle on Feb 11, 2012 3:21 PM EST via mobile reply actions  

Anyone watching Australian baseball?

They have goddamn sewn on patches with ads.
And both songs I’ve heard coming out of commercial are connected to Dave Grohl.

Andrew Luck or something.

by Ram27 on Feb 11, 2012 3:34 PM EST reply actions  

i had to go to something in teh 11th inning

who won?

"You know when I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink".-Bill Hicks

by Yossarian22 on Feb 11, 2012 5:49 PM EST up reply actions  

Me, too.

It’s a natural tie-in to have Marshall sponsor giant speakers in foul ground by the bullpen…and call them the Marshall Stacks. Then when Sean enters the game, Jimi Hendrix’s feedback version of the Nation Anthem blares out of them to the cheering, patriotic masses!

"If she’s already pregnant, you’re gold." - Hawkeye00

by PeteyHendrix on Feb 13, 2012 1:36 AM EST up reply actions  

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