Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 1/20/12

Covering what other writers are too scared too preoccupied with actual news to cover.

*Special Day Late And A Dollar Short Edition*

Saturday: Faytal Attraction to Twitter

Last week’s crowdsourcing experiment on John Fay’s blog has given rise to a more dangerous creature: The Twitter Mailbag. That’s right. Instead of proving pithy one-word answers on Twitter about Drew Stubbs striking out, John Fay is now providing pithy five word answers about Drew Stubbs striking out on the Enquirer’s website. This won’t have any negative consequences at all. No word yet on when Fay will roll out the Skype mailbag or begin posting responses to Craigslist inquiries.

* * *

Sunday: Wood Meets Stick

In today’s edition of "If It’s On MLB Trade Rumors, It Must Be True!" the word on the street is that the Reds were hot on the trail of Kerry Wood until the Cubs swooped out of nowhere and re-signed him. Evidently, Kerry was preparing for his meeting with the poking stick when the Cubs upped their offer to a level where he couldn't refuse. When he learned of the canceled appointment, Reds Medical Director, Dr. Tim Kremchek, shrugged and said, "that’s cool, I was running out of excuses to diagnose people with sports hernias anyway."

* * *

Monday: Suck it, Dioner

Poor Dioner Navarro. First, he signs signs a minor league contract with the Reds. Then, he learns he won’t even get an original meme, nickname, or catchphrase to go along with the job. Finally, his thunder is stolen by Walt Jocketty signing former Cardinal, Scott Rolen Miguel Cairo Russ Springer Jason Isringhausen Edgar Renteria Ryan Ludwick. Who broke this news? Why it was Jon Heyman! Begging the question (and answer):

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Tuesday: We've all PIPA'd Down

We can anticipate a relatively quiet week here at RIWIAW since half of our news sources are on mandatory furloughand the other half are blacked out due to SOPA/PIPA protests. That leaves us to our own devices when it comes to providing #OriginalContent. (Evidently, TheFoxNation doesn't have a sports section. Well, it doesn't have a Sports Stories Not Relating To Tim Tebow Section.) This generally results in us acting like we're less underemployed than we really truly are.

* * *

Wednesday: Oh, there’s this.

You should probably sign up for that xfinity contest. If you don’t, Scrabbles will continue to post ads for it when he could be productively spending his time looking for .gifs on the internetz. Think I’m joking? Think again.

* * *

Thursday: Another Faustian Bargain

The sports world baseball nerds were stunned mildly entertained to discover that Indians starting pitcher Fausto Carmona (editor’s note: I’m surprised this still gets autotagged) was arrested in the Dominican Republic on charges of identity fraud. Turns out that the 28 year old Fausto Carmona is really the 31 year old Roberto Hernandez Heredia. This remains certainly shocking and borderline outrageous news until you find out who negotiated the contract on behalf of Mr. Hernandez Heredia.

* * *

Friday: COMMENT OF THE WEEK

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