SIS: Public Restroom Etiquette

It's finally that time!  It's time for Red Reporter to have an in depth discussion about one of the worst places on earth.  It's a place many of us dread, but also a place many of us take delight in destroying.  It's a place that can turn a great restaurant into a place you'd never return, but it can also turn a mediocre restaurant into a place you look forward to eating at again.  It's the greatest reflection of the people employed by a business & it directly influences opinion of an establishment.  It's the place no one gives the respect it's's the public restroom!



There are many things to loathe about the public restroom.  Be it the inherent lack of privacy, the likelihood of urine in the floor, or just the overall smell, it's not a place any sane person looks forward to entering.  However, it can also be the most welcome sight on earth.  I'm sure all of us have been traveling in a car & had to go.  In that case finding a restroom is like striking gold.

There are many topics that need discussed, and I am obviously coming at this from a male point of view.  However, I welcome more topics added to this list & I hope that the female Red Reporters can help bring to light problems they encounter.


The first thing I want to discuss seems to be one of the greatest divides among public restroom users.  I call them the "Public Poopers".  Having to go #2 in a public restroom is one of my greatest fears in life.  I will do anything I can to avoid this situation.  However, I know there are other Red Reporters that really enjoy stinking up a bathroom.  Some will even go so far as to tweet about their exploits!  We need a ruling, is being a "Public Pooper" something to brag about, be ashamed of or is it just a necessary evil?

As you guys know, OBC & I tend to agree on a lot of things.  However, there is one place where we have a major philosophical difference.  In the public restroom, OBC is a "Urinal Guy".  I, however, will wait in line as long as is necessary in order to procure a stall.  Urinals are obviously there because they are meant to be peed in.  However, if you take a look under the urinal, there is usually a pool of pee in the floor.  Also, regardless of where you are supposed to aim, I believe it to be impossible to use a urinal and not have pee splatter all over your legs.  It's my belief that a urinal user is someone that doesn't mind getting pee on their legs.  Based on prior feedback I've gotten on this theory, I seem to be in the extreme minority & most people enjoy the urinal.

The next item on the list only applies to the Public Pooper.  I think I know the answer to the question, but why do so many people refuse to give a courtesy flush?  The smell of the restroom is the main reason I don't want to enter, but it seems like some people make a game of making it as stinky as possible.  Have you ever been in the restroom with a public pooper & you can tell some extreme intestinal issues are going on?  I can pretty much guarantee that the person in the stall did flush throughout the process.  In fact, they were probably in the stall making moans that would make a porn star blush.  Even when I'm alone at home, I give courtesy flushes & I think a documented instance of refusing a courtesy flush should be punishable by law!

Speaking of punishable by law, I am usually not in favor of the death penalty.  However, there is one instance where I think it should be instantly time for excuses...just instant death.  This harsh punishment should be given to anyone that leaves the restroom & doesn't flush.  I hate it when I go into a restroom and have to search through 4 different stalls because the first three are full of poop & toilet paper.  At work, we have an even worse problem.  Sometimes, I'll go into the restroom & someone will leave a floater, but there will be no accompanying toilet paper.  How can you have any kind of hygiene & not have toilet paper with your floater?  #InstantDeath

More and more, establishments are being equipped with Family Restrooms.  These restrooms are nice because they are private, usually clean & they allow you to take kids of the opposite sex in the restroom with you.  The problem with them is they are inviting, but technically you are supposed to have a family to go in there.  What if you are alone?  Is it morally wrong to go in there alone?  I must admit, at the last Reds game I attended, I made two trips to the family restroom by myself.  There was no line, no rush & I don't regret it at all.

There is one final restroom that stands alone as the most horrific of all.  If you've attended any kind of festival, you know what I'm talking about.  The hottest, stinkiest, dirtiest & deadliest of them all...the port o' potty.  I don't think there are any real rules for the port o' potty.  It's just get in, get out & try not to think of the horrors you are standing over.

I would also like input on some of the best & worst restrooms in the surrounding Cincinnati area.  I always feel pretty comfortable entering a Target restroom, but the Wal-Mart restroom usually looks like a war-zone.  The two nicest restaurant restrooms I've been in are both closed.  They were the Chinese Restaurant in Newport that is now the Funny Bone and the Bahama Breeze.  The worst restaurant restrooms are easily Terry's Turf Club and Herb & Thelma's.

I'm sure there are many other topics that need discussed.  Perhaps some of you have tips on using an airplane restroom or have other things that really annoy you.  Please share those annoyances with us & help the public restroom become a less scary place!

There is one thing that is not up for debate.  Remember kids, ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS!



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