Sometimes I get tired of slick, 3D-rendered, HD scoreboard sequences. Keep the Scoreboard Weird.
A retro version of the Mr. Red race
When: Once per game
"Walks = exorcised"
Retro "Walks Will Haunt" Graphic with retro Priest helping Ghosts to "cross over"
When: Whenever a high-BB Reds pitcher has a game of 3 BB or less
Why: So everyone can conquer their demons
Hit it a lot! hit it a ton! Let's get 2/3 of a run!
When: Whenever the Reds load the bases.
Why: Because it's true.
Video sequence with fake Vottocratic People's Republic flag and vaguely Soviet-style Votto inconograpy
When: Any time Joey does something cool
Why: Maybe he'll stay after '13?
"No homebody hook-up"
A request to please return the ball Brandon Phillips just hit into the crowd.
When: If Brandon Phillips hits a landmark home-run
Cueto: ERA* Champ
A passive aggressive info-graphic about how Cueto should really just be the 2011 ERA Champ if the MLB wasn't so uptight I mean 150+ inning - that's a lot of innings, yea?
When: Cueto starts
Why: Stick it to the stat man
"Do as I SAY not as I DO"
Short video clip of Mike Leake (or CGI Mike Leake)
When: Whenever someone steals a base on Mike Leake
Why: Because it's a terrible idea
Francisco Giant Splash Hits Meter
Why: He hit one OUT of the park, to kind of make fun of the Giants
When: If he ever does it again
A "radar gun" read-out that always reports Chapman's speed in excess of 105 mph
When: Any Chapman pitch
Why: Intimidation, humor
A formula for run expectancy
When: Every time there's a bunt
Why: For the nerds
A clip from the British Office, edited slightly to say "I've been made 'Redon-dant!"
When: Whenever Jose Aredondo strikes someone out
Why: I enjoy The British Office and Jose Arredondo's pitching
Chew on that, C.H.U.D.-ley
When: Whenever Chase Utley makes an out.
Horst' 'em on their own PETARD!
When: Whenever Jeremy Horst enters the game
Why: Because "Horse" homonyms are played-out
A montage of Jay Bruce getting clutch hits, culminating in his division-clinching HR from 2010
Why: To combat Jay's unclutch stigma