Various members of the Reds as Tupac songs

I know, two fanposts from me in a really short amount of time. My bad. But I was inspired by a post on another blog that had Lakers players as Kanye West songs, so I decided I'm going to do something similar. The only differences are that I'm going to use a team that people actually like, much cooler players and a much better musical artist. Mine probably won't executed nearly as well, but at least I have more to work with here. I'm only going to do a few right now because I'm tired, and may update it if people like it enough. Also, because I'm tired, please forgive any horrendous writing that follows. There are also some guys in the Reds farm system included. Here we go.

Joey Votto and Jay Bruce- 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted ft. Snoop Dogg

Oh shit, you done fucked up now.

You done put two of America's most wanted in the same motherfuckin' place at the same motherfuckin' time.

Y'all [upstanding African American gentlemen] about to feel this.

Break out the champagne glasses and the motherfuckin' condoms.

This was an easy one. I'm not going to be doing players in pairs after this, but Bruce and Votto belong together right here. When they're both on, there aren't many pairs in the MLB that are better than them. And it doesn't really matter what you throw at them. Whether it be front of rotation starters, LOOGYs, or few runners in scoring position, they're going to dominate in a way similar to what 2Pac and Snoop brag about doing themselves. Tupac says that the people have "fucked up now." Coincidentally, the rest of the league has fucked up by passing on Bruce and Votto and allowing two of America's most wanted to be in "the same motherfuckin' place (Cincinnati) at the same motherfuckin' time (2011 and beyond.)"

Scott Rolen- Changes

That's just the way it is,

Things will never be the same.

This may not make sense at first because Rolen is a million years old and it doesn't make much sense to associate a grandpa like him with change in any way, but I'm looking more at the Rolen acquisition than Rolen the player. That trade was one of Walt's first big splashes in his era of management, and he is an integral part of the reason as to why we can talk about this team as NLC contenders now. The move, while criticized at the time, ended up panning out well and serves as a stake to mark the beginning of the Jocketty era, which has been a relatively good one thus far and will hopefully continue to be one. Things will certainly never be the same again (or at least not anytime soon) because of Walt's... unique strategy as a GM. But hey, you gotta love it when it's working.

Brandon Phillips- When We Ride On Our Enemies

HEYYYYY! Got some static for some [people] on the other side of town.
Let my little cousin K roll, he's a rider now
What they want from us motherfuckin thug [people]?
Used to love [people], now I plug [people], and slug [Christ, I wish he'd stop using that word].

As a white guy in the suburbs, I'm not exactly sure what "riding on your enemies" means. But if I had to guess, it's a lot like what BP did to the Cardinals with his #walkoffshawty earlier this year. The "used to love -------, now I plug -----, and slug -----" part makes sense, as Phillips is normally friends with everyone on the goddamn field (see: Jimmy Rollins incident.) He really does normally love his fellow players, but when he goes out there against the Cardinals that's when he starts doing the plugging and slugging. That's mostly because he's a badass, and When We Ride On Our Enemies is quite possibly the most badass song ever recorded. Perfect fit.

Dontrelle Willis- Smile

There's gonna be some stuff you gonna see
That's gonna make it hard to smile in the future
But through whatever you see
Through all the rain and the pain
You gotta keep your sense of humor
You gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit.

Alright, this technically isn't 2Pac's song, but he's the only reason to listen to the song anyways so we're going to pretend like it is his. D Train has been through some shitty times in his career. From 2003-2006, he pitched at an extremely high level. He was slowed down by some anxiety issues (which, from my understanding, weren't all that different from Joey Votto's issues) and then his career went on a downward spiral. He's spent most of his time since then in the Tigers and Giants minor league systems. That sucks. Yet through all of it, Willis is quite possibly the single happiest player I've ever seen. Whether it was giving all his Louisville teammates a flying chest bump after each win or being about as excited for Zack Cozart getting called up to the bigs as he would have been for himself, Willis is simply an awesome player to have on this team.

Billy Hamilton- Runnin' ft. Notorious BIG

No lyrics needed here. Most because the lyrics have nothing to do with why I chose this song. I know what you're thinking; of fucking COURSE he gave Billy Hamilton a song called Runnin'. But hey, what else are you going to give the exciting young infielder with a bajillion stolen bases this year?

Aroldis Chapman- All Eyez on Me

Live my life as a thug [person of African , until the day I die
Live my life as a boss playa
I know y'all watchin, I know y'all got me in the scopes

{All eyes on me}

The thug stuff doesn't really apply to him as far as I know, but giving him All Eyez On Me was an easy choice. To sum up the reasoning behind it; Aroldis Chapman turns heads. Watching him take the mound and seeing everyone crowd as close to the field as their seats allow them to so they can get a picture (including during away games) is evidence that all eyes are, indeed, on the Cuban Missile. They have been since he defected from Cuba and they will continue to be throughout his whole career. He gathers as much national recognition as any current Red, and he isn't even a great player yet (though he has, as some RR poster so eloquently put it, been unfuckwithable for parts of this year.)

Corky Miller- Letter to My Unborn Child

Again, no lyrics. Pac's unborn child is pretty clearly figurative and non-existent when you listen to the song, but the same is not true for Corky.. Let's not act like he hasn't planted his seed in numerous women during his glorious Reds minor league tenure. I'm sure he has 8-10 unborn children in their wombs at this very moment. Praise the 'stache.

Alright, it's 2:26 AM and I think I'm done for the moment. I may or may not edit this post with more tomorrow.