BABY

I guess I don't fully understand why I'm back under the basket. Didn't you guys just sweep your divisional rivals? That doesn't create a reservoir of goodwill lasting longer than a week? Take pity on me, a lowly baby.

CINCINNATI REDS 

(in unison)

My God, you're well-spoken. I'm sure we'd all love to spring you out of there right this instant, but our hands are tied. We've lost six straight games and have been playing a parody of baseball by a set of rules we made up. Check it out. Rule 19sA.18 says that the first inning doesn't count.

BABY

Can you at least remove the brick? I'm starting to question the structural integrity of this hamper. And anyways, I'm quite sure you've got tonight's game in the bag. No one born after the Truman Administration should be named Vance. This guy is obviously some kind of poseur. 

CINCINNATI REDS

Seems like we haven't won a game at Citizen's Bank since the Truman Administration!

BABY

I think the Phillies played at Shibe then.

CINCINNATI REDS

Don't be so literal. Look, this is something those jag-offs at some internet web browser dreamt up. Legally, we can't intervene.

BABY

That makes less than no sense... Well, at least you let Chapman make a start. Heard about that. (looks at newspaper) Wait, why why did you bring up Todd Frazier for one game? 

THE REDS begin backpedaling toward the door.

CINCINNATI REDS

Is there anything else? We're going to go "try" to win "a" game.

BABY

For the love of this brown basket, don't hit Paul Janish 2nd ever again. He can pick it at short and should be given a chance to prove himself with regular playing time over the course of the season, but there's isn't any imaginable reason not to just have him bat 8th. Instead of right in front of Joey Votto? JOEY VOTTO!

CINCINNATI REDS

Just keep cool. We'll be back after we visit that bar where from IA-Sunny-IP.

BABY

Don't call it that.

EXEUNT