So the Reds are looking for their first 6-0 start since 1990, when Michael Bolton and Sinead O'Connor were topping the Billboard charts. I don't think we'll see Branéad O'Phillps tearing up a picture of the pope during an AB, but Jared Burton's basically got Michael Bolton's hair.

On the hill for the good guys is everyone's favorite twit Sam LeCure (I hope he pitches for One Hundred Years nine solid innings!) who, coincidentally, made his first big league start against these same Disastros last May, going six strong innings giving up only 2 runs on a Friday, and I knew right away that I was in love. LeCure's used to facing some stiff competition, holding his own and proving that boys don't cry: in his six career starts, ol' Sammy's already opposed Chris "stupid face" Carpenter, Matt "baby face" Cain, Zack "broken rib face" Greinke, and Felix "this is my strike you out face" Hernandez. For the Lastros, some dude who beats on women is pitching, so I won't dignify him with a name. But he had a solid first outing on Opening Day, only to see it implode like Miss South Carolina after Brandon Lyon became incontinent.

So let's hope Jonny Gomes keeps doing The Walk, we rest our older guys Inbetween Days, and that the Reds and especially Sam LeCure know that they'll always, ALWAYS, be Close to Me.