Eyewitness Report - Dayton Dragons vs. Ft. Wayne Fart Pains

by GrooveLeg on Apr 30, 2011 3:53 AM EDT

Front page'd, good stuff Groovy Legs. Edited for content. - CS

Ok I'm drunk. I went to the game in my car and I got home in my friend's limo. I don't wanna get my car tomorrow. It's so far away. Dragons win 4-0 behind Josh Smith's stellar outing and timely hitting. Wright Brothers Honorary Player of the Game goes to Josh Smith who struck out like eleventy batters or something absurd. I don't know. He was the reason the Drag Queens won.

Thoughts:

Beer is cheaper here than at GABP. I got five 24 oz Labatts and it cost me $35. Bad idea.

Wow, Delino DeShields is in baseball still. Get that paper.

Josh Smith is striking a lot of people out. He doesn't throw hard though. He was topping out at 91. (Kitty cat)...

Billy Hamilton is fast. He stole 2nd and 3rd on two pitches after getting on via BB (I think... I was in line for a funnel cake at this point).

This funnel cake has too much powdered sugar. I am going to put some on my nose and see if anybody thinks I'm a coke head. It worked. The future Mrs. GrooveLeg was not amused.

Twitter tells me the RR game threads are worth checking out. It's true.

Someone in my section ponders why there is no minor league football. I ask "What about the Big East?" Nobody laughs.

Juan Duran cranks an oppo HR to score Yorman Rodriguez who got on via fielders choice. One of them also scored from first one a routine double in the gap the inning before. I don't know which one. I'm too tired to check.

The girl Dragon mascot is in my section and I can't see around her fat ass.

The Ft. Wayne 3B makes a good play to end a threat in the 7th, I appreciate it silently.

I'm drunk. The opposing team gets funny walkup music.

Future Mrs. GrooveLeg talks to a stranger about the Royal Wedding. (Hump) all this noise.

Ft. Watne makes it interesting in the 9th. The closer who will never play in the majors put 2 guys on. Then he closed it out on a strikeout. Nobody cheered. It was cold.

I didn't get any pictures except for one of me and my boo in our seats. Meh...

On the way out I see my dude's limo. I don't think twice before rapping on the window. There are familiar faces inside. We get invited in and get escorted around until about 3 am. Fresher than a farmer's market. I taste pizza. Did I have some? I don't remember but I am hungry as (diddly). I get dropped off at home... My car is far away.

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Comments

rec'd

"And a high fly ball to center field. He hit it a ton. And the 2010 National League Central Division Champs are the Cincinnati Reds!"

by joshuar9476 on Apr 30, 2011 9:55 AM EDT reply actions

I really think the censorship adds a little humor to this.

Well done, Grooveleg and Scrabbles.

by andromache on Apr 30, 2011 10:10 AM EDT reply actions

I in no way meant it to draw attention from Groovy Leg's original piece

And I hate to do it, but it’s probably for the best not to have f-bombs and s-bombs on the front page.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Apr 30, 2011 11:08 AM EDT up reply actions

JCH didn't censor my recap when he put it on the front page

I'm going to start my own Reds blog with blackjack and hookers, in fact forget the blog.

by justin007000 on Apr 30, 2011 11:44 AM EDT up reply actions

"Mom let me swear in front of the general readership, why won't you?"

by andromache on Apr 30, 2011 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions

The nice thing is that you have to scroll down to the comments ...

… before you get all fuckin’ pissed off about some shit about a douchebag whiny-ass baseball player.

#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

by johnu1 on Apr 30, 2011 5:01 PM EDT up reply actions

Mom?

(Looks down)

Someone got some ’splainin to do!!

"I'm telling you, my other poo story is much better." -- btcoop71

by jch24 on May 1, 2011 8:39 AM EDT up reply actions

I think it worked out all right.

I just call it “modification with general guidelines in mind.”
We are lucky we have such creative contributors.

#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

by johnu1 on Apr 30, 2011 11:48 AM EDT up reply actions

Groove, this is brilliant. Recs and cocktails all around.

Eighty-five percent of the f*ckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A f*ckin' playground for the cocks*ckers.
-Lee Elia on Cubs fans

by Farneyismycopilot on Apr 30, 2011 10:16 AM EDT via mobile reply actions

If she's still willing to be the future Mrs. Grooveleg after all that...

then you definitely need to make it so. She’s a keeper.

by MatthewH on Apr 30, 2011 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

oh yeah... no question.

This scored major bonus points with me too.

"i would’ve just been like. Votto rapes all, cubs suck and cards are WLBs." -- Big Stein

by GrooveLeg on Apr 30, 2011 12:44 PM EDT up reply actions

This is better than I can do part of the time.

Depending on if it’s a getaway day.

#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

by johnu1 on Apr 30, 2011 12:55 PM EDT up reply actions

2003 was tough

Good luck convincing people these were actually two major league line ups.

I'm going to start my own Reds blog with blackjack and hookers, in fact forget the blog.

by justin007000 on Apr 30, 2011 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions

That Pirates team doesn't look crazy horrible.

As for the Reds? Wow… I’ve heard of all the starters, but dang… that’s a team full of minor leaguers and bench players.

"People don't kill people. Burning oreo packages kill people."

by crolfer on Apr 30, 2011 1:15 PM EDT up reply actions

by that point

Adam Dunn had a broken hand, Kearns had shoulder surgery, Casey has a broken tail bone, Lopez had a broken ankle, Larkin was Larkin, Boone was traded, Griffey had torn a tendon in his ankle, Guillen was traded.

Danny Graves was moved to the bullpen and then shutdown. Paul Wilson was shutdown do to a sore shoulder, Jimmy Anderson was DFA’d due to being terrible, Ryan Dempster had TJS, Jimmy Haynes had back surgery, Aaron Harang had joined the Reds but was had strained his groin, John Bale left that game with an injury, Josh Hall had joined the team and was since shutdown with a bum shoulder…

Scott Williamson, Scott Sullivan, Kent Mercker, Gabe White, and Felix Heridia were all traded, leaving nobody in the bullpen.

I'm going to start my own Reds blog with blackjack and hookers, in fact forget the blog.

by justin007000 on Apr 30, 2011 1:21 PM EDT up reply actions