This Is War, St. Louis

You can’t expect them to understand sabermetrics.

It’s intentionally over the top. That’s kind of the point.

It’s a big rivalry game, and since crolfer lives in Missouri, he’s got every right to be gearing up.

Crolfer has it as part of his schtick, though, much like how part of Teh Vole’s is making fun of Crolfer.

I don’t really mind the Cardinals, and I really, really like Pujols. But it’s St. Louis Hate Week, so let’s have fun with it. Just as long as we don’t troll VLB and stupid, antagonistic, stuff like that.

I’d love for the people who rec’d this to go ahead and talk to me instead of acting out passive-aggressively. Grow a pair, kthxbye.

Also, where’s Muffins’ drawing of that cardinal? I love that one.

I despise Pujols because people who pretty obviously took steroids at some point and then lie about it piss me off. They were legal at one point-just be honest! This is pretty much why I also hate Mark McGwire.

I hate Tony LaRussa because there is no excuse for multiple instances of DUI, and as much as I love kittens, posing with them doesn’t absolve you of guilt.

I hate Jason LaRue for trying to claim that Cueto was the only reason he had to retire. Fuck that, it’s been well established that it’s cumulative trauma that causes problems, and discounting his previous 30 concussions was just inflammatory.

I hate Jim Edmonds because he wears midriff shirts.

I hate Yadier Molina and Chris Carpenter because they basically got off scott-free for starting and escalating, respectively, last year’s brawl.

I hate Dave Duncan for refusing to admit that Smoltz simply sucked two years ago and instead decided to go after Bronson on completely trumped-up charges of cheating.

I hate Homer Bailey because he’s an uneducated si-oh wait, this one doesn’t belong here. Sorry, my bad.

And finally, I really, really hate St. Louis because my uncle lives there, and he’s kind of a jerk.

How’s that, crolf? Better?

When I was 5, I went to a Reds/Cardinals game at Riverfront wearing a Reds hat and a Cardinals shirt.

So sorry, crolfer. I definitely want the Reds to win every single game against the Cardinals every year for all time forever, but I just can’t work up any hate. Some of my favorite people are Cardinals fans, and they’re smart fans and cool people. (But, just to be clear, I’m not offended by this post. For you, actually, it’s quite tame.)

Pappy’s is the only good BBQ in town and nobody goes there because its black-owned.

Like humidity? Yet, at the same time, enthralled by the idea of seeing an entire city enclosed in ice? You’d LOVE Saint Louis!

The Billikens have produced Brian McBride and shit else.

How can you have a huge Bosnian population and not a single good place for Cevapi?

And I throw their dead bodies in the freezer.

Or if in the Arabian Peninsula, Oman.

But this is the type of baseball that really illustrates the fine line between being in contention and being in sell-off mode. Over the course of a season, you go 2-1 instead of 1-2 and you are in the playoffs.

Taking a look this this series in particular, could the Reds have gone 2-1? Sure, had they played better baseball.

But when you look up at the end of the year and see your team that went 91-71 a year ago is suddenly 80-82 and you wonder why you suddenly suck, it’s only a 9-game swing in the overall record.

You have to win 15 games a month. At this rate, the Reds won’t get there.