As Soren Cerin once said, "There is no good without evil as there cannot be evil without good". Well if Gordo's and Terry's and Tink's are good, we've found our third musketeer to go with Quatman's and Mt. Adams Bar & Grill in the evil camp. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.....
First, a quick story: Last Sunday I decided to try out a burger idea I saw somewhere a while ago. First I made a smallish patty and pushed out a well in the middle. In the created well I dropped in some bacon grease I had saved for just this occasion. It looked like this:
I placed a similar patty on top of that, pinched the edges together, and stuck them in the freezer for a bit to solidify and help them hold together. I also made a regular burger for the peach since she made it VERY clear that she wanted no part of my concoction. On the grill, it looked like this:
The burgers took way too long to cook and the improvement was negligible at best. Why am I telling you about this instead of talking about Rohrer's you ask? Because my burgers were TEN TIMES BETTER than the crap I just ate at Rohrer's Tavern.
Let's start from the beginning. I had a prior commitment for a MS charity event in Hyde Park, from which I left at about 7:30. It took me every bit of 30 minutes to get to this place, it's in the middle of damned nowhere, just past the concrete plant and between two dilapidated houses. (More on that later) I parked and made my way inside, where I was stuck behind a line of people getting hugs from an older gentleman who was on his way out. Did I get a hug from some old man I don't know? Of course I did. Ends up, that was the highlight of the trip for me.
I sat down and we got underway. Our waitress took our orders, with obc, 'tHan and myself ordering our burgers and Westie ordering the prime rib. I ordered my burger "no garden" as the waitress put it, with swiss and bacon. 'tHan ordered his without tomato, and obc ordered his burger with chili instead of fries. When 'tHan asked if he could order his burger cooked medium we were informed that due to the Health Board all burgers had to be cooked medium well. Alrighty then. We all got slaw, which looked like this:
Surprisingly if you mixed the greenish slaw sauce into the slaw, it was decidedly middle of the road. obc skipped his wisely. The burgers came and we instantly knew this was not going to end well. The patties were big, but perfectly cylindrical. Obviously not hand formed. Also, I'll bet my next kid that these things came frozen in a box. My burger came with lettuce and onions while 'tHan's came with a full compliment of "garden". Go re-read how we ordered. Yeah.
Here's what mine looked like after a couple of bites:
I don't normally eat my fries that fast (Westie commented "they look kinda raw"), but I was trying to mask the burger taste in my mouth. Around the time this picture was taken the Washington/Arizona game ended and I asked Flo the waitress if someone could change the channel to ESPN so I could watch the Louisville-Uconn Big East Tournament Championship game. Flo said they could only change one set because karaoke was about to start. They finally managed to get one of the TVs changed.......THE ONE DIRECTLY BEHIND ME. Westie saved the day by switching me spots and we continued on the shitty burger train to hell. I'm not going to comment on the taste of the burger because, well, there wasn't much of a taste. 'tHan also astutely asked how Westie's prime rib could be medium but our burgers could not. I had no answer for him as I had already switched into full-on get-the-hell-out-of-here mode.
After choking down the burger and fries obc & I stepped out for a smoke and the fun began. Little did we know that Shaw lived next door. Don't fake the funk on the nasty dunk:
I promise you that house is twice as sad as it looks. The driveway had a mini-lake, complete with a chair to fish from. There was also a huge fucking hole in the parking lot exposing the sewer line in/out of the building; I'm assuming they had uncovered it to install a tap to make getting the slaw sauce easier. I'd post a pic of these but they all came out really fuzzy.
Rohrer's for all its faults has some upside. Coors Light is NOW ON TAP. (finally!) If you don't want to dine in with Flo (who's also nice enough to forget your drinks in addition to screwing up your order) you can always get carry-out:
In conclusion Terry's Turf Club and Gordo's are like twin Immaculate Conceptions, whereas eating Rohrer's makes me wish there was a burger Plan B available. As the late great Slyde once put it, if you get the chance to eat a Rohrer's burger......just skip it.