Red It, Watched It, And Wept - Week of 12/23
by FordhamRam on Dec 23, 2011 3:20 PM EST
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PrintCovering what other writers are too scared too preoccupied with actual news to cover.
Super Special We-May-Never-Be-Able-To-Have-A-Thread-Not-Mentioning-Mat-Latos-Or-Sean-Marshall-Ever-Again Edition
Saturday: Leathertweet
Saturday's trade for Mat Latos brought Reds fans the one thing they've been clamoring to get for years: a new Jim Bowden meme. Baseball's foremost recovering addict of Athlete's Tongue re-infected himself this week with a flurry of Tweets well befitting the legend of Ol' Leatherpants. While there wasn't any graphic 9/11 imagery, there was plenty of second-guessing and dumb and baseless assertions. Frankly, if not for his own radio show, I can't think of any other place where he would fit in.
Sunday: A Latos Family Christmas
Perhaps the greatest disappointment of the Mat Latos trade is that Mat will join the contingent of Reds alongside the Nasty Hook and Joey Votto who refuse to Tweet. In fact, Latos hatred for Twitter matches Votto's disdain for Colin Cowherd. (Amazon Holiday Shopping Tip: Shoppers who hate Twitter also despise: Red Reporter.) Luckily for us TwitterTrolls, Mat has some family members who can provide us updates about the pitcher and the hijinks he’s bound to get into while winning 30 games in 2012. Let’s welcome the Latos family to Cincinnati by pleading they retweet us to get up our page clicks!
Monday: Unfortunately, the Pitching that Extra Corner Outfielder.
Perhaps the most valid criticism of Mat Latos is that the kid can't play left field while he's pitching. Luckily, Walt Jocketty's rotating wheel of thirty-plus year old outfielders and Cardinals retreads have led him to consider Ryan Ludwick (again, only cheaper) and Rick Ankiel (again, only without pitching meltdowns). We here at RIWIAW are gripping with anticipation to see where the wheel stops. What has So Taguchi been up to lately?
Tuesday: Can Kevin Mench Still Play Left?
It's the first night of Hanukkah! We at RIWIAW could milk this for all it's worth by simply copying and pasting the same thing for eight days, but we respect our readers more than that (Editor's note: we don't know why). If you'd like to reward us with a gift, please remember that our Hanukkah wish list for the Reds consists of Sam Fuld, Kevin Youkilis and Ian Kinsler. If celebrating the Festival of Lights isn't your thing, we will be the first on record to say we wouldn't object to lumps of Cole in our (Red) stockings.
Wednesday: Thanks For Trading Us A Great Reliever, Cubs. Yule Regret This!
For many, it's the season of giving. For Walt Jocketty, it's the season of pillaging the pitching staffs of National League teams. Today, Walt shipped off Travis Wood for lefty setup man Sean Marshall. In lieu of flowers, please send Red Reporter your deepest condolences for the loss of their beloved meme: The Reds Have No Money And Are Talking To No One™
Thursday: Comment of The Week
Friday: Fanshot of the Weak
Hah, yeah. Right. Merry Christmas, you jackballs.
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Left Field anyone?
Scott Roland should retire tomorrow.
by Madville on Dec 23, 2011 5:05 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
are you saying she is fat?
Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.
by Yossarian22 on Dec 24, 2011 2:56 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Correction:
Joey Votto does not know who Colin Cowherd is.
Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me
Joey Votto knows what he doesn't need to know.
And I mean that to read like one of those ‘Chuck Norris’ bits.
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Dec 23, 2011 10:52 PM EST up reply actions
Hmm
“Trading season continued in full force, as the Chicago Cubs sent left-hander Sean Marshall to the Cincinnati Reds for lefty Travis Wood, outfielder Dave Sappelt and second baseman Ronald Torreyes.
The Cubs made out well, giving up a good reliever who is a year from free agency and getting back a big league starter and two mid-level prospects who will have major league value. The Reds, meanwhile, continue what I can only assume is a rapid emptying of their farm system to try to win again in the two years before Joey Votto reaches free agency and/or Dusty Baker shreds every last arm on their pitching staff."
- Keith Law
I find humor in the last sentence.
Cingrani for 2012 Closer!
The funniest part is:
“…two mid-level prospects who will have major league value.”
That’s kinda like saying “Mission Accomplished” when Saddam Hussein went into hiding.
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Dec 23, 2011 10:58 PM EST up reply actions
he doesn't even use his espn.com email
he continues to use his Harvard.edu email
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 24, 2011 2:38 PM EST up reply actions
If I went to Harvard I would too.
Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.
just proves his dickiness
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 24, 2011 3:10 PM EST up reply actions
Maryland took away our email accounts after one year.
Which is kind of lame.
"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."
by Cy Schourek on Dec 25, 2011 11:24 AM EST up reply actions
ONU took away my email account the second quarter I wasn't a student there
I still have access to my Loyola account.
Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.
I graduated college before email was relevant.
We had to send our mail by snail – uphill both ways!
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 26, 2011 2:23 AM EST up reply actions
my sister has a Harvard account
She uses an AOL address.
You can’t accuse her a being a status seeker.
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
in all fairness, she has the right
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 25, 2011 8:26 PM EST up reply actions
I can't believe that someone smart enough to go to Harvard uses AOL
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
by jch24 on Dec 25, 2011 11:24 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
I don't understand why she uses AOL, either
But they do have pretty good spam control, and it’s relatively idiot-proof.
I like Gmail, but my parents use Outlook, and it’s not entirely compatible with Gmail. (This is apparently an Outlook problem. Stupid Microsoft.) In particular, forwarding attachments means they arrive as a block of MIME code. I used to have a program that would unencode MIME, but these days, it’s rarely needed, and I’m not sure it even runs in Windows 7. Eventually, I found out that WinZip will unencode MIME. They don’t advertise this, since it’s such a rarely needed feature, but it does it well.
AOL has no problem with Outlook attachments. So of course when I used to ask my parents to resend something as an attachment instead of forwarding it, they’d say, “Why? Your sister didn’t have any problem.”
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
.. and it's relatively idiot-proof
your sister went to Harvard, so why would she need something relatively idiot-proof?
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 26, 2011 10:00 AM EST up reply actions
My only complaint with gmail is that to my knowledge you can't sort by sender in the web interface
This may have recently changed, I dunno. I know you can do it if you set your email client up to grab your gmail but that’s more of a pain in the ass than anything.
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
they expect you to used the advanced search function
It really took awhile to get used the threaded way Gmail sorts messages.
I liked the Juno interface best. It was really clever, with that “flipover” read and send thing. Very clean interface, too. Didn’t like it enough to pay for it, though.
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
Yeah, I saw the advanced search, screw that I say
I want to be able to click on “sender” and sort, like every other mail interface ever. It confuses me that they’ve never implemented it.
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
when you're a hammer
everything looks like a nail.
When you’re Google, everything looks like a search.
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
the attachment issue is a PIA too, I forgot about that
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
I'm glad someone else said it
b/c I was thinking it
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 26, 2011 9:59 AM EST up reply actions
I think prestigious schools let you keep your email
I know somebody who graduated from a rather prestigious school a few years ago and she still has there email.
Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.
by Yossarian22 on Dec 26, 2011 11:10 AM EST up reply actions
God no
Unless you think Ohio Northern University and Loyola University Chicago are “prestigious”. Fuck Loyola is like the 3rd best school in fucking Chicago.
Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.
by Yossarian22 on Dec 26, 2011 12:35 PM EST up reply actions
after?
Northwestern and?
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 26, 2011 12:57 PM EST up reply actions
Wrigleyville Upstairs Mixology College
by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 26, 2011 5:26 PM EST up reply actions
There's no Wrigleyville Upstairs Mixology College School of Economics.
"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."
Uh, he already said Wrigleyville Upstairs Mixology College!
#alumnuss’ed
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 27, 2011 3:57 AM EST up reply actions
I have an alumni address from my alma mater.
I’m not sure it’s prestigious, but it is highly ranked by some magazine. (I forget which one.)
"Red Reporter - An elitist clique full of like-minded douchebags." - BK
I can't get over "good reliever" part
This dude was 3rd in WAR out of the bullpen and he doesn’t even close….. with a high BABIP
Law has always been a Reds hater. BTW, how’s his analysis of the Rolen trade playing out so far?
@DavefrmLville.....is fun to follow on twiiter!
by Dave from Louisville on Dec 23, 2011 11:41 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions
Maybe not before YOU die, but the rest of us stand a chance.
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 24, 2011 1:54 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
My former employer.
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 24, 2011 1:58 AM EST up reply actions
Tell us a story!
Maybe the one about your exit interview?
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Dec 24, 2011 11:29 AM EST up reply actions
Don't have anything interesting to share.
But I was nice to Ray, the show’s promo editor, when we had lunch one day in 1997.
Ray referred me to his business partner, Bill. I worked for Bill on and off for about 2 years.
Bill referred me to NBC, where they kept me as a day hire for 8 years, until I quit to go to work for a major studio.
Bill went on to expand his edit facilities from 2 adjacent efficiency offices into an international corporation that wins Emmys and does a little show called American Idol.
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 26, 2011 2:28 AM EST up reply actions
"YOU'RE GOING TO (constantly reconsider and lament some of you career's close calls and near-misses in) HOLLYWOOD, BABY!"
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Dec 26, 2011 6:30 PM EST up reply actions
Naw, I've never even been able to make it through an episode of American Idol.
Besides, we had very different game plans. He was constantly leveraged to cover the hundreds of thousands of dollars of equipment he had to continuously borrow to upgrade. I never purchased equipment, preferring to work as an hourly hire at a high rate (ALWAYS working on someone else’s equipment) so that I could pay off my house early in life to achieve financial freedom. Also, I tended to work 8-12 hour days, while he did 18-hour stretches all the time. No, thanks.
I also work for the largest, most successful studio in history, winning awards while being a major part of billion-dollar campaigns while he color-corrects footage of 19-year-olds doing karaoke. Depends how you look at it.
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 27, 2011 4:06 AM EST up reply actions
interesting point someone made at RLN
The Reds did overpay for Marshall – probably had to, since he was traded within in the division.
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
Athletics r saying that they would not have traded Gio
To us for the package that got Latos.
I find that hilarious and I think I know why Walt was so damn frustrated.
@DavefrmLville.....is fun to follow on twiiter!
by Dave from Louisville on Dec 24, 2011 12:01 AM EST via iPhone app reply actions
by which we must assume they value what they got more highly.
Fun with trades:
Alonso, Grandal, Volquez and Boxy for Cole, Peacock, Milone and Norris.
I don’t know squat about their guys, so I wouldn’t do that trade. Anyone else more knowledgable want to chime in?
"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville
I'd say pitching wise the nags deal definitely wins
Cole and Peacock are some high upside arms, I actually am kind of glad we’ve kept all our pitching prospects so far. Maybe that’s why they like their deal so much more.
by pack_fan on Dec 24, 2011 1:08 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
that makes me even happier
we got the far superior pitcher for a lesser package
Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me
yum
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 26, 2011 2:28 AM EST up reply actions
A's get a fair haul
Cole ranked 2/3 on Nats prospect list behind some guy named Harper and/or Rendon. He is 19 with a mid 90’s fastball and a plus slider with good command.
Peacock 23, has a plus fastball with a lot of effort delivery. Secondary pitches are meh, so he might end up in the bullpen.
Milone 24, is a finesse lefty (think Wood) with a crazy 310/39 K/BB rate in 306.1 innings the last 2 years in AA/AAA.
Norris 22 is a defense first catcher with good OBP skills with a little pop.
With the exclusion of Grandel/Norris this would have been a good trade for the Reds except Cole is 2-3 years away and doesn’t fit the Votto Window.
Jack McKeon on 2000 Reds "We have more MRI's than RBI's on this club."
They are very similar packages in my opinion
expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat
Agree
Grandal and Norris have similar value, I think.
The As got a lot more upside but a lot more risk too. If the Reds overpaid, the Nats got completely fleeced.
And I think the disconnect we’re seeing amongst national writers shows how much “attitude” and “maturity” issues are completely overblown.
It feels so nice to be back to normal
by nycredsfan on Dec 24, 2011 9:53 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Whatever, Creds.
You think you’re sooooo cool, don’t you?
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Dec 24, 2011 10:33 AM EST up reply actions
I think Norris has a Bengie Molina ceiling
while Grandal has a Victor Martinez ceiling. That’s significant in my mind. Though the gap may be lessened by the fact that Alonso is a 1B
Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me
The Bowden thing really irks me for some reason.
Calling Boxy a 3/4 starter who can win double digits and pitch 180 innings just seems silly to me.
"He might not be good, but , but he seems sturdy. Reds got fleeced!"
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 24, 2011 1:59 AM EST up reply actions
Bowden said the same thing about Danny Graves.
Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.
by Yossarian22 on Dec 24, 2011 2:58 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
I dropped a 50-rec thread this week and got totally Farah Fawcett'ed.
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 24, 2011 2:02 AM EST reply actions 2 recs
I don't even know what this means but I'm rec'n it because I think I'm supposed to.
Bitches.
How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to email you the remaining eighty six photos of my dog dressed as a bear.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Dec 24, 2011 11:28 AM EST up reply actions
I don't get it, either
I hope he hasn’t died of anal cancer.
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
Maybe he's upset that he didn't get comment of the week even though his comments have garnered 50 recs?
That’s how I took it. I guess the Farah Fawcett reference would be something about getting it up the butt? Aww, Petey! 50 rec’s is better than comment of the week anyway!
I don't know why my kids call me that. I think I'm a pretty nice mom.
Yeah, I was joking about the lack of love I got. :)
By “Farrah Fawcett’ed” I meant that I was completely left out, as Farah was Left Out of Oscars ‘In Memoriam’ Tribute last year.
I guess I really showed myself as “a Hollywood elite” with that bomb of a joke.
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 26, 2011 2:22 AM EST up reply actions
Poor Farah
the Oscars forgot her and the rest of us remember her best for anal cancer.
I don't know why my kids call me that. I think I'm a pretty nice mom.
Apparently you were also Bea Arthur'd
I don't know why my kids call me that. I think I'm a pretty nice mom.
That's getting a little graphic, don't you think?
"if you want to sound like god, Orange is the way to go" - DerekH91
by PeteyHendrix on Dec 27, 2011 4:06 AM EST up reply actions
well, he is full of butthurt
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
by jch24 on Dec 24, 2011 8:44 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
which thread?
I’ll go back and comment in it again
The ends justify the means
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 24, 2011 2:38 PM EST up reply actions 3 recs
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