Navigation: Jump to content areas:


Pro Quality. Fan Perspective.
Login-facebook
Around SBN: Trent Richardson Interviews Fellow Brown Brandon Weeden

Updating the Top 100; Brandon Phillips, #43

43. Brandon Phillips

Played as Red Primary Position Career Rank Peak Rank Prime Rank
2006-2011 2B 50 47 33
Percent Breakdown of Value Best Season Best player on Reds
Hit Field Pitch 2011 Never
70% 30% 0%
Awards/Honors as a Red Leading the League On the Reds Leaderboard
Gold Glove – 2008, 2010, 2011
All Star – 2010, 2011
Silver Slugger - 2011
N/A

-18th in career home runs
-26th in career RBI
-31st in career hits
-32nd in career runs scored
-33rd in career stolen bases

2011 saw Phillips put together a career-best season, setting career highs in batting average (.300), doubles (38), and on-base percentage (.353), while holding on to the Gold Glove perch at second base. From an aggregated standpoint within his Reds’ tenure, Phillips came very close to some milestones this year, standing just three hits away from 1,000, 14 RBI from 500, and 15 steals from 150. He also ended the year with a cumulative OPS+ greater than 100 for the first time. One cracks a smile at the thought of Phillips checking that one off on his to-do list.

Despite the good news on the field, the 2011-12 offseason has suggested not all is well. While the team picked up Phillips’s contract option for 2012, the presumptive contract extension has yet to materialize. While Phillips has steadily gotten better and better over his Cincy career, the track record for 30+ year old second basemen does not inspire confidence. His range in the field has been marginally better than league average lately, and his speed numbers have been declining without a corresponding pickup in power output. The end isn’t necessarily nigh, but there are warning signs afoot.

For now, however, no matter, especially as Phillips has made a career of proving critics and know-it-alls wrong. Putting the numbers aside for a moment, he’s one of the more enjoyable to watch players of my lifetime. In a perfect and just world, he’d get his desired paycheck and the team wouldn’t suffer a bit. On the basis of his 2011 season, Phillips jumps from #69 to #43, and rises one notch on the list of top second basemen in team history.

The Top 15 Second Basemen in Reds history

1 Joe Morgan
2 Bid McPhee
3 Lonny Frey
4 Miller Huggins
5 Johnny Temple
6 Brandon Phillips*
7 Ron Oester
8 Hughie Critz
9 Bret Boone
10 Dick Egan
11 Sam Bohne
12 Tommy Helms
13 Pokey Reese
14 Morrie Rath
15 Tony Cuccinello
*active

Comment 427 comments  |  0 recs  | 

Do you like this story?

Comments

Display:

Nice job as always.

I wonder, if he just plays 1 more season at about his current level of production, where will that land him?

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 10:07 AM EST reply actions  

How about among the 2B?

He should be fairly close to the 3-5 guys. Frey had 7 years with the Reds, Huggins had 6, Temple 9 and BP will have 7 after 2012. BP, Frey, and Huggins are within a couple of points of OPS+. Temple’s several points down but has the years advantage. Since the advanced defensive stats don’t love Phillips, I’d guess that he only passes Temple.

by ken on Dec 14, 2011 10:28 AM EST up reply actions  

/Goes to sidebar

30 should put him ahead of Temple and Huggins.

by ken on Dec 14, 2011 10:29 AM EST up reply actions  

I miss Chaney most days.

Can you imagine if a coach walked into another’s press conference and said “I’ll kill you!” over and over?

Also, it turns out that their new coach, Fran Dunphy, looks exactly like what “”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran_Dunphy" >Philadelphia-area basketball coach Fran Dunphy" should look like.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 11:02 AM EST up reply actions  

I bowled with Fran once

Nice dude. We mostly talked about the difference in recruiting at Temple versus Penn.

by ken on Dec 14, 2011 12:08 PM EST up reply actions  

Me too

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 12:14 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

He's the longest-tenured Red at the moment, correct?

Well, Arroyo was traded for on 3/20, BeeP on 4/7. But still, am I correct that it’s them? And that Hanigan has been in the organization the longest/is the only Bowden remnant?

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 10:49 AM EST reply actions  

Bowden drafted Votto.

Votto signed in June of 2002 while Hanigan signed in August of 2002, according to Baseball Reference.

And Corky Miller originally signed with the Reds organization in 1998…

by the finest muffins on Dec 14, 2011 10:54 AM EST up reply actions  

Is this the Most Red Reporter Trade of all time?

Or is it Cherry Hudson Junior for Chase Weems?

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 11:12 AM EST up reply actions  

But fer serious

The Trade was Kearns/Lopez/Wagner for Majewski/Bray/Clayton/Thompson/Harris. It killed the ’06 season to death.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 14, 2011 12:42 PM EST up reply actions  

No, no.

It killed the ’06 season, brought it back to life, and killed it again. It was like freaking Sherlock Holmes, man. I sort of watched that movie with Rose and see? I DID pay attention.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:43 PM EST up reply actions  

Not a huge shock

I was not a part of RR then, but most of what I read stated that Majewski was a middle reliever with no upside, but Bray was a young hard throwing lefty with potential closer upside.

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 14, 2011 1:21 PM EST up reply actions  

Yeah, I know.

You didn’t read that into my “…”? :)

by the finest muffins on Dec 14, 2011 11:26 AM EST up reply actions  

Finals are going to be done as of tomorrow.

And then I can waste even more time here. I can’t wait. (Totally serious)

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:35 PM EST reply actions   1 recs

THIS

Or a game recap thread.

Can we do those for the Winter League?

by FordhamRam on Dec 14, 2011 12:39 PM EST up reply actions  

I think I can probably manage it.

I’ll be at some friends place this week celebrating finals being over… hopefully with Rose if all goes well. That should make for a good fanshot.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:40 PM EST up reply actions  

Also

I can’t wait to be done with Soil Sciences. Dirt is stupid.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:42 PM EST up reply actions  

when is Crolf's 21st badly and who is in the road trip convoy?

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Dec 14, 2011 12:47 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

stupid iphone

Birthday

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Dec 14, 2011 12:47 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

May 23rd. I think I might come out to Ohio during the early summer.

Because I need to see my grandparents. Or something. Right. That.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:49 PM EST up reply actions  

Or, you know, because you were kidnapped by Red Reporters

(note: this may or may not have been discussed at an RR outing)

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Dec 14, 2011 12:58 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

I mean, that would work too.

I’ve always wanted to be kidnapped. (what?)

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:58 PM EST up reply actions  

just a Cuban crime of passion

Anejo and knives a slashin’

Buy RED: My Uncensored Life in Rock by Sammy Hagar, today

by obc2 on Dec 14, 2011 1:18 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

You should go to law school when you're done.

You’ll be able to waste all the time you want here for 3 additional years.

by FordhamRam on Dec 14, 2011 12:37 PM EST up reply actions  

I mean

I’ll probably have to go to grad school anyway.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 12:39 PM EST up reply actions  

He could be the nation's topmost insect advocate!

I am the crolfer, I speak for the bugs!

Is there a mod so powerful he can ban himself?

by andromache on Dec 14, 2011 1:05 PM EST up reply actions  

Hmmm. Time for an episode of "Animal Attack Ads"

"I was always taught that before you criticize someone else, you should look at yourself. So let me admit up front that I’m completely disgusting: there’s not much worse than a cockroach. You know what is worse? The emerald cockroach wasp. They have what some people would call an interesting appearance, with a metallic blue body and red legs, but they reproduce by stinging us and using us as hosts for their larvae, which then consume our internal organs in such a matter that we stay alive just long enough to give them life. That kind of behavior demonstrates a real lack of respect for private property rights, and is also unthinkably gross."

Paid for by a cockroach

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 1:06 PM EST up reply actions  

tl;dr:

Roaches pay for ads, hate roach wasps. Property rights.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 1:07 PM EST up reply actions  

Brass Monkey

awesome song? Or super awesome song?

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 1:00 PM EST reply actions  

yo baby, what's up?

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 1:15 PM EST up reply actions  

No! Sleep!

’til Brooklyn!!

Tequila and pancakes, anyone?

by Kevin Mitchell is Batman on Dec 14, 2011 1:37 PM EST up reply actions  

Niedermayer!

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 1:53 PM EST up reply actions  

This discussion is funny to me, because every Beastie Boys song sounds exactly alike.

And they are all great, but all greatly similar.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:04 PM EST up reply actions  

psht,

what qualifies you to talk about music?

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:06 PM EST up reply actions  

Well, I went to a Coldplay concert once.

/Getthisthreadto1,000comments’d

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:14 PM EST up reply actions  

Nah, I like a lot bands you've never heard of.

You’ll know about them in a few years once they’ve sold out.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:35 PM EST up reply actions  

We're not really going to diss Huey Lewis now are we?

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:47 PM EST up reply actions  

I hate you for that as well

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:36 PM EST up reply actions  

Correction.

I hate Coldplay. I like some of their music.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:38 PM EST up reply actions  

No, no, no... never!

I am saying that most musicians… and people in the arts period for that matter… are douches. #NeverDateATheatreMajor #FuckItImSpellingItTheaterFromNowOn #SuckOnThat

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:40 PM EST up reply actions  

Don't embrace it!

Screw these jerks and their elitist attitudes!

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:36 PM EST up reply actions  

Umm, I meant

Don’t! Embrace it!

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:36 PM EST up reply actions  

Yeah, I can dig.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:37 PM EST up reply actions  

definite no

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Dec 14, 2011 2:37 PM EST up reply actions  

spot on

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:38 PM EST up reply actions  

as you should

you should embrace some masochistic tendencies, stat

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 6:23 PM EST up reply actions  

Root Down

is my favorite.

by Joe Nolan's Neckbeard on Dec 14, 2011 1:15 PM EST up reply actions  

Via Jimmy Smith, hat's one of the funking-est bass grooves

of all.

Mgr., Red Reporter

"Bootsy, you're a superstar right?"
"Twinkle, twinkle, babble."

by RijoSaboCaseyWKRP on Dec 14, 2011 1:17 PM EST up reply actions  

Yeah,

and the Hammond organ is awesome .

by Joe Nolan's Neckbeard on Dec 14, 2011 2:09 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm partial to the Harrison organ myself

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:24 PM EST up reply actions  

True story time - ah, never mind

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:26 PM EST up reply actions  

you're so versatile

you have the ability to play left-handed like Jimi Hendrix, or right-handed like most everyone else

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 6:25 PM EST up reply actions  

High Plains Drifter

Shake Your Rump.

“I’m Mike D and I’m back from the dead!” That line is the illest.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 14, 2011 1:21 PM EST up reply actions  

Hmm, here's a quick way to turn this into a 600 comment thread...

Fugees “The Score,” Blind Melon “Eponymous,” and of course RHCP’s “BloodSugarSexMagik”

Tequila and pancakes, anyone?

by Kevin Mitchell is Batman on Dec 14, 2011 2:10 PM EST up reply actions  

Nirvana was the Best Band of the 90s

The Beatles are overrated
Rihanna is hot.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:16 PM EST up reply actions  

Mighty Might Bosstones

the Eagles were better.
Zooey Deschanel is hotter

/trollinthetrolls.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:21 PM EST up reply actions  

Zooey whatsherdick and katy perry look a lot alike

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:25 PM EST up reply actions  

very much

in fact there was a picture of one of them posted yesterday singing at a baseball game.

don’t know which one it was.

katy perry’s blond hair she was sporting on snl was very nice

by 'tHan on Dec 14, 2011 2:26 PM EST up reply actions  

Katy Perry is a complete two-face to me.

She’s only attractive about half the time. Even on SNL, she was attractive about half the time.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:27 PM EST up reply actions  

Swing and a miss

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:41 PM EST up reply actions  

This is undoubtedly true

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:45 PM EST up reply actions  

I can help the syntax of my sentences

but I choose not to.

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 2:47 PM EST up reply actions  

ain't nothin' wrong with The Eagles

Glenn Frey.. Don Henley.. Joe Walsh..

Hell, I’ll listen to Don Henley all by himself

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 6:28 PM EST up reply actions  

I had (have) a total crush on Daisy Fuentes.

Mick Jagger couldn’t sing worth a shit.
Soundgarden is the best band from Seattle.

Tequila and pancakes, anyone?

by Kevin Mitchell is Batman on Dec 14, 2011 2:22 PM EST up reply actions  

The Ramones were terrible

Bob Dylan is the most overrated human being ever
Dave Matthews is a great musician

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:24 PM EST up reply actions  

Prove me wrong!

You have about 6 comments until we’re all the way to the right of the thread!

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:26 PM EST up reply actions  

The Strokes keep coming up on my Pandora

but I don’t particularly like them. It just seems like I like a lot of bands like them.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:27 PM EST up reply actions  

Gross.

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 2:45 PM EST up reply actions  

I'd rather have a stroke than listen to either

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:46 PM EST up reply actions  

Would you truly?

I’d definitely rather listen to Miley Cyrus for a full hour rather than have a stroke. But anything over an hour? Give me the stroke.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:49 PM EST up reply actions  

Actually...

It depends on what type of stroke he’s talking about. Because if it’s that kind of stroke, I’d definitely take a stroke even over Eve 6.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:50 PM EST up reply actions  

I doubt the vailidity of your fafdyhhuij78uyjtjn

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:51 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

I said

“Well use your GOOD arm, and punch yourself in the face”

…….anyone? anyone? Bueller?

Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

by UncleWeez on Dec 14, 2011 3:11 PM EST up reply actions  

I actually kinda like them.

I don’t know whether it’s cool to like them or not, but they’re alright.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:28 PM EST up reply actions  

I don't think it's cool to like them anymore

They won a few Grammys. And they are from Akron. My brother in law knew of them in high school, says they were dooshes.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 14, 2011 2:29 PM EST up reply actions  

Go to Pitchfork

And hate everything they like.

It’s simple!

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 2:53 PM EST up reply actions  

Better than being obsessed with someone else's genitalia, no?

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:33 PM EST up reply actions  

Sandusky'd

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:36 PM EST up reply actions  

good lord

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:38 PM EST up reply actions  

This is horrible.

Can we talk about baseball?

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 2:39 PM EST up reply actions  

YES PLEASE

Which Saunders would you prefer? Reggie, Dieon, or Joe?

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:40 PM EST up reply actions  

During any period of time? Reggie.

Now? Joe.

Wait… Who is Reggie Saunders?

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:42 PM EST up reply actions  

the R&B soul singer?

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:42 PM EST up reply actions  

x

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 2:43 PM EST up reply actions  

What's a matter Colonel Sanders, chicken?

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:44 PM EST up reply actions  

Deion

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 6:30 PM EST up reply actions  

They absolutely tear it up live.

I haven’t bought any of their records in years, but if given the chance, see them live.

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Dec 14, 2011 2:30 PM EST up reply actions  

you know my routine around these parts

step away for a couple days..

didn’t really pay attention to the date of your post, but jch’s status was at the top of my facebook feed most of today

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 9:36 PM EST up reply actions  

Or the Black Eyed Peas

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:28 PM EST up reply actions  

x

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:28 PM EST up reply actions  

i saw a pic of rihanna from a recent concert that said she was wearing "short shorts"

they looked a lot more like “bloomers”

why does she always pull her pants up to her armpits?

it’s like she’s doing the snl clint eastwood impression

by 'tHan on Dec 14, 2011 2:24 PM EST up reply actions  

You mean, the impression that they do in 50% of their episodes

yet it never has anything to do with whatever sketch it’s in? All any non-Weekend Update sketch is this year is a vehicle for each of the cast members to do the 3 or so impressions they all can do.

/rant

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Dec 14, 2011 7:28 PM EST up reply actions  

Speaking of Nirvana

The Muppets barbershop version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is legen…….waaait for it….. dary.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:36 PM EST up reply actions  

We went last night.

There were a total of 4 people in the audience. We were all around 20.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:39 PM EST up reply actions  

wait..

you’re not really going to agree with me about the Beatles, are you?

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 6:26 PM EST up reply actions  

I was thinking about them yesterday

I stumbled into <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCAQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pastemagazine.com%2Fblogs%2Flists%2F2011%2F05%2Fthe-20-best-beastie-boys-songs-of-all-time.html&ei=3OfoTufNEKO0sQLimZDYCA&usg=AFQjCNFvkyhGTcLwcyLKIQ8j6HJxYXTE3A&sig2=AWdt6nOAPqs21eCLI4FgLA" >this article.

Only a fool doesn’t like the Beasties. It’s too bad that the New York they describe simply doesn’t exist anymore.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 1:16 PM EST up reply actions  

I miss the crack wars and daylight stabbings in Union Square

Mgr., Red Reporter

"Bootsy, you're a superstar right?"
"Twinkle, twinkle, babble."

by RijoSaboCaseyWKRP on Dec 14, 2011 1:18 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

Yeah, I always get a kick when people bemoan the loss of the "old New York"

I wish I could get mugged twice a week, have to step over garbage everywhere, and get 4 STDs just by walking through Times Square. Those were the good old days!

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:06 PM EST up reply actions  

Dang.

NPR totally nailed us.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 1:23 PM EST reply actions  

Actually, did you see what they did?

The Enquirer went to Facebook commenting, so there is no more anonymity. The comments on the article about the website going to non-anonymous commenting was like a hall of fame of Enquirer commenting, as the cretins got their last chance to demonstrate their intelligence. Needless to say, the content of comments has changed considerably since.

by Cuetotally Amazing on Dec 14, 2011 1:36 PM EST up reply actions  

Jeez, I wonder who #3 is?

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 1:34 PM EST up reply actions  

This

is inspired.

Also, Slate just ran a similar story.

by ken on Dec 14, 2011 1:49 PM EST up reply actions  

I can't remember where I saw it

but there was a story on female writers that said a decent chunk (I want to say ~30%) of their comments were solely sexual abuse or rape fantasies.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 1:58 PM EST up reply actions  

What's the dumbest branch of the military?

You guessed it.

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 1:39 PM EST reply actions  

Yeah, talk about a serious fuck up at a REALLY bad time

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:25 PM EST up reply actions  

Fun fact

Cincinnati is home to the oldest mortuary college in the country.

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 14, 2011 2:24 PM EST reply actions  

They have really difficult classes

most of their students are pretty much Dead On Arrival.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:26 PM EST up reply actions  

That's not a very fun fact.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:26 PM EST up reply actions  

Proof
Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science has been setting the standard in mortuary science education since 1882, making it the nation’s oldest school of its kind.

link

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 14, 2011 3:03 PM EST up reply actions  

Damn

You all just got served. Harsh!

by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 14, 2011 3:04 PM EST up reply actions  

Totally. That is fun!

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 3:04 PM EST up reply actions  

I bet they're feeling pretty stupid now!

Is there a mod so powerful he can ban himself?

by andromache on Dec 14, 2011 3:05 PM EST up reply actions  

Yeah!

They’re all like, “woaaaahhhhh!! I’m feeling so stupid right now!”

by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 14, 2011 3:06 PM EST up reply actions  

Don't put words in my mouth, schlong noggin.

What I was actually all like, was “duuude, I feel sooooooooo stupid right now!”

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 3:07 PM EST up reply actions  

Funner Fact (sic)

It’s across the street from my High School!

by FordhamRam on Dec 14, 2011 3:18 PM EST up reply actions  

So.

I’m now done with soils. Forever. Or something. I also watched a full season of How I Met Your Mother over the course of a day.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:43 PM EST reply actions   1 recs

Did they find out who the mother is?

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:45 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm pretty sure that happens in some other season.

I just know that if the whole finding true love thing never works out, I should probably just get really wealthy and become a real life version of Barney.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 2:46 PM EST up reply actions  

Do you own any suits?

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:48 PM EST up reply actions  

respect brah, respect

I took 2 suits to Philly last week.

Suit’d up with 2 different ones on Sunday alone.

Something about the feeling of a new suit.

I own 5 suits, and I know I’m developing an addiction to owning more

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 6:36 PM EST up reply actions  

You and me both.

It’s kind of an awesome feeling.

by crolfer on Dec 16, 2011 7:47 PM EST up reply actions  

we definitely need to Suit Up! together

and we can bro it around town, drinking scotch and smoking cigars

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 9:36 PM EST up reply actions  

not if you go to the right places

It was Adam Dunn bobblehead day at Cinergy, and my bro and I went up to Nicholson’s across from the Aronoff center after stopping by Cinergy to grab our bobbleheads before heading back down.

He was 20 at the time. We drank close to $250 of some damn fine scotch before we went back down to the park. That tab didn’t include our food.

They didn’t card him.

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 17, 2011 12:48 PM EST up reply actions  

ah

it will continue to get better until they dedicate way way too much of the story line to Ted’s pathetic life

if you haven’t seen the episode with Marshall’s burger monologue, it’s life changing and should be recited before each RR burger tour stop

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 16, 2011 9:37 PM EST up reply actions  

That's the episode I just stopped on.

It was incredible. I really really wanted an awesome burger after that.

by crolfer on Dec 17, 2011 12:14 PM EST up reply actions  

I wish I had that monologue still memorized

It’s stolen from Amadeus, in an awesome burger way

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 17, 2011 12:48 PM EST up reply actions  

This is pretty funny

It seems Target got jobbed, hard.

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:46 PM EST reply actions  

dang

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 2:49 PM EST up reply actions  

Wait, so the only team that can get Yu is Oakland?

(Does Suzuki even speak Japanese?)

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:56 PM EST up reply actions  

Back to the motherland.

I mean, another team could have him caught by a non-Japanese speaker, but clearly this would not work for the Reds.

Is there a mod so powerful he can ban himself?

by andromache on Dec 14, 2011 2:58 PM EST up reply actions  

yeah, but I can't remember who corrected him.

Maybe it was Yu.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 3:00 PM EST up reply actions  

There were birds in the sky, but I never heard them singing.

No I never heard them at all, til there was Yu……

Is there a mod so powerful he can ban himself?

by andromache on Dec 14, 2011 3:03 PM EST up reply actions  

Yu so craaaazy

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 3:03 PM EST up reply actions  

I actually looked him up before commenting

he plays in Japan now.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 2:58 PM EST up reply actions  

jch?

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 15, 2011 11:22 PM EST up reply actions  

Nope

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 16, 2011 9:46 AM EST up reply actions  

well she is a lawyer

i could never survive law school.

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 17, 2011 9:03 AM EST up reply actions  

That's a pretty interesting post, though.

Jocko still frustrated by the trade market

He did tell his staff they’d probably have some sort of deal by the end of the week, though.

And they are interested in Ryan Theriot!

(And Joe Saunders, who wouldn’t be a terrible pickup)

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:51 PM EST up reply actions  

What happened to "go big or go home"?

Jesus, you’re worse than a woman with the way you change your mind.

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 2:56 PM EST up reply actions  

i turned him with the idea of finding mid rotation work horse now

and making a big trade in July.

He is amazed by how smart, sexy, and funny I am.

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 14, 2011 3:22 PM EST up reply actions  

Yeah, my thought was that it would make Wood/Bailey/Volquez that much more expendable in trade talks.

Not that anyone really wants any of them, but you never know.

It feels so nice to be back to normal

by nycredsfan on Dec 14, 2011 2:58 PM EST up reply actions  

Seems like just yesterday we had too many #3 guys.

/minute-long exasperated sigh

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 3:00 PM EST up reply actions  

They all became AAAA guys

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 3:01 PM EST up reply actions  

I love this

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Dec 14, 2011 7:24 PM EST up reply actions  

I think Joe Saunders would be a pointless and terrible pickup

He and Arroyo can compete for the HR-allowed title.

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 14, 2011 3:05 PM EST up reply actions  

The saddest thing is he won 12 games.

That would have tied for our team lead.

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 3:06 PM EST up reply actions  

The Dbacks won 94 games

and Saunders had a losing record. Context!

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 14, 2011 3:07 PM EST up reply actions  

Your ability to imagine imperatives is highly developed

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 14, 2011 3:28 PM EST up reply actions  

What? Go fuck myself?

I’ll have your badge for this!

A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.

by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 14, 2011 4:45 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

haha

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 14, 2011 4:47 PM EST up reply actions  

That is a coincidence and irrelevant?

"Aroldis Chapman is a seven course meal followed by four hours of sex on the table with a nymphomaniac model heiress who owns her own brewery." - jch24

by BK on Dec 14, 2011 3:11 PM EST via iPhone app up reply actions  

He would fit the tenor of everything that's happened in the last year perfectly in his blandness, however.

/trollingslyde

We're all mad. I'm mad. You're mad. Otherwise, you wouldn't have come here.

by chesirecat on Dec 14, 2011 3:11 PM EST up reply actions  

he said maybe more than one

I would guess he’s overly optimistic.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Dec 14, 2011 4:33 PM EST up reply actions  

The more I think about it

I would like to see them pick up Theriot, for the right price. The Reds have nobody who is noticeably better (Cozart could be but he has 11 big league baseball games under his belt). Plus Theriot backing up BP and Cozart is a better situation than Janish.

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 14, 2011 4:44 PM EST up reply actions  

teh Fay

notes that Theriot may not be happy backing up Cozart. I’d be a little worried that Dusty will start him over Cozart if Cozart struggles at all.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Dec 14, 2011 4:53 PM EST up reply actions  

honestly I think Cozart has the upside to be a Theriot type player

decent but not memorable player for a few years.

Contributing little more than than snark and wittiness to SBN since 2007.

by Yossarian22 on Dec 14, 2011 4:56 PM EST up reply actions  

but with above average defense

if Theriot played great defense, he’d be a top 10 SS

Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

by UncleWeez on Dec 14, 2011 5:05 PM EST up reply actions  

that was my first thought

But according to Fangraphs, Theriot is not a terrible SS.

I would guess Cozart is better now, if only because of their ages, but Justin’s prediction might not be too far out in left field.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Dec 14, 2011 5:08 PM EST up reply actions  

According to Tom Tango's Fans Scouting Report

he was the worst fielding SS in the majors

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Dec 14, 2011 5:14 PM EST up reply actions  

funnily enough

the bottom 4 in the NL are all from the Central

Theriot
Yuni
Angel Sanchez
Edgard

Let a man come in and do the Popcorn.
Crum-Bum Beat

by -ManBearPig on Dec 14, 2011 5:24 PM EST up reply actions  

maybe now

But it looks like he had three good years (2007-2009, ages 27-29).

Which is what Justin said: a few decent years.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Dec 14, 2011 5:34 PM EST up reply actions  

did you?

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 17, 2011 9:33 AM EST up reply actions  

Nah, I'm just asking

cuz while I don’t think FSR is very accurate or useful, I’m wondering why you are so sure Theriot is better.

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 17, 2011 5:01 PM EST up reply actions  

I guess I just saw enough shit of him on BBTN

I can’t say that I watch the Brewers on a regularly basis

arguing over who is worse between Yuni and Theriot is like arguing.. well, you get picture..

The ends justify the means

by Highlifeman21 on Dec 17, 2011 7:06 PM EST up reply actions  

Bus drivers are the coolest.

I had a talk about alcohol with one on the way back from my final. It was awesome.

by crolfer on Dec 14, 2011 3:52 PM EST reply actions  

I think as a group

they are some of the meanest and unhappiest people!

expectations are premeditated resentments - cheshirecat

by kcgard2 on Dec 14, 2011 4:48 PM EST up reply actions  

Remember us talking about bras? Check out this ad for a push up bra

"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow

by jch24 on Dec 14, 2011 4:44 PM EST reply actions  

You mean a beha.

"You said 'walks' twice."
"I like walks."

by Cy Schourek on Dec 14, 2011 5:15 PM EST up reply actions  

I'mma blow that up

Frame it, and put it on the wall in my bathroom.

by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 14, 2011 4:56 PM EST up reply actions  

kitty fist bump is watching you poop

Fuck lion say what! i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

by UncleWeez on Dec 14, 2011 5:06 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

And watching you take a shower

Bart: "Dad, what's a Muppet?"
Homer: "Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know."

by ChiDa on Dec 14, 2011 5:19 PM EST up reply actions  

Comments For This Post Are Closed


User Tools

Welcome to the SB Nation blog about Cincinnati Reds. Community Guidlines

FanPosts

Community blog posts and discussion.

Recommended FanPosts

Long-hair-baseball-player_small
Red Reporter Field Trip: Taking in BP at GABP, but not with BP
Turtle17_small
The Draft: Reds all-time best, 1 through 40.
Anime_small
The Ranch (Bailey vs. Sale)
Anime_small
Rainy Sunday (Leake vs. Skaggs)
Mister_redlegs_hasaposse1_small
Requiem For Riverfront

Recent FanPosts

Jcueto_lol_small
MLB 12: The Show - Custom Chapman Cover
500x_custom_1271135923567_jaybruce_small
2012 Depth Concerns
1295279046-zack-morris-phone_small
Why Is Ryan Hanigan's Bat Wasted?
Herve_small
From The Opponent's Feed™: Not-a-Homer Simpson
Turtle17_small
The Draft: Richie Shaffer-3B-Clemson.
Rorschach_small_small
Sunday's Rockies game - Anyone here going?
1310_small
Pls Help Me Figure Out Who Signed This Ball
Anime_small
A Salami For Soto (Villareal vs. Cloyd)

+ New FanPost All FanPosts >

FanShots

Yahoo_full_count

Bench Coaches

How-thomas-the-tank-engine-works-11_small BK

Ken_fish_called_wanda_small ken

Zombie-mlb_small Charlie Scrabbles

340x_charliesheen_small Kevin Mitchell is Batman

5851799_small FordhamRam

Lurch_small UncleWeez

Long-hair-baseball-player_small -ManBearPig

Nyc_small AC Slider

Beat Reporters

Jinaz-reds-avatar_small JinAZ

Turtle17_small Thundering Turtle

Small riverfront76

Piñata_small kcgard2