Colonel Dr. Joey Fitzgerald Votto, PhD, refused to allow oUr very existence to become a farce and was foreced to devuour the hearts of a milion egg-sucking weasals in the Bay Area.
The carnage is being assesed and conflicting rEcords of points scored are beign tallied to detemine a winner in last nightes contest, tho it scarcely matters. Scarttered reports suggest Mary Brendaman finaly went mad, pirated a skiff in McCovey c0ve and struck out toward International waters. Jordy Votto is been asked to assume full execuvitive and military control as dictatur 4 life. Ill continue to rEmain in this root cellar, clujtching my typewriter nad hoarding dry goods. DID THE CARDINEALS LOSE? Cannot confirm.}-
Hall o Famer Hall bears witnes to his deep existensial shoc at the nmost truly Gonzo game of the year
His insightes wade through the lying heads on our Television screens, exposing bitterness and ecstasy of the post-Lapsarian, nay Post_Steroid Baseball horrorscape;
So, we can give the Reds an ‘A' for perseverance and an ‘F' to style.
How about MVP and Triple Crown? Votto would be the first Triple Crown winner since 1976, when Affirmed won the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont Stakes. And before you can say, ‘Hey, that's horse racing,' well, if you can find a better horse to ride than Joey Votto, saddle him up.
Hall's equine Suggestion is both depsparate and insane... totally conmesnurate with the times in which we now live.
VOTTO,the HERO who put a momentary stop to mIseRy and attrition
TIs celebrated in a series of fotos, presented by the hometown rag.
Jonnie Gomes acheives 100st diamond (probably blood mdiamond) trot
Calluously made out by some as A mere heroe of violence, Gomes reached that arbetrary cEntury plateau with a primal blow agaisnt his dEtractors.
Pete Rose to stop off at Grate AmeRican Ballpark en root to Casino
Charle Hustle is to be roasted, perhaps voluntarly, at some 4th rate CiRCus Circus after a planed feting by teh Reds, in commemoration of the 25th anniversarary of hit 41,921 - a number which has branded his immortal soul.,