Red Reposter - Radiotron XT 4099
by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 16, 2010 2:00 PM EST
in Fake News
Email
PrintI was once again able to get some time with the Radiotron XT 4099, which you may remember is equipped with the latest in HD radio technology capable of receiving broadcasts from all around space-time. Much like the Palomar Observatory at CalTech, the Radiotron has a backlog of lab time requests stretching years into the future. Everyone from government scientists to eccentric billionaires has requested lab time with the device. Lucky for you, I have an in with one of the fellas over at Radiotron Amalgamated Laboratories and Facilities (RALF) and am able to get lab time pretty much whenever I want. While others might use the Radiotron to foresee and avoid global conflicts or try to game the stock market, we here at the Red Reposter News Bureau feel duty-bound to bring you the future news of your favorite baseball team.
Here is a broadcast I was able to pick up from some time in July, 2015:
...which if true, could mean compulsory military service will be enjoyed by children as young as 11. Hmm, they will really enjoy that, won't they Bill?
- You betcha, Sarah. Moving on now to sports, the Reds have held a commanding lead in the NL Central all year since starting the season on a 90-game winning streak, but the Boys in Red are not letting up over the All-Star Break. The team will be making the trip to RijoSaboCaseyWKRP Field (neé Citi Field) for the Midsummer Classic. Reds outfielder and Team Generalissimo Jay Bruce: "I'm so honored to be chosen to go to the All-Star Game and Festival to Celebrate and Honor the Fans, especially since General Viceroy RijoSaboCaseyWKRP has given us such a better game to play. Everything is so much better now that he is running baseball, for us the players and especially for the Fans. I'm really looking forward to participating in the wheel barrow race again this year. Drew Stubbs and I won it last year and we are really excited to defend our title. I've been in the weight room quite a bit lately to build up my calves so he'll have something meatier to hold on to."Attendance at and viewership of the ASG&FtCaHtF have skyrocketed since finally being fixed by General Viceroy RijoSaboCaseyWKRP, who as we all know was appointed as General Viceroy on First Freedom Day three years ago. Rising from humble beginnings as a gentle blog administrator, the GV has revolutionized the game of baseball since taking the reins. Baseball was hopeless under the supervision of the Ancien Régime, with old near-sighted commissioner Selig and his cronies oppressing the Fans and controlling baseball for their own profit. The GV was the only one brave enough to stand up to the injustice, leading the Revolution of the Fans and winning the Day of First Freedom. And for that we the Fans are all compulsorily grateful.
The General Viceroy's hometown Reds have shined under his leadership, winning the last 3 World Series and losing only one game during that stretch (the one loss was to the now-defunct Milwaukee Brewers, who mysteriously disappeared just hours after the game). Outfielders Jay Bruce and Drew Stubbs, as well as first baseman Joey Votto are the only players to ever be elected to the Hall of Fame as active players, and their play on the field has been instrumental in the Reds unparalleled run of excellence.As for the ASG&FtCaHtF, the schedule of Fan Festivities is to be released tomorrow morning. The game itself will be Sunday the 11th, with the first pitch scheduled to be thrown at 3:14 PM by the General Viceroy himself. The results of the Fan Vote for pregame Fan Festivities (all entries were chosen by the GV himself) will be released along with the schedule tomorrow, but many expect fan favorites the slam dunk contest, wheel barrow race, and player caricature drawing seminar to easily make the cut. Other activities on the ballot are the truth-telling contest, Jocks vs. Joes softball game, cussing contest, flonkerton, basket-weaving seminar with hall of famer Barry Larkin, and new entries pool party with the players, go-cart races, and pig wrangling competition. Reds shortstop Hanley Ramirez has been personally lobbying the Fans to vote for the go-cart races. "I love racing the go-carts. I've been practicing most mornings down at the track the GV built for me when I came to Cincinnati, so I really think I have a chance to win this. Joey (Votto) thinks he's some kind of a Dale Earnhardt or some shit, but I spun his ass out the other day. Rubbin' is racin'!"
Tickets to this weekends' events are free to all Fans, as always. All hail, 'KRP!
Something to look forward to, I guess.
76 comments
|
4 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
rec'd and shit
This is what I want to be reading about in the offseason.
My only disappointment is that the newly instituted pool party isn’t with players’ wives. That’d be much better.
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
How come I didn't read ....
about the teams all having to change their color schemes?
I was hearing rumors that the Design and Fashion Department was dismayed by this dull gray on the road, white at home tedium. Something like Pirate Mustard, Indian Blood Red, Cubbie Blue Kindersheisen Green …
… so what gives, GV?
I trust this organization. I trust this organization. I trust this organization. -- Justin
I volunteer for Servant to the Vice Viceroy.
So we have the GV, the VV, and the SttVV. Positions are about set.
"I bet that sex Bengals fan is really pissed now." -DT3428
I'll have a Double Macchiatto with 2% milk
That’s 2% MILK. And 5/6 of a Splenda packet. No more, no less. Have the barista stir it twice clockwise, and 4 times counterclockwise.
Thanks!
Joey Votto on Colin Cowherd: "I don’t know who he is"
In other news
CBS’ Top 10 Baseball Storylines from 2010 came out, and in #8 they say:
The NL was a lot more closer with the combatants as Joey Votto (pictured) and Albert Pujols.
Ignoring the grammatical error(s), the picture is of Pujols. facepalm
Joey Votto on Colin Cowherd: "I don’t know who he is"
Not ignoring the grammatical errors...
That’s some pretty terrible grammar right there. And not the kind that sounds okay, but is technically objectionable – the sentence sounds like it was written by someone who doesn’t speak English that well.
"there no countrey called west xylophone" Youtube
I thought it was C Trent not John Fay who went to CBS?
Joey Votto on Colin Cowherd: "I don’t know who he is"
I believe you are correct.
by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 16, 2010 6:01 PM EST up reply actions
ha I know
man, my sarcasm font isn’t working today. I was jabbing at the grammatical errors in the CBS post
Joey Votto on Colin Cowherd: "I don’t know who he is"
John Fay went to CSB
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, is just a freight train coming your way...
@btcoop71
by btcoop71 on Dec 17, 2010 9:24 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Interestingly, they've corrected the photo error but left the nonsensical sentence alone. Odd.
(The better change would have been to actually picture Votto, but they just moved the word “pictured.”)
by the finest muffins on Dec 16, 2010 9:31 PM EST up reply actions
They couldn't picture Votto.
The keyboards of RR users wouldn’t appreciate it.
"I bet that sex Bengals fan is really pissed now." -DT3428
lotta outsourcing goin' around the USofA these days....
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 17, 2010 7:45 PM EST up reply actions
one of the many beauties of capitalism!
"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word."
-President Andrew Jackson
by justin007000 on Dec 19, 2010 2:53 PM EST up reply actions
I'm not here to talk about the future
Chris Jaffe talks about the past, specifically Mr. George Kenneth Griffey Jr., who turns 15,000 days old today.
The post also includes an all-living Reds team, which is a decided turn from the darkness that is the death pool in the fanposts.
Follow on Twitter: @redreporter. Buy The Wire-to-Wire Reds today!
I wonder how long until Joey replaces Tony Perez as the all-living team 1B.
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
according to bWAR, about 5 or 6 more years of similar production to the last 2 years
Follow on Twitter: @redreporter. Buy The Wire-to-Wire Reds today!
I think he meant when will Tony throw a 7.
by Brian B on Dec 16, 2010 3:20 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
do we have a ruling on who wins the Death Pool
if there’s a zombie apocolypse?
"College actually kind of beat that out of me, making me more, well, of an asshole."
I'm pretty sure the zombies win everything in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
But then, I’ve never seen a zombie movie.
by the finest muffins on Dec 16, 2010 9:26 PM EST up reply actions
Things I learned watching "The Walking Dead":
1) A crossbow is an excellent weapon to possess during a zombie apocalypse.
2) Be in a coma when the shit all goes down.
3) Make your way to an island. Zombies apparently can’t swim.
BK
I’m sorry, he goes by BY these days….
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 17, 2010 7:46 PM EST up reply actions
an all living Reds team
Seems like that would be pretty easy to find.
Finding 25 guys who are dead and still willing to suit up, that’s another story.
I trust this organization. I trust this organization. I trust this organization. -- Justin
Obviously,
you have never seen Field of Dreams
"College actually kind of beat that out of me, making me more, well, of an asshole."
That's a pretty impressive list
Of the first 6 names on the list, 5 are in the HOF (rightly, I think – those who don’t think Perez belongs argue for a smaller Hall than I like) and one played well enough to be enshrined.
"You never know how you look through other people's eyes"
I'll take some of what he's having.
You're never as bad as you look when you lose. You're never as good as you look when you win.
Well that was time well spent.
by Brian B on Dec 16, 2010 3:21 PM EST via mobile reply actions 2 recs
Oh yeah?
Well…the jerkstore called, and they’re running out of YOU!
by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 17, 2010 8:09 AM EST up reply actions
well
the pant store called and they are running out of you!
"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word."
-President Andrew Jackson
by justin007000 on Dec 17, 2010 12:53 PM EST up reply actions
That doesn't make sense
I’m not slacks.
by Charlie Scrabbles on Dec 17, 2010 1:08 PM EST up reply actions
HOF ballot
I have a stock Larkin-for-HOF email that I shoot off to writers when I come across an article (usually at BBTF) where the writer seeks advice on the ballot. Paul Leume posted something like this today. Paul responded to my email in the comments:
@ Ken – In response to your e-mail in support of Barry Larkin.
I’m not suggesting that Barry Larkin was not a very good ball player, not at all. The best way I can explain my thinking to you is like this (AND I UNDER STAND THIS ISN’T THE ONLY WAY TO VALUE SOMEONE, SO PLEASE LET’S NOT HAVE SOME ONE QUOTE MY ONE SENTENCE AND TRY TO PICK IT APART).
While he was playing, how prolific was he compared to his piers? Did he ever have a run like
Nomar Garciaparra did from 97-2003? What about Miguel Tejada? Did he put anything together that looked like Tejada’s 2000-2006? Does Derek Jeter take a back seat to him? Does his career match up to Cal Ripkins? Was his best year ever even better than A-Rod’s worst year?
Ok, so it’s not all hitting. Are we saying that he was a hands down better fielder than Omar Vizquel and Ozzie Smith?
I completely understand that Larkin has some impressive baseball credentials and I enjoyed watching him play as he was a very good athlete with an all around game.
Let me put it this way, with no disrespect to Barry Larkin. Barry had a positive effect on his team and on the game of baseball, but there were other players that were able to dominate. For me, Larkin should be in the Cincinnati Red HOF, not the MLB one.
BTW – I don’t think that supports of Larkin for the Hall are crazy or off the wall. That’s not what I’m saying at all and I certainly understand the case for him, the case for Bert Blyleven or anyone else argued for here. I just feel that there are better candidates that should get in before them. If there comes a time where there were no better candidates in my eyes, perhaps they would be able to get my vote.
If Larkin were to get inducted I wouldn’t consider it a travesty. He is certainly more deserving than some others who are in. But for me, that’s just not enough because I don’t think those others should be in anyway.
I haven’t read the other comments because there are a ton, but wow, that typo/malapropism would make Fay blush.
There’s so much else to pick at here, I don’t know where to start.
"For in depth reporting on Barry Larkin and his piers, we go to Bronson Arroyo on location."
"there no countrey called west xylophone" Youtube
by andromache on Dec 16, 2010 4:37 PM EST up reply actions 8 recs
You know what's scary?
He makes the same mistake in the comments 2 or 3 more times, as does another writer on that blog.
He also says that it’s a player’s “write” to do something.
Also, ken, I would discourage you from reading the comments. This writer just gets more angry, loony, and nonsensical the further down the page you read. It’s really kinda pathetic.
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
Pier and peer, at least, are not usually every day words.
That one’s much worse, especially for people who right for a living.
"there no countrey called west xylophone" Youtube
by andromache on Dec 16, 2010 11:27 PM EST up reply actions 2 recs
If you're gonna make fun of Mr. Leume
you don’t have to go and rip kin of the guy
"College actually kind of beat that out of me, making me more, well, of an asshole."
by Cy Schourek on Dec 16, 2010 7:40 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
WHOW DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL RIPKEN, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE?!?!?!?!?!
I mean, literally, this fuck gets a Hall of Fame vote and he can’t spell Ripken? It’s not even a typo – the “i” isn’t anywhere near the “e” on any keyboard!
You're right. I started to write a comment rebutting some of his points but I realized I don't have an hour to kill
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
This makes me want to punch and vomit simultaneously.
It’s my signature move. I call it “chunky hay-maker”.
by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 16, 2010 6:04 PM EST up reply actions
That guy can blow me
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, is just a freight train coming your way...
@btcoop71
what a jagoff
I love how he cites the ONLY 4 SS with better offensive stats than Larkin as his basis for excluding him, while one of those is an admitted roider and another is a named roider who lied about his birth certificate…and Barry’s better offensively than every other SS EVER.
And yes, I do think he was a better fielder than Ozzie, and for longer.
By this guy’s metrics, Bagwell doesn’t stand a chance either.
Set the gearshift to the high gear of your soul.
by Kevin Mitchell is Batman on Dec 17, 2010 9:42 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Barry is the best offensive SS ever?
and better than Ozzie defensively – that one is a real man’s assertion.
better defensively than the Wiz?
and for longer?
are you drunker than Justin?
by Highlifeman21 on Dec 17, 2010 7:51 PM EST up reply actions
His reasoning isn't crazy
I disagree with him, but I’ve seen writers with votes do much worse than this.
He's saying Barry doesn't have a peak argument
Which is crazy. Larkin’s case isn’t built on longevity or reaching numerical milestones. It’s that he was the best shortstop in the game for a sustained period of time.
Well, comparatively, his peak wasn't that great
Tejada, A-Rod, Garciaparra, (maybe) Jeter have better peaks. I mean compared to the SS that were his contemporaries, who happened to be a historic group. But if that’s how you look at it, Larkin has probably the 4th-best peak.
I feel Larkin definitely deserves the Hall, and I am a very small Hall person. All I am saying is that this guy at least used some reasoning, which is more than can be said for a very large number of voters. His criteria is to compare peaks with contemporaries, apparently. Not the best approach, but at least a defensible one.
Larkin's peak IS up there with those guys, save for A-Rod
Here are the best 7-year periods for each (using 7 years because ’97-03 is all Nomar has):
Nomar (‘97-’03) 904 games, 325/372/557, 135 OPS+, 77 steals
Tejada (‘00-’06): 1132 games, 297/351/498, 121 OPS+, 49 steals
Jeter (‘98-’04): 1035 games, 319/390/477, 126 OPS+, 164 steals
Ripken (‘83-’89): 1132 games, 280/353/462, 125 OPS+, 16 steals
A-Rod (‘96-’02): 1049 games, 313/385/589, 148 OPS+, 153 steals
Larkin (‘91-’97): 829 games, 304/392/483, 133 OPS+, 180 steals
OR (‘90-’96): 914 games, 302/382/468, 128 OPS+, 196 steals
I’d say Larkin fits in pretty comfortably here. His OPS is OBP heavy, so OPS+ actually underrates him. Plus he was the best baserunner of the group. This is where being a well-rounded player hurts Larkin. He doesn’t have Nomar’s insane AVG or Tejada’s power, but he did everything well. I think this is why Larkin is being underrated by some voters.
The problem is obviously games played. But Larkin is the only player here hurt by the strikes, losing a potential total of 63 games. Something approaching that would put his playing time reasonably close to the non-iron men (I’d forgotten that Tejada had a streak of his own; his games played here matches Ripken’s).
None of this includes defense, where Larkin could hold his own with any shortstop. You have to figure that gives him another leg up on Jeter and Tejada, and maybe Nomar (Total Zone likes his glove, but I thought that by reputation he wasn’t supposed to be all that good). Everything considered, his peak is legendary. It’s a shame that not everybody realizes that.
to be a devil's advocate (and trust me, I'm a Larkin booster)
Larkin was also injured a lot…complaining of the strike is a bit disingenuous.
And a “7 year peak” is selective endpoints ot the max.
That all said, Larkin is the guy I’d want out of everyone, except for A-Rod. He’s an absolute terror of an athlete and one of the baddest sons of bitches to wear monochrome Red-White.
"College actually kind of beat that out of me, making me more, well, of an asshole."
The 7-year peak was chosen for the benefit of Nomar
Since all he has is that 7-year stretch. Larkin actually benefits if an eighth year is added, or if we can look at non-consecutive years. But it would take too much time to do the comparison for a bunch of other periods, and it doesn’t really matter. I was trying to address the author’s argument that Larkin doesn’t have the peak of guys like Nomar or Tejada. I think he clearly does. Even by WAR, which rightfully penalizes Larkin for the missed time, Larkin is in the middle of the pack with those guys.
I didn’t mean to sugar coat the lost time to injuries, but I don’t see why we can’t differentiate that and the lost time to the strike. The lost time to injuries is obviously a much bigger factor. It’s not a huge difference, but I think that an extra 50-60 or so games from the strike gives Larkin an extra win or two and would make his peak look a little better. He was relatively healthy from ‘90 to ’96 but still only averaged 131 games a season. It’s a little thing, but a 140 game average sounds better.
Thanks Ken
I appreciate this info, and he does compare favorably. The lost time to injuries is an issue, but he still compares favorably. I understand this. However, if you were looking at the back of the baseball card (and let’s not give this author too much credit…), Larkin didn’t have good totals for anything except steals. The other guys have counting stats that are comfortably better than Larkin. Thus, while I agree with you and everything you are saying, I also see the reasoning that the author is using.
(BTW, I do believe OPS+ adjusts for OBP weighting. And one more thing is that 7 years is a long time if you are looking at peaks!).
Rec'd, only because we now officially have a fake news section.
"there no countrey called west xylophone" Youtube
In other fake future news...
The Rangers and Astros have petitioned the government of the Republic of Texas to ease its immigration policy so they might expand their potential talent pool. The ruling Tea Party claims that Texas produces a sufficient number of MLB players, and besides, those are good jobs and there’s no reasin they shouldn’t go to Texans.
When you come to the fork in the road, take it.
by poojols on Dec 16, 2010 5:44 PM EST via mobile reply actions 3 recs
"We agree"
-Elvis Andrus, Nelson Cruz, Neftali Feliz
"Those fellas make some good points," Baker said. "They're profane as hell, and they're probably gay, but they make some good points."
Dusty Baker on RR
Sucks not having any money
The As just got Willingham for the equivalent of Danny Dorn and Jordan Smith
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
by nycredsfan on Dec 16, 2010 6:09 PM EST via mobile reply actions
The guys the Nats got are both significantly better than Dorn and Smith
by GlennBraggsSwingAndMissBrokenBat on Dec 16, 2010 6:12 PM EST up reply actions
Well, an imperfect comp to be sure, but I disagree
I do agree that the reliever, Rodriguez, is better than Smith. But not by that much. He throws a hell of a lot harder but can’t hit the broadside of a barn. Point is, he’s a young, cheap pitcher with significant upside.
And as far as Brown, I’d say he’s a pretty decent comp to Dorn. He’s a lefty OFer who was 24 this year but didn’t reach AAA until August, where he promptly sucked. He has hit pretty well in the minors, but in extremely hitter-friendly leagues. I’m sure he has more upside than Dorn, but the point is he’s nowhere near a top prospect.
You wanna go Sappelt and Ondrusek instead? Still, sucks to have no money.
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
I think you are underselling the prospects the Nats got back
in fact, this was one of the few trades where I feel like the selling team got fair value back. I bet these two guys end up as good as 2 of the 3 players the Padres got for Adrian Gonzalez.
I dunno...
Fuentes and Kelly are both pretty awesome, and Rizzo is solid.
Joey Votto on Colin Cowherd: "I don’t know who he is"
You think Fuentes is awesome?
I think he’s Carlos Gomez 2.0.
Kelly is the only one who I think has a decent chance to be significantly better than the A’s prospects, but he’s far from a certainty.
Rizzo is OK, like Corey Brown.
The reliever, Rodriguez is, as fangraphs put it "a lottery ticket"
He could be great, or he could be completely useless. Dude was walking almost a batter an inning in the minors.
And the OF didn’t get to AAA until he was almost 25, and he sucked there. His numbers are pretty good, but he seems like a 4th OF type. Nothing special.
Neither guy is a top 10 prospect, and Brown might not be top 15.
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
and FTR
I’m not saying the Nats got hosed. I am saying the Reds could’ve matched that prospect haul EASILY and it wouldn’t even have hurt that much.
Sucks to not have money.
see what I did there with uzr? it’s like a LOL cats saber-pun combo.--Verka Serduchka
Fair enough
alternatively, Brown made it to AA at 23, Rizzo at 22, and their numbers look very similar, though Brown plays OF.
Rodriguez had trouble with walks in the minors (big time, you are right), but hasn’t shown that at the majors, and at other times in the minors was fine.
I guess I am not arguing with you about how good the A’s prospects were – they were decent. I am arguing about how good the Red Sox prospects were, because I think they were also merely decent, with one lottery ticket (Kelly).
I would pay some large amount of money
to see a the wheelbarrow race instituted at the All-Star game. Now the question is, is that a wheelbarrow race around the bases? I think perhaps in from the bullpen.
The winning team could decide home field advantage for the playoffs. Makes as much sense as the current system.
Just to piss you off.
Arroyo wins a Cy Young too.
"People don't kill people. Burning oreo packages kill people."
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on Red Reporter
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
FanShots
Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.
Recent FanShots
