On behalf of all the lurkers....

"The USA despite its flaws and corruption and overall messiness is still a great and powerful instrument of freedom and hope for the entire world." - Madville

Anything contained in, not contained in, assumed to be implied by, warranted by, excluded from being warranted by, or vaguely alluded to in this document, or any other document resembling or not resembling this document in any way, shall not be attributed to, blamed upon, or otherwise associated with the named author, any alleged author, the sender, any of the sender’s friends, enemies, or acquaintances, or the United States Government, or any other government of any city, county, state, province, or country, nor shall any of the aforementioned parties be held responsible, irresponsible, accountable, uncountable, or in any way involved with the aforementioned document or the presence or absence thereof.

This does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends; don’t quote me on that; don’t quote me on anything; all rights reserved; distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include this in commercial publications without written permission from the President; other copyright laws for specific items apply wherever noted; subject to change without notice; slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; accept no substitutes; for a limited time only; this offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity employer; no shoes, no shirt, no service; quantities are limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; read and follow all label directions; no preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; smoking may be hazardous to your health; made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used during testing; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a specialist; slippery when wet; must be 18 years or older to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating dealers; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply; only at participating stores; get one today; warning: pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure; discontinue use if any of the following occurs: Itching, Vertigo, Dizziness, Tingling in extremities, Loss of balance or coordination, Slurred speech, Temporary blindness, Profuse sweating, or Heart palpitations; failure to do so relieves the makers of any and all liability; company officials were unable to be reached for comment due to the fact that no one actually tried; photos are representational only, and are not the real thing; no penalty for early reply; transportation not included; in case of a tie, the wearer may be asked to remove it; maximum achievable level of fun is unknown and may vary from group to group; not valid in the state of confusion; not responsible for errors in judgement; your rights may vary from state to state; no gifts, please.

As a resident of the ’90’s, I take no responsibility for anything I say or do. If any of my actions hurt or offend anyone, it was probably not my fault, and the result of some childhood trauma which I’ve probably repressed.