RR Eyewitness Report - Turner Field
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 5:10 AM EDT
48 comments
Well, I've made it back and it's time for the fantastical stories I promised. Let's start with the obvious, my attire for the day at Turner Field:
Where do I start? Long story short, my adventure started Thursday and culminated Sunday afternoon at Turner Field witnessing Tommy "Jesus" Hanson's ML debut. I saw three professional baseball games in three different states in four days, good times for any baseball fan to be sure. Here's my rundown from the Ted:
Me and the hostess with the mostest (more on that in a bit) took MARTA to the ballpark Sunday. She might have been testin' my gangsta, but it wasn't nearly as frightening as some make it out to be. I chalk this up to riding MARTA on a Sunday at 12:30 PM as opposed to a Friday or Saturday night. I loved the PSA poster that said something like "We can see what you're doing" with a picture of an Atlanta police officer, graffitized to hell.
We exited at the Five Points station and walked through Atlanta Underground to get to the waiting shuttle that would take us to Turner Field. My favorite part of this was when the first store we encountered (A DOLLAR STORE MIND YOU) had a sign outside advertising the following:
Sounds like a typical Sunday at the jch household. (insert all the jokes you want here)
Upon exiting Underground, we hopped on the shuttle but not before catching sight of randomly placed baseball statues:
Once we arrived at the stadium and walked up, I was immediately impressed by the size of the area in front of the stadium. It was huge, which allowed people to move around freely. My only complaint was the "Longest continuously existing franchise in major league history" crap. There's a reason the Reds open at home every year, bitches. :) Here's your out-of-place Brewers fan pic from the ticket line:
Upon entering and getting to our sets I realized that my hostess had gotten us seats in the RF stands, which was perfect considering the shirt I was wearing. We had a great view, seen here:
This was just before Francouer bowed to the crowd and did a little shimmy. I have no idea what this means or whether or not he does this on a regular basis. On a side note noone in our section seemed to notice my shirt, which dissapointed me greatly.
Taking pictures of the stadium from out seats, I noticed something strange. What the hell is that just to the left of the Delta sign? A 60' cow? You're damned right it is, more on this in just a bit:
Our seats were just in front of the Chophouse Grill, wherein I partook of the Tomahawk Ale (meh). This is the view from the Chophouse:
IMHO if you get there early, get a good seat, and keep ordering food/drinks, it's a hell of a place to watch the ballgame.
Now, to the experience at the game. I was stunned at what I encountered. All of the ballpark employees, ALL of them, were incredibly hospitable. Everyone was having a good time, it was great. Contrast this with GABP, where I'm as likely to help the usher to my seat as he/she is to mine. I enjoyed great "southern hospitality" while I was in Georgia but never more than when I was at the ballpark. It's amazing how far a little kindness goes when you're in a service position. I can't stress this enough, the employees I encountered at Turner Field cared about the people and the Braves and the experience of going to a baseball game, which is in stark contrast to what I've experienced at GABP. I'm honestly angry about this.
We need ambassadors as ushers, not old codgers and/or angry high school dropouts helping us to our seats. I caught shit from a female concessionaire for wearing a Reds hat until I explained where I was from and she answered, "Well I guess that's okay for today, baby". This same concessionaire gave the kids in front of us free Braves hats to wear later in the game because as she put it, "if you're gonna be here cheerin' for the Braves you need a hat!". We need and deserve these types of people here promoting the Reds.
Okay, I'm done ranting, back to the game.
Tommy Hanson is the Brave's version of Homer Bailey without all the drama. He's the future and everyone knows it. There was a palpable excitement throughout the fans, I heard several people say things like "I can't wait to see him!". And through the first three innings, he was ELECTRIC. He threw fastballs at 94-95 and killed them with the hammer curve at 84 mph or so. The crowd ate it up and he was feeding off the excitement. Unsurprisingly Chipper Jones is a fan favorite and when he tripled home Yunel Escobar in the first (a classic fuckup by Cameron that we've all seen and the start of a HUGE day for Chipper) the crowd went nuts. Hanson ran into trouble the second time through the lineup when the Brewers started sitting on the fastball (I think) and he lost his composure just a bit. He ended with a line of 6 IP and 6 ER but I can tell you this Braves fans - be patient, this kid is GOOD.
What I was also impressed with from the game was that Braves fans care. All the time. Every time they got two guys on, it was an event and everyone would start doing the annoying-as-hell-possibly-offensive tomahawk chop. Including the cow. I laughed my ass off at the cow doing the tomahawk chop and realized that the steamboat in CF isn't so bad after all. The retarded cow aside, Braves fans are passionate in a "I'm going to support my team at all costs" sort of way, not the Cuns fan "don't you realize how awesome we are" sort of way. It was refreshing.
Because my hostess is the one with the mostest we were invited into the 755 Club. The 755 Club is very nice, on par with our own 4192 Club. We grabbed some drinks and settled into our new seats for the ballgame, with this view:
Very nice seats and even better service. In the 755 Club is when I got the only comment of the day on my shirt, when a gentleman asked if he could buy it from me because he thought "even as a Braves fan man, that's fucking awesome". It didn't hurt that Frenchy went 0-4 in the game with a killer GIDP in the bottom of the 7th.
The fun part of this development was the guys we were sitting behind. They were true Braves fans to the core, both cheering on their team while doing the chop:
And giving shit to the Brewers fans who were in the next section over (he caught me):
Now for the fun parts.
My favorite line of the day came when Kelly Johnson tried to bunt himself on in the bottom of the sixth innning and the wonderful woman behind us (in RF not the 755 club) stated as follows:
"HUSTLE HUSTLE HUSTLE!!!! Aww, he's just just too short, he's just a little guy."
I had no idea what this meant but it made me laugh loud enough to make everyone around me very uncomfortable.
Next up, this fine gentleman sidled up next to us near the end of the game in the 755 Club:
The front of his shorts were wet and he explained this away by saying "my cup has a hole in it!". This was funny until I watched him pass said cup to our friend the bartender who attempted to pour him another drink. The bartender worked in vain only watch the liquid fall out as quickly as he could pour it in. This good man actually had a hole in his cup, lending credence to drunken excuses everywhere. Did I mention that when I met him, he had the flower in the picture down the front of his pants? Yeah, good times.
FINAL VERDICT - I loved Turner Field. It's a great ballpark to be sure but what put it over the top was the hospitality of the staff and the excitement of the fans. I've been poisoned to an extent as Reds fan, what with the staff at the ballpark and the general disinterest of the people attending the games in person. It was incredibly nice to see people having a great time at the ballpark and cheering on their team. (even if they have a worse record than the Reds) :)
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More details to follow but I have to sleep, sorry.
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 5:12 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
very cool
But what’s the deal with the cow? Why a cow?
I’ve heard of cowbells at the ballpark, but a cow?
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
by BubbaFan on Jun 10, 2009 8:15 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I'm pretty sure it's a Chik-Fil-A thing
by Brendanukkah on Jun 10, 2009 8:25 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
yeah, its our ChicFilA corporate idol. It does the chop whenever the music plays. The sign on the front says “Do the Chop, Eat tha Chikin.”
"Ohhhh Shit."-Bobby Cox, 3/28/09
by 10-4 on Jun 10, 2009 8:46 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Glad you enjoyed it our hospitality
All the ushers at Turner Field are really nice, and it does make it alot better. I took my grandparents (both in mid 80’s) to the game Friday night, and they went above and beyond to get them in and out of the stadium.
You saw the best game of the weekend-i went Friday AND Saturday and saw the Braves get shutout, twice.
"Ohhhh Shit."-Bobby Cox, 3/28/09
by 10-4 on Jun 10, 2009 8:45 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Excellent recap.
My only trip to the Ted involved getting to watch a fight between some redneck female Reds fan and a female Braves fan. The Reds fan was definitely the instigator and she got tossed. I spent the remainder of the game apologizing to Braves fans around me for reasons that I didn’t quite understand.
In the small world department, I just got this tweet from Big League Stew:
T-Shirt of the Day: “Failcouer 7” http://twurl.nl/ikazlk
Sure enough, it’s a link to your FanPost at Talking Chop. I know you didn’t create the shirt, but you are a pioneer in pushing it out to the world.
"It seems like we're not hitting because we're not getting hits." - Dusty being Dusty
by Slyde on Jun 10, 2009 9:41 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Thanks
I have tons more pictures and useless stories. I was really tired when I wrote this but I knew I had to because if I didn’t do it then I wouldn’t get it done for a week. :)
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 10:29 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
because of your busy schedule and all, right?
glad you had a good time and found some shenanighans at the ballpark. i hope you got Flower in the Shorts Guy’s contact info. He seems like the Braves version of Mads, no?
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 10, 2009 10:35 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Thanks obc...and after all the times I've defended you too...
obc…no he’s not a pedophile, NO he’s not into under age girls…obc a drunken whoremonger? Never…Who ever said that obc is addicted to porn will have to face Mads first…the list goes on..
but I’ll continue on …………..somehow 
Sweat plus sacrifice equals another useless out. Mads
by Madville on Jun 10, 2009 12:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well done
It’s so awesome to see someone else words in one of these visitor’s perspectives to my home park for a change. I’m glad that you’ve got a similar twisted sense of humor that I’d fancy, based on the whole Underground Atlanta Babymama dollar store sign.
It helps to see someone else’s point of view to see that Atlanta really does have some decent ushers and staff around the park, now that I think about it, I can’t really recall ever being disappointed or upset by any of them there.
In regards to the fans, I think you were there on an exceptional day – it was a promotional giveaway day (Brian McCann bat), as well as the debut of Jesus Hanson, and on top of that, most Sundays are “kids days,” whatever that means, so you were privy to a well attended (for Atlanta) Turner Field with a lot of fans who were willing to whoop it up. But hey, I’m glad they represented well in your presence, an impression goes a long way.
But I honestly laughed the most at the story about the old guy with the hole in his cup. I’ve encountered my own share of freaks and over-entitled corporate weirdoes in the 755 Club and Golden Moon Hotel and Casino Level™, but this one is a new one, and yeah, the legitimacy of the hole is a good bailout, but who’s to say he didn’t put that in there himself to advocate urinating all over himself??
Great stuff, again, I must say. Thanks for supporting my shirt, and I’m sad to hear that only one person acknowledged it. As I was leaving, I heard a couple people talking about it, they could’ve been referring to you or me.
No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.
by royhobbs on Jun 10, 2009 10:34 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
either you or JCH
could make a bff for life if you send a link of you in that shirt to Joe Posnanski
by Cy Schourek on Jun 10, 2009 10:46 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Good idea
Done and done. I love the Wizard of Poz.
No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.
by royhobbs on Jun 10, 2009 10:50 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
He's gonna think we're nerds, I sent him mine too. :)
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 10:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
More Stuff
So as I said, the game was only part of the experience. After arriving Saturday and lounging by the pool a bit (driving is hard work, I deserved it!), we had a quick bite and headed out the infamous Clermont Lounge. It was, in a word, fantastic.
Part dance floor, part very bad strip club (imagine your 45 year old drunk of an aunt stripping at Christmas and you get the idea), all fun. We danced, we laughed, I cried at seeing the strippers. By the end of the night I took a swig of Jameson’s from the bouncer’s flask. I couldn’t resist when he said, “Aw come on, when are you ever gonna be here again?”. And when we left (2:30 or so), none of the stop lights worked. My friend had to run three or four lights at 2:30 AM on a Saturday night, which I found hilarious in my drunken state. If you’re ever in the area, I highly recommend going because it’s a heck of an experience.
I also hiked/walked/whatever along the Chattahoochee river, very pretty.
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 11:14 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
was it hotter than a hootchie goochie?
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 10, 2009 11:24 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
you woulda had more fun
drunk and high, and wondering the red light district in amsterdam. For about $400 the Netherlands would begin to look like you in a few years.
Bloop
by justin007000 on Jun 10, 2009 2:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh snap
I almost forgot one of the funniest things I saw while in GA. After visiting my friend at Warner Robins AFB, I was on my way back to the interstate when I saw this:
The sign reads “STRIPPERS: NEED WE SAY MORE?”
It was housed in the same building as a gas station, like a Subway/Burger King/McDonald’s. Awesome.
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 1:59 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I think I passed that sign about 10 times on I-75 on the way down there.
Other than Florida maybe, Georgia is the king of erotic massage parlors and porn shops.
"We, as for me all seasons you are affected peculiarly in the edge of my seat and are happy concerning the fact that the Adam Dunn fan has been mixed up exactly." - Reynard-san
by BK on Jun 10, 2009 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
thanks for not making a $5 footlong joke there
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 10, 2009 2:16 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I would have to say
South Carolina is worse. Especially compounded with all the religious billboards immediately followed with sex store/stripper/erotic massage billboards, makes it especially sinful. I’ve seen the same stock stripper on about three different company’s billboards on the I-85 stretch through South Carolina.
No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.
by royhobbs on Jun 10, 2009 2:21 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Agreed South Carolina is worse
And they have far more lenient laws governing what the ladies can and can’t do. Basically, there’s no “can’t”
Will you stop it with the vegetables
by Man Mountain on Jun 11, 2009 10:27 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
that's not worse
that’s mo better!
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 11, 2009 10:39 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Another shirt for you to buy
"It seems like we're not hitting because we're not getting hits." - Dusty being Dusty
by Slyde on Jun 10, 2009 3:59 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
jch
your butt looks fat in those shorts. smoking at the ballpark, eh? nice.
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 10, 2009 4:20 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, they actually allow it!
On the concourse outside the 1B/RF line there’s a big rectangle defined by yellow paint, and you can smoke there. You think I stood in that box though? Hell naw, I took like three steps outside that box, daring security to mess with me. I’m so hardcore, I shit screamo bands. :)
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
you could be a third base coach
Bloop
by justin007000 on Jun 10, 2009 4:37 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
So,
My boy visited my former office at the Clermont, eh. Told you, didn’t I? The place just feels like a proper degenerate’s home base. Perfect bliss.
Wear something sexy to my funeral.
by Pops Daniels on Jun 10, 2009 5:34 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
We need to talk, you have no idea dude
It was AWESOME. Great suggestion on your part.
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 5:38 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
so what was the sayanora song?
surely it wasnt REO’s “Time for me to Fly”…
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 10, 2009 6:01 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
My favorite song of the night was "Get on down the road" from the 70s, I can't seem to find it
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 10, 2009 6:10 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hilarious Post...
Thanks for sharing! If it makes you feel better, only the people sitting right behind my noticed my shirt. All they did was laugh.
Glad you enjoyed yourself…
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 10, 2009 6:15 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I knew you were someone worth knowing
Glad you took care of our boy.
Wear something sexy to my funeral.
by Pops Daniels on Jun 10, 2009 10:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Haha...
I can’t wait til the Braves play the Reds again.
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 10, 2009 11:27 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hey...
I never said I had to wait a long time.
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 12, 2009 1:30 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Dunno if you saw over on Talking Chop or not
But I’m going down Tuesday night to see if he’ll sign the shirt. Oughtta be fun. :)
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 12, 2009 1:36 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I did see that...
And it’s freakin’ awesome. I expect a full recap…and pictures if he actually signs it.
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 12, 2009 1:53 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh, if he signs it I'll poop.
I haven’t decided what angle I’m gonna take yet.
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 12, 2009 2:47 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
towards him or away from him?
Bloop
by justin007000 on Jun 12, 2009 11:11 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
i think he'll sign it if you get in front of him
he probably wont even pay attention to what it says.
"We're going to Adonis, son"
jch24
by obc2 on Jun 12, 2009 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Just try to make it to the bathroom...
Are you going to be wearing the shirt and have him sign it or are you going to hand it to him?
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 12, 2009 3:53 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Haven't decided yet, I'll probably wear it but I might have a better shot if I handed it to him
"It seems as if every mistake I've ever made in life I've had an erection in one hand and a Bud Light in the other."
by jch24 on Jun 12, 2009 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
If all else fails, you could just throw it at him...
I’m sure he’d appreciate that.
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 12, 2009 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Plenty of pictures of jch gobbling burgers etc..no little lady pics - whats up with that?
Sweat plus sacrifice equals another useless out. Mads
by Madville on Jun 12, 2009 4:10 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
[cricket]
"If I had a little humility, I would be perfect" - Ted Turner
by Little Lady on Jun 12, 2009 3:54 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
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