My Day as Bob Castellini

So today on the Reds site I looked up the newest articles and saw Bob Castellini flexing his grumpy old man muscles. Not only does he think the Reds will be a contender this year, but he is pretty angry that people like myself doubt this team. (No offense Bob, but after this past decade can you blame me?) So I decided to be optimistic, to be Bob Castellini for a day when looking at the upcoming Reds season. We have a pretty impressive club. The days of small ball are not coming back, especially in a park where "everyone hits 40 HR a year". (One article was also quick to point out the fact that Gomes can have a rebound year with the pop in ihs bat and fact that he has averaged 19 HR a year which mathematically IS 40 HR in GABP).

But when you have a small market team, and cannot afford to sign big bull-testicle sluggers, you have to find different ways to manufacture runs. Our infield is going to be impressive this season if we havent been lied too about A-Gonz. With him and B-Phil up the middle, that`s really a stellar tandem, and two guys that give you more offensive production than is often asked from a SS or 2B. So I will call it an "above .500" middle infield, this of course being an inductive argument. Our corner infielders "potential" is going in one orpheus and out the other. I really think Votto is going to be the guy this year, he sprays the field something amazing, but he can still improve defensively. Edwin on the other hand, is GEESH...he will make an error for no reason followed by an amazing play, and he matches this inconsistency at the plate. But I follow one rule when it comes to Edwin, don`t judge him until he has one full year of playing under his belt without braces. These corner infield spots could be ridiculous, bringing a majority of the RBI and power. Three IF with 30+ HR potential is amazing.

Lets say our new catcher really is just a prick, and his numbers fell off because he decided to give up on the Orioles. Well, I can`t say that is the veteran you should probably want on your team, but since Im Castellini, he will be an all-star again, because egos are nothing new in this business...I myself have one. So everyone in my IF has all-star potential at the worst.

Taveras is a "classic" leadoff man. If we can get him doing more of what he did 2 years ago, slap-bunting and "scrapping" his way onto base, we can get him in SP with his speed. Not to mention the ground he can cover in OF, next to Bruce, who can be looked at to have a Votto like year, and 30+ HR potential as well. In LF we got Hairston, who if can stay healthy, is a badass (this isnt even as Castellini he kind of is a badass). He is intense, screams and cusses when he strikeouts, and brings a spark on the field and in the dug-out. Gomes will have 30+ HR potential because he has hit 19 HR on average every year, and hasnt had the chance to shine...well I am Bob Castellini, and I piss that opportunity like the God of talent. My millions are unconventional, and make people better than they have been in previous years.

The bullpen is amazing, there is a latino named COCO, he is pudgy and burned eyebrows off with his fastball. Arthur Rhodes and Stormy Weathers are old, which = good in the bullpen. This has definately not gotten weaker than last year and if anything, is better, we have lost nothing in the pen. Our rotation is forget about it, one of the best in baseball. Pitching wins championships, and at full potential we have 4 number 1s, followed by the biggest dogfight in the history of a number 5 spot...hahahaha suck my balls Eric Milton.

On the bench we got Kepp, the punchy utility man who is a fan favorite because he has a strange name and looks like he has no business on the field, but has .300+ BA potential, thats a hell of a bench player. Yonder and Stubbs can make this team, I should know because I am rich, and competition drives success. This team is a new era of Reds history...I`ll call it a new tide perhaps a "Red Flow" of success. Nobody besides the Cubs can compete in the division, and God has shown...he hates the Cubs. The fans will worship me, I will make more money, yes.

This sums up my day as Castellini, and I must say I am almost convinced we do have a damn good team, or at least the POTENTIAL to be a damn good team, but Dusty eats potential for breakfast and shits out Corey Patterson. So I think that if we did have a manager that did his job we would be good, but I look for Baker to screw this whole thing up. But as Big Bob C. I would say Dusty is a longtime players manager who will keep these guys motivated, and that his resume shows his knack for success and turning teams around.