The Wagon Vs. El Niño Destructor
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 15, 2009 9:25 PM EST
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PrintI have just returned home from my local colmado where I witnessed an interesting moment in the Reds' offseason: The people's wagon, Edinson Vólquez, on the mound against the one and only Niño Destructor, Juan Francisco, during a crucial game in the DR winter league round robin playoffs. The following is a dramatic interpretation of what may or may not have occured within the minds of V-dub and el Niño during thier encounter in the 4th inning of a 2-1 game with one out and Nelson Cruz on third:
(Note: beer was also consumed during this event)
The Wagon: Pues... looks like Nelson cruz just rocked a hanging breaking ball off the wall to knock in a run. Debo no throw the ball belt high in the middle of the plate to good hitters so much.
Niño Destructor: Soy el niño destructor. I eat kids for breakfast. Roar.
The Wagon: ¡Eat this! (throws a fastball low and away that Francisco swings at and manages to pop up off the third base line. The third basemen sprints toward the stands in shallow left field and the ball drops just out of his reach)
Niño Destructor: Soy el niño destructor. You can't throw your fastball by me. Roar.
The Wagon: ¿Que lo que Niño Destructor? ¿Te gusta another fastball? (throws a fastball, this time belt high but in on the hands. Francisco swings, fighting the pitch off and what seems at first to be a harmless liner foul over the dugout sails deep into the outfield landing in the bullpen less than 15 feet outside of the left field foul pole)
Niño Destructor: Soy el niño destructor. ¡Put one of those sobre el plato and we will see what happens! Roar.
The Wagon: Hmmm. Vamos a change it up a bit. If he wants a fastball lets give something different. (throws the classic changeup and Juan is way out and front. He gets a good swing on it but lines it foul well outside of the first base line).
Niño Destructor: Soy el niño destructor. No puedes fool me with a change up. I am all over that la proxima time. Roar.
The Wagon: This kid could stand to take a pitch or two. Tal vez if I just throw him garbage I can strike him out sin problema.
Niño Destructor: Soy el niño destructor. ! I like to swing! ! Jim Rice never brought me no pheasant took a walk! Roar.
The Wagon: Vamos a ver, entonces. (Throws a breaking ball at the dirt that is completely unhittable. Francisco swings anyway and misses but the ball skirts under the catcher's glove)
Niño Destructor: ¡Coño! Soy el niño destructor and now I have to try and run really rapido to first base. Maybe I shouldn't eat so many chimis en la calle. Roar. (The ball rebounds neatly off the backstop and the catcher scoops and fires to first getting Juan easily)
The Wagon: ¿You dare joder con the wagon of the people? ¿Haven't you seen Slyde's graphs of my stuff? .000 porciento de los batters hit that pitch last year. Ya tú sabes.
Niño Destructor: Soy el niño destructor. You haven't seen the last of me. ¡Nos vemos en Sarasota en Febrero! Roar.
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for some reason when I read that I had an Italian accent in my head…
"Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions!"- Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA.
This website doesn't let me rec this as entusiastically as I want to
Nice to know that the Wagon can still get the clutch outs.
Roar'd?
"Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions!"- Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA.
by justin007000 on Jan 15, 2009 9:56 PM EST up reply actions
Unfortunately,
the next batter grounded one up the middle knocking in Cruz.
You can catch the end of the game live now at http://www.lostorosdeleste.com/
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 15, 2009 10:03 PM EST up reply actions
Things I learned from watching this video:
1. Dominican commercials are awesome. The one right after the bottom of the second was an absolute classic, and apparently the official bank of the MLB is located somewhere in the Dominican Republic, who knew.
2. Dancing donkey mascots make me laugh…a lot. Probably because they remind me of something involving a donkey and a show…..I’ve never been, or anything….but I’ve heard things.
3. Volquez’s stuff is diiiirty (well….actually, I guess I already knew this).
4. Kevin Youkilis has a brother and apparently his name is Kit Pellow.
5. I miss baseball.
Oh snap,
they have last night’s game recorded and you can watch it at the same link. Now I need to check if my drunk’n recollection of the titanic encounter between V-dub and the child eater was indeed a little bit accurate.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 16, 2009 7:39 AM EST up reply actions
The at bat takes place at the 1:10 mark on the video
Yeah, so I missed the part where he blows a high fastball by him on the second pitch.
And the ball doesn’t kick of the backstop, but other than that it is as I remembered.
Especially the part about what they were thinking during the encounter.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 16, 2009 7:53 AM EST up reply actions
And now blurry pictures of EdE
from a couple of weeks ago. My family was in town visiting for Christmas and I took pictures with my dad’s camera. He just posted them online.
Blurry EdE holding a runner on:
Far Away EdE at bat (I think he popped out):
Bench Clearing Incident:
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 15, 2009 10:33 PM EST reply actions 3 recs
¡Coño!
So there was a whole other page with better pictures…
Closer up picture of EdE manning 1st (note first basemen’s glove):
EdE patrolling the 1st base area:
Medium Far Away EdE at bat:
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 15, 2009 10:41 PM EST up reply actions 2 recs
Should we be reading anything into EdE manning first?
Like, he’s willing to play other positions? Like, left field?
by Brendanukkah on Jan 16, 2009 10:08 AM EST up reply actions
Yep
and that way, Votto can play left field, BP can move to SS, Keppinger can move to 3rd until EL NINO DESTRUCTOR is ready, and Hairston can play second until Frazier or Chris “needs a nickname because his last name is a bitch to spell” Valaika is ready.
"You are not my ass." - Reynard
And EdE playing first, of course
(and that post was for the most part tongue-in-cheek, but looking at it, it’s not the worst plan in the world, right?)
"You are not my ass." - Reynard
Thank you
I really enjoyed this little taste of baseball in the midst of winter, when temps are in the single digits, and spring training seems about a million years away.
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
finally found a sig.
Soy el niño destructor. I eat kids for breakfast. Roar. - Juan Francisco 'spoken with an Italian accent'
by jacob brumfield on Jan 16, 2009 2:37 AM EST reply actions
EV knows who I am? EV knows who I am!!!
At least Francisco lived up to his patient reputations.
Oh, and this was the shit.
We’’re in process of trying to a guy with a trade record of working with pitches
Nicely done.
It’s tough for me to find that exactly right amount of alcohol where I can come up with something like this and not completely cono it up. Like, once every decade.
But Presidente? I’d rec this thing twice just for that if I could.
Often wrong, never uncertain.
Presidente fan, eh?
For me it is always the first-beer-really-fast high that is the best. In this case it was a President “Jumbo” (34 ounces) that a compañero and I cracked upon at the colmado, right before he had to go unexpectedly, leaving me with 30 ounces of beer, the chimi that I had just ordered from the vendor on the corner, and the big showdown on the TV screen.
So I guess it was the first-really-big-beer-really-fast that did it.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 16, 2009 10:33 AM EST up reply actions
Presedente
It’s been about 5 years, but I remember it as Corona-ish, but less bitter and more flavorful. I do remember that I enjoyed it. Of course, it was in Miami during spring break (I went down with the U of Detroit baseball team), and we (parents, coach’s wives, a friend from college who lives on Miami Beach) drank an amazing amount of alcohol that week, so my memory may be fuzzy on the issue.
My brother lives in Charleston, SC. The last time I was there, we drank quite a bit of Palmetto Pale Ale; I remembered it as awfully good. He brought some up with him this Christmas, and it wasn’t nearly as good as I remember; certainly not worth the extra effort over what’s available locally.
So
Often wrong, never uncertain.
i dont know what to say
i think you coined two or three different high quality memes in this one Fanpost™. amazing.
by Charlie Scrabbles on Jan 16, 2009 9:49 AM EST reply actions
At least 3
this is also the first FanPost™ to warrant a wiki update within 24 hours of posting.
"You are not my ass." - Reynard
Roar. El Presidente es mas bueno.
Quien es “Bud Light”?
My Spanish kinda sucks, but yeah folks, drink Presidente The drink of the Wagon.
...because there's already someone posing as Jacob Brumfield
With all of this energy generated here around the Dominican Republic
I wanted to take this opportunity to extend a formal invitation to an international event that we in Justicia Global.are organizing.
From March 19-22 we will be holding our 11th international summit, this time with the theme of “art and revolution.”
Here are some of the topics we plan to focus upon:
Art and the values of a culture of solidarity
Techniques and skills for revolutionary art
The role of artists in social movements
Art as a consciousness-raising tool
The plan is not to sit around in a room and talk about art and social change but to go out and do art and social change. It will be a weekend full of live music, visual art, poetry, and street theater. Yes, there will be panels and discussions but they will be integrated with and accompany art and revolution in practice.
So, if you are an artist or an activist or an organizer, this conference is for you.
If you are a lover of meaningful art, this conference is for you.
If you are curious about what conversations about art and change might look like from a Global South perspective, this conference is for you.
If your interest has been peaked about colmados, presidente, ¡coño!, and Dominican culture in general, this conference is for you.
If you are a stat geek sabremetrician, there has never been a better time to get out of mom’s basement.
For more info send an email to: organizeforjustice@gmail.com
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 16, 2009 4:34 PM EST reply actions
Strike out, dropped ball, runner thrown out at first
Various ninos destructed.
by Brendanukkah on Jan 17, 2009 11:01 AM EST up reply actions
¡No manches! ¿Eres Mexicano?
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 19, 2009 4:41 PM EST up reply actions
no way, man
I grew up in LA.
But not east LA. I’m a gringo from orange county.
pero me amo a mexico — especially guadalajara. Viva Chivas!
My favorite compliment of my life: A Puerto Rican friend said, “Dude, you talk like a Mexican.” :)
Chivas :: Chivas USA
is Araujo :: Jonny Bornstein.
And this is coming from someone who loves Jon Rey.
...because there's already someone posing as Jacob Brumfield
wish I could,
but I’m a San Jose Clash/Earthquakes/New Earthquakes guy.
I’ve always wondered, who gets the championship banners? The Quakes or the Houston whatever-they-ares?
Who are the real Cleveland Browns?
San Jose held on to the history
Just like the Cleveland Browns. The Houston Dynamo (and Baltimore Ravens) act as new franchises. The Colts kept their history and records when they moved from Baltimore to Indianapolis. So, what sucks for the Earthquakes and the Browns is that the championships won in the new cities count in the new team’s history, but not in any kind of continuity for the old city. So, the Browns have still never won a Super Bowl, and the Earthquakes have only won 2 MLS Cups, and not the 4 that would tie them with DC UNITED – MLS’S MOST DECORATED TEAM!!! The new team does get to put two stars above its logo, though, indicating the championships won by the previous Earthquakes.
Earthquakes should be pretty decent this year. Darren Huckerby and Ronnie O’Brien are studs, and Joe Cannon is still one of the top keepers.
by Brendanukkah on Jan 20, 2009 11:40 PM EST up reply actions
Wagon vs. El Niño 2.0
The Toros del este, aided by V-dub’s dominant performance last week won their final 5 games to draw even with Los Gigantes and the free swinging child eater.
Tonight is a one game playoff between the bulls and the giants to decide who will advance to the best of nine finals against Licey. The Toros are once again handing the ball to the wagon. Unfortunately I have a meeting and will not be able to watch it or give drunken commentary. Fortunately, it will be broadcast starting at 6:30 pm eastern time at www.lostorosdeleste.com . I would love to come home to read your intoxicated interpretations of the destuctors at bats against Volks.
Best of luck. Roar.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 19, 2009 4:39 PM EST reply actions
I'm getting an error message
This Account Has Been Suspended. Please contact the billing/support department as soon as possible.
Perhaps it’s not allowing US IPs?
All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?
Yeah, not sure what happened.
I got the same message here when I tried to check it out later that evening.
Turns out that the wagon did not pitch after all and his team subsequently lost. El niño had a couple of hits to contribute to a 12-7 drubbing. The destruction is now heading to the best of 9 finals, while Vólquez is heading to Puerto Rico for the classic.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Jan 20, 2009 10:51 PM EST up reply actions
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