RED REPORTER OWNS THE 2008 CINCINNATI REDS
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 12:05 AM EDT
in Features
128 comments
We may be entering a recession and the markets may be soft right now but you'll all be pleased and proud to know that Red Reporter is taking an unprecedented step to buy up our own little corner of the interweb.
Check it out. (Scroll down. No, wait. Not that far. Scroll back up a bit. You see it? Pretty cool, huh?)
For those of you who long ago stopped trusting me to send you off linking to anything worth seeing... just trust me on this one. It's pretty cool. (Cooler than poppin' and lockin' for papal pleasure. And cooler than a hockey rink blowing up under a monster truck race.)
For those of you who don't click on any hyperlinks until after your mom has checked them all out for razorblades and anthrax, I'll just spell it out for you..
Your favorite quiet little out-of-the-way Cincinnati Reds blog has gone big time. We're sponsoring BaseballReference.com's 2008 Cincinnati Reds page.
Pretty cool, huh?
No? Seriously?
We've sold out? We've cashed out our street cred? We've lost that certain charm that you can spend your whole life searching through semi-literate sports blogs to find? We're stupid and new?
Wait. What if I told you.. that umm... that you can win a contest! Yeah, there ya go. I knew you'd like that. Contests are fun and challenging and not without an element of seduction. Kinda like Wheel of Fortune.
Here's what you're gonna do: Come up with a tagline wittier than the one Slyde posted with the initial purchase. And don't worry, you're not gonna hurt Slyde's feelings. He wants the tagline to change. In fact, we're planning to change it monthly or weekly or something. I can't remember right now. I'll let you know soon. But rest assured, when it changes it will be because a Red Reporter came up with something good and it was rec'd a bunch of times and it passed JD's thorough approval process. (Psst.. Little known secret: JD hardly ever reads his own blog! For the past eight or ten months he's been pretty busy volunteering and campaigning pretty heavily for Ron Paul. I know.. weird, right?)
Anyway, get your ideas for the new BR.com tagline put up in this thread below and feel free to discuss this bold sponsorship idea from Bob in Marketing. And if you've got nothing to contribute along those lines, check out our new partner for a while and then come back and tell us what cool things you found on the most awesome website in all the internet. (Yes! 38 cents every time I type that.)
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"boobs on every poll"
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
by Slyde on Apr 8, 2008 10:26 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
It was never formally announced
but if you haven't noticed, FVA is the latest in a short line of RR admins. We're hoping that between FVA, boobs, and myself, there will always be somebody around to break whatever needs breaking. It will also hopefully help JD sleep a little better since he's been having troubles lately. It seems that since the U.S. changed the $5 bill last week, he can't get comfortable anymore on his bed made of all of the money his blogging enterprise bestows upon him. Sleep well, JD, on your pillow of Andrew Jacksons.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Point of Parliamentary Order
Are there contingencies in place for orderly transfer of power if Alan decides to off himself again?
I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants...
by Man Mountain on Apr 8, 2008 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions
He'll have to beat some people to the punch
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, Alan.
by Brendanukkah on Apr 8, 2008 11:08 AM EDT up reply actions
Ha ha. So you're the man cub, eh? Crazy.
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 11:25 AM EDT up reply actions
Of course
there is an extensive order of succession set up. I have a chart around here somewhere...hmmm...it was here a minute ago. Ah, no bother, if he offs himself, we'll just pick somebody from the audience to play his part. Frankly, a monkey could do his job.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
That's racist.
"My wife ain't never ran and got me no pheasant." - Fistbands
by BK on Apr 8, 2008 11:15 AM EDT up reply actions
My conribution
"We were here in the beginning, we'll be here at the end."
Please Note: I may be totally full of shit.
by jch24 on Apr 8, 2008 12:26 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Oh, and I almost forgot...
If you like the Cincinnati Reds and if you like Red Reporter and if you like Baseball Reference and if you like the fact that Red Reporter is sponsoring Baseball Reference's Cincinnati Reds page, then you might think about sending Slyde an email and he'll let you know how you can hook a brother up with a few ducats to help pay for like the cups and the ice and stuff.
i thought we were rolling out a pyramid scheme
Marty may have a shirt on, but Billy Beane just ripped his off and is squeezing his nipples. - Brendan's ukkah
You make it sound so dirty
when really it's an opportunity for everyone. You see, all that happens is that I make the purchase and then receive money from you and FVA to help cover my costs. Then you receive payments from 2 other people each to cover your expenses, with 50 cents of every dollar you receive coming up to me to again cover my expenses. Then, your friends pay you 50 cents of every dollar they receive from their friends and so on down the line. See, everybody benefits.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Boobs, I still don't fully understand it.
But Slyde is just so good with numbers and I was talking to his Aunt Rosie after the motivational speaker he took us to see last week and she said Slyde's got a job "in computers". So he must know how to make money off of all this stuff.
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 9:08 AM EDT up reply actions
Listen to the man
I can tell he knows a good opportunity when he sees it.
And don't think that you can only invite two friends. The more friends you invite, the more money you make in pure profit. Since I had the initial, upfront cost, I'm just looking to recoup the expenses. You guys are in what I like to call the "Profit Position". All it takes is for you to say "YES".
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
hey look c trent is holding the funnel
"The only people who like Jimmy Buffett are frat boys and alcoholic girls in the south" ~ Eric Cartman
by chandrathan on Apr 8, 2008 12:55 AM EDT up reply actions
Thinking the same.
I was thinking it looked a lot like C Trent as well.
-Do not play golf behind Dave Parker.
Red Reporter: Guarenteed to make you cumb faster than any site on the 'net
"The only people who like Jimmy Buffett are frat boys and alcoholic girls in the south" ~ Eric Cartman
by chandrathan on Apr 8, 2008 12:54 AM EDT reply actions
That will get us some hits
The season doesn't start until the Cincinnati Reds take the field! Reclaim The Opener!!
I like this, but I'm pretty sure it won't get past the censors at BBRef
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Howabout..
Red Reporter: "Cumb on over!"
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 10:14 AM EDT up reply actions
Or..
Red Reporter: Common!
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 11:26 AM EDT up reply actions
That would be awesome if we could post a picture of TV's Will Arnett with it.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
I was thinking
"A Cincinnati Reds blog that won't kidnap and kill you." See, that's makes the competition look like maybe..
by Red Menace on Apr 8, 2008 2:12 PM EDT up reply actions 6 recs
I like that one
I feel like a fat kid at Baskin Robbins. 31 flavors is too much choice.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Come here and sit on my lap.
I'll tell you if you feel like a fat kid.
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 2:35 PM EDT up reply actions
I like this idea, but I might go with something like:
"Blogging the bases"
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 8, 2008 8:49 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
maybe because its 3 in the morning and i just finished a paper
but this is the best i can do
RR: VORB (Value Over Replacement Blogger)= 100 runs/posts
or
RR: where alcoholism and stats collide
by johnny cueto thinks we're sellouts on Apr 8, 2008 3:09 AM EDT reply actions
my proposal:
"RedReporter": the greatest Justin Timberlake fansite on the web."
Abraham Lincoln said that if you're a racist, I will invade you with the north.
by Charlie Scrabbles on Apr 8, 2008 8:00 AM EDT reply actions 3 recs
I've got a couple as of now:
1) Bringing you the pheasant since 2005.
2) Participatory Sports Journalism. Drunken Debauchery. Veteran Presence.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 8, 2008 8:12 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
You can't put two in the same one, that's confusing
I'm only rec'ing the first one, but I'm docking you for intentional shenanigans.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Lo siento.
1) Bringing you the pheasant since 2005.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 8, 2008 8:37 AM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Mucho.
2) Participatory Sports Journalism. Drunken Debauchery. Veteran Presence.
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 8, 2008 8:38 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
How am I the only person who's rec'd this?
Fantastic.
"Karma - there it was. The meaning of life, straight from Carson Daly's lips to my morphine-laced ears." -Earl Hickey
Slyde - why not check out the latest Coutlangus thread
I'm sure there's a slogan or two in there that are worthy of consideration.
Red Reporter - Now a kid-safe, Coutlangus-free zone!
The season doesn't start until the Cincinnati Reds take the field! Reclaim The Opener!!
I was thinking more like
RR - now with 50% fewer Coutlangus jokes.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
by Slyde on Apr 8, 2008 9:03 AM EDT up reply actions 4 recs
"Red Reporter"
"Because it was cheaper to just drop 'Sox' from our name than sponsor the Boston page."
by Brendanukkah on Apr 8, 2008 9:09 AM EDT reply actions 5 recs
I wish there was a sports book
where I could've put money on you to own this thing.
I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants...
by Man Mountain on Apr 8, 2008 10:41 AM EDT up reply actions
Red Reporter: Where everyone plays the game the right way.
by Gray on Apr 8, 2008 11:07 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Along those same lines
Red Reporter: So much veteran presence, you'll cumb!
"My wife ain't never ran and got me no pheasant." - Fistbands
by BK on Apr 8, 2008 11:12 AM EDT up reply actions
I missed the boat on this one
What's with the cumb?
by Brendanukkah on Apr 8, 2008 11:28 AM EDT up reply actions
It kinda started here
http://www.redreporter.com/2008/4/4/389833/game-4-thread-reds-vs-phil#4377200
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Red Reporter
Smashing Capitalism with an Iron Fistband
I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants...
by Man Mountain on Apr 8, 2008 11:25 AM EDT reply actions 3 recs
Looking at the player's pages
This poor guy sponsored the Edison Volquez page. Here's his tagline:
"Less than 72 hours after purchasing this page, the Rangers dealt Volquez to the Reds for Josh Hamilton. What a lucky guy I am."
Yes, that would be me
So, anybody here interested in buying his page?
I flipped a coin to decide whether I would buy Volquez's or Joaquin Benoit's page. Volquez was heads. True story.
Well, I think you still own the page of a fine player
Very savvy move in picking him up. Just kind of a shame that he's not on your favorite team anymore, but you can gain solace from the knowledge that he will be a productive major league player - maybe even a star! Or you can take solace in the fact that Josh Hamilton is also an amazing stud.
In three years, Joaquin Benoit will be helping me move.
Red Reporter
"We mean well"
The season doesn't start until the Cincinnati Reds take the field! Reclaim The Opener!!
Red Reporter
"Putting the saber back in metrosexual"
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 8, 2008 12:57 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Red Reporter
"We're the club house cancer the mascot warned you about."
If you're not having fun, stop participating.
by redandblue on Apr 8, 2008 1:03 PM EDT reply actions 5 recs
have you been... smoking?
Marty may have a shirt on, but Billy Beane just ripped his off and is squeezing his nipples. - Brendan's ukkah
Yes!
Pushing alcohol and cigarettes on teenagers since 2005!
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
by Slyde on Apr 8, 2008 4:19 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
That's racist!
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
by Slyde on Apr 8, 2008 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Ha! Good one.
Rec'd.
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 3:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Are we going on RECs
I've REC'd a couple. Add them up and go by that number..
-Do not play golf behind Dave Parker.
Red Reporter
"Because I never really loved you."
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 2:39 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Red Reporter
"Where Abraham Lincoln would blog. If they had wireless internet connections in HELL!"
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 2:43 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
Nope, it's all 9600 baud on Prodigy, c. 1995
You want hell? I'll give you HELL!
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Red Reporter
Because thinking about baseball keeps you from thinking about your divorce
Are there any more dinner rolls? -President Ted Kennedy
by The Crushinator on Apr 8, 2008 3:30 PM EDT reply actions 7 recs
This one is so...I don't even have the words for it.
rec'd.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Don't worry
I rec'd it if only because it made perfect sense to me.
Please Note: I may be totally full of shit.
Red Reporter
Double switching Norris Hopper for Adam Dunn since 2008
Are there any more dinner rolls? -President Ted Kennedy
by The Crushinator on Apr 8, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Even Red Reporter does the Castro
Marty may have a shirt on, but Billy Beane just ripped his off and is squeezing his nipples. - Brendan's ukkah
by boobs on Apr 8, 2008 3:41 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Red Reporter
Baseball insight from mom's basement.
(for you, Slyde)
"Screw it. We've got bigger problems than a butter shortage."
by Ash on Apr 8, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
Aw c'mon
You've seen me at the ballpark. You're supposed to be vouching the fact that I have left my parent's non-existent basement.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Fine...
Red Reporter
Grab a Captain & Diet and join the party!
Better? :)
"Screw it. We've got bigger problems than a butter shortage."
by Ash on Apr 8, 2008 4:04 PM EDT up reply actions
i finally read that whole paper
the other day. i saved it on my notebook and couldn't connect wifi on a train so i read it.
wow,
foul not fowl.
Though, if it had been a thanksgiving party...
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 8, 2008 4:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Popping in
Just had to take a moment out of campaigning to say this might already be my favorite thread ever.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. --Oscar Wilde
by JD Arney on Apr 8, 2008 4:16 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
That reminds me
If we rec this post up, with it pop over to the Recommended Fanposts section? It'd be nice if we could keep a link to this on the top of the front page for a couple of days. We need at least 5 recs to find out, so please rec this, no matter who you is.
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
"JD's Cincinnati Reds Baseball Reference Page"
"Honest baby, I'll never leave you."
by Brendanukkah on Apr 8, 2008 4:19 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Red Reporter
somewhere between the just the tip game and a hot carl.
by buckeye22fox on Apr 8, 2008 4:18 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Unlike the better posters, I don't spend that much time at BR
But I was looking at it, now that it's ours. Johnny Cueto's 330 ERA+ makes me all kinds of tingly.
Red Reporter
"When yelling at your radio just isn't enough anymore."
The season doesn't start until the Cincinnati Reds take the field! Reclaim The Opener!!
by TheC on Apr 8, 2008 5:09 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
In case anyone here is as dense as I am
I just wanted to point out the crafty bit of photoshopping FVA did on the photo accompanying this FanPost TM.
After visiting this thread for the 20th time today, I finally noticed it.
The season doesn't start until the Cincinnati Reds take the field! Reclaim The Opener!!
All kudos and credit should go to Slyde whom(?) I outsourced that Photoshop project to.
I'm not quite nerdy enough to pull off that kinda stuff. Yet.
Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
by Fat Vegas Alan on Apr 8, 2008 5:53 PM EDT up reply actions
oooh, it's good to see all of the green up above
This is going swimmingly!
WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS!
Red Reporter
"Where we, like Miami, pray for Castro's swift departure"
I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants...
Red Reporter:
I am here for two months before i head back up north. I have this morning before practice…..looking for a woman to enjoy the morning with. Can be married or single, disease free is important. I am 5' 9" 180 short hair and blue eyes, in shape, of course.
I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants...
by Man Mountain on Apr 8, 2008 7:55 PM EDT reply actions 9 recs
rec the fuck out of this
loves it
Marty may have a shirt on, but Billy Beane just ripped his off and is squeezing his nipples. - Brendan's ukkah
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes
"Karma - there it was. The meaning of life, straight from Carson Daly's lips to my morphine-laced ears." -Earl Hickey
Red Reporter
Bako/Patterson '08
Tanzen!
by Verka Serduchka on Apr 9, 2008 12:08 AM EDT reply actions
Red Reporter:
Ten times more veteran presence than non-Communist journalists.
by Gray on Apr 9, 2008 11:20 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Red Reporter:
Giving you a way to voice your opinion before it is systematically dismissed.
I'm thirsty.
Red Reporter:
The Official Cincinnati Reds Blog of the 2008 Summer Olympic Games.
(You guys may think this one is lame now, but wait until August. It will be all the rage.)
The season doesn't start until the Cincinnati Reds take the field! Reclaim The Opener!!
by TheC on Apr 9, 2008 6:25 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
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