You Only Live Twice

by Man Mountain on Feb 25, 2008 7:23 PM EST

So it seems that Barry Bonds and his agent Jeff Borris are actually fairly bullish about taking their snake oil show over to Nippon to work the Bob Harris circuit.

http://www.metronews.ca/column.aspx?id=108074

Which gotst me to thinking. Under what scenario does it make sense for the Reds to take a serious look at Bonds? What kind of contract and perqs would you be willing to offer? What would the resulting roster look like?

To my mind, there are FAR FAR too many negatives--both in terms of pure baseball stuff and PR madness--to consider taking a run at Bonds. In fact, he probably makes less sense in Cincinnati than almost anywhere in MLB.

But...what's the harm in a little creative thinking?

Unless you're Dusty Baker, that is.

(BTW it looks like the Rays might be considering bringing the Devil back to the Bay Area: )

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Use him as a lightning rod

Shield Dunn and the kids from Dusty, Marty, Doc and the 700 club.

by Red Menace on Feb 25, 2008 7:27 PM EST 0 recs

Or literally as as lightning rod.

Protect the infield grass from scorching.

Everybody's a jerk. You. Me. This jerk.

by andromache on Feb 25, 2008 7:28 PM EST up 0 recs

I third the lightening rod idea...

Reds: WS Champs 2008... and every year after...

by crolfer on Feb 25, 2008 7:31 PM EST up 0 recs

I 4th it, if that's all right with everyone else

I'm not saying I wouldn't go fishing with the man; all I'm saying is, if he comes near me, I'll put him in the wall.

by Man Mountain on Feb 25, 2008 7:35 PM EST up 0 recs

Shocking

Don't talk back to Darth Vader or he'll getcha!

by Slyde on Feb 25, 2008 7:43 PM EST up 0 recs

Let's have him pitch the 8th.

Montana. It's everything Colorado thinks it is.

by jacob brumfield on Feb 25, 2008 9:19 PM EST 0 recs

He could be Dusty's batboy wrangler.

Take a look around this dump. You're just a tourist with a typewriter. I live here.

by Fat Vegas Alan on Feb 25, 2008 9:38 PM EST 0 recs

i was at that game!

i couldn't really see this from my $350 bleacher seats in centerfield, though.

2008 NL Central Champs!

by Daedalus on Feb 26, 2008 9:40 PM EST up 0 recs

Lip my stockings, Barry

1 yr, 10 mm. Move Griffey back to center and Dunn to right. The singles will fall in front of them but this could be a 120 HR outfield.

by ken on Feb 25, 2008 9:43 PM EST 0 recs

But, but, but....

Where does Hopper play? He's so....scrappy.

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day" - Harry S. Truman

by Lonesome George on Feb 25, 2008 9:47 PM EST up 0 recs

the doubles will fall in front

but there would be some serious long balls.

But... there is no scenario where Bonds should be brought to Cincy

Hope Springs Eternal! Go Reds

by Caleb on Feb 25, 2008 9:49 PM EST up 0 recs

Bonds as a Red

Is about as appealing as the lead singer of Sausalito.

by Brendanukkah on Feb 25, 2008 10:33 PM EST 0 recs

Batting Coach

I would bring him in especially to work with Dunn on dealing with the media. Also getting the most out of his workouts. What kind of vitamins does Dunn take? I bet Barry could give him some good advice on a daily basis. Also, how to hit home runs.

This situation reminds me of a scene in the movie "New Jack City"... (-Deion Sanders)

by satyanaas on Feb 26, 2008 5:51 PM EST 0 recs

I think Tampa is the only place that he'd fit...

Purely from a baseball standpoint... They need someone to protect Crawford and could use some power... And no way Bonds should play anywhere but DH...

Personally, I think the best place Bonds has a shot at playing for is somewhere in a Penitentiary League...

Reds: WS Champs 2008... and every year after...

by crolfer on Feb 27, 2008 9:57 PM EST 0 recs