Semicolon-Free Eyewitness Report.... The other night.

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 12:49 AM EDT

Once again, a great outing with the fellow RRs. And once again, I got slobbering drunk. For this reason, I remember only portions of what truly happened and make no representation that the following account is historically accurate....

*The ride into Cinci revealed a city completely choked and fairly reeking of Cubs fans. "Un-holy Pilgrims in a holy land."

*Nothing better than arriving to a couple beers ordered especial for you, hat tip obc.

*Correction. The one thing better than that is not paying for them, hat tip obc.

*Immediately, things had a very real potential for disaster, as Ash arrived sans Lookout cap.

*Long hike across the bridge assures I get my mile walk in this year. Man I feel healthy!

*Good looking chicks everywhere!....wearing Cubs apparel. Damn. Heathen Goddesses. We were strong in the face of such temptation, all of us. Ash too.

*Lack of Red Menace lamented by all.

*Season almost over means almost out of decent beer. The last two bottles of Dortmunder from the Machine Room don't go very far. Why does God hate me?

*Season almost over means almost out of brown mustard. Brown mustard has almost blown it's keg and is giving a drop at a completely random pace. Solution? Open all taps and try to catch erratic drops from all spigots while inebriated, then get yelled at by RR buddies for wasting mustard by not getting to each drop in time. Why does God hate me?

*Never arrive late to the game from the Machine Room to join a group of RR's. They will most certainly NOT be sitting in their assigned seats, causing seat hysteria for the whole section in later innings.

*Slyde seems to have bridled his predisposition to "row ho", but has still not issued an apology for his previous behavior. Despicable.

*Ash practically refused to say Fuck in a preemptive effort to ruin all Eyewitness Reports on the evening. We could barely understand her. What the Fuck's up with that?

*We sat with a couple who may or may not have bought extra tickets from me.

*I fear I will never be forgiven alleged ticket sales to Cubs fans, but hey, Daddy needed a new pair of beers.

*Bar Louie pre-game was a good call, hat tip whoever, chandrathan I think. I wouldn't mind it be a routine meet-up location.

*Bar Louie post-game was a good call, hat tip chandrathan (why not?). Traditional discussion ensued. Who to trade for who, whether or not JD hates us, etc.. The usual. :)

*jch24 and chandrathan are the only ones with interesting employment related stories this time around. Sorry guys. Until celebrity is involved, banking, computering, health care providering, and underground utilitying seem dull, don't they?

*Further adding to our feelings of lameness, jch24 has met many local celebs including boobs. WTF?

We're planning on a WS meet-up again this year. It'd be great to see Caleb join the rowdies again and meet Zach, as well as anyone else local who would like to join in. It's good times aaaaand, you'll be able to see Red Menace go 90 for 90 of correctly answered questions as he defends his RR Title.

Now that I'm good and freaked out about how poorly I construct everything I write on this site, I say a quick prayer for mercy from the syntax gods and wince as I hit submit...

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Comments

What about

The tattoo/potty humor talk at Bar Louie was entertaining as hell, at least for me.
Ash/me being so annoying that the older gentleman next to me asked to move seats? I found that hysterical for some reason.
You forgot to mention the four Cubs fans in front of us that got heckled, as well as the dude I went down to see if I could get to dance. I owe you all five dollars.
There was "smoking in the boys room", redux
I still want an explanation on the 9th inning beers.

Lastly, I had a great time, I'm definitely in for a playoff/WS get-together, and I'm pretty sure I owe someone some money, since I had way too much left in my wallet considering how much I drank.

See what I did there? I threw in a run-on sentence to distract the grammar snobs from what you posted. Am I great or what?

"Before the (Red) Sox were the Sox, they were the Boston Braves and they were scouting my Dad in 1952." -- Dane Cook

by jch24 on Oct 2, 2007 9:48 AM EDT reply actions

See?

This is why is suks being the first ER. Besides, I drank.. alot. I don't remember the whole irritable old fan thing. The guy next to me was old, but seemed like he was afraid of us. He had a nervous laugh about him whenever I talked to him.

*Smoking was hilarious. Me and obc borderline yanked you into that stall against your will.

*9th inning beer. There is a secret. You have to size up your mark as you approach, like an old western shoot em up. Look left, this guy has his arms crossed and is staring at you.... not him. Look right, she's on the phone and doesn't want to be bothered in the 1st inning let a lone the 9th. Center register, employee is fidgety. Adjusting visor, name tag and register screen. She looks up to make eye contact and immediately looks down and starts playing with a straw wrapper. That's the one. "I'll have six beers please!" Don't mention this is four more than you can get anyway.

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:18 AM EDT up reply actions

Averge beer per RR comsumption: 7

blowing away all expectations. Suffice to say that some went to Bar Louie after the game in an attempt to sober up.

*In regards to the "row ho"ing, I believe that I was the only person that did not row ho in the entire group (though obc may have held his ground). The best row ho of the night was when the people in front of Ash and 'than asked if they would like to change seats, supposedly in hopes that they wouldn't have to hear Ash's foul mouth all game.

*The most amazing move of the night was when obc and sukr returned from the concession stands in the 9th inning with at least 5 beers in tow. We're still perplexed at how they managed this maneuver since beer stops selling in the 7th inning and the concessionaires are supposed to limit patrons to 2 beers per person.

*sukr and obc were giving lots of relationship advice to the happily married couple sitting next to them. I guess those people didn't realize that when they bought the tix from sukr that it came with a free counseling session as well.

*jch24 lost 5 bucks (to no one in particular) for his inability to get a chubby, drunk Cubs fan to "do the Beat It dance".

*sukr almost lost his prized, raggedy Reds hat when a smartass Cubs fan (referred to as "Cubs fan number 2" all evening by obc) considered hurling said hat over the over the railing to the seats below. Luckily for him, he chose wisely and didn't do it, lest he would have been sent over the railing to retrieve it.

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 2, 2007 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

Wow

Great minds, all that jazz.

"Before the (Red) Sox were the Sox, they were the Boston Braves and they were scouting my Dad in 1952." -- Dane Cook

by jch24 on Oct 2, 2007 9:50 AM EDT up reply actions

Row Ho

me and obc HAD to because we weren't sitting in the right seats because of you guys! You set us up!

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:21 AM EDT up reply actions

sorry,

i keep getting caught up here:

"jch24 lost 5 bucks (to no one in particular) for his inability to get a chubby"

i cant get past that.

Marty may have a shirt on, but Billy Beane just ripped his off and is squeezing his nipples. - Brendan's ukkah

by boobs on Oct 2, 2007 1:50 PM EDT up reply actions

Sounds like a good time

Question: Do you guys call each other by RR names? Not that will matter for me if you guys ever meet me.

Killer Tucans all the way!!!

by Zach K on Oct 2, 2007 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

You mean our "code names"?

Yes. And we make a walkie talkie noise before we say anything. "chkerchk. Slyde this is sukr, over." "chkerchk. Your signal is five by five, go ahead."

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:06 AM EDT up reply actions

Next season

I plan on attending at least one of these little get-togethers. At which time I would prefer to be called "Thundercock." Thankyou.

Where have you gone Alex Trevino?

by Pops Daniels on Oct 2, 2007 10:11 AM EDT up reply actions

Strangely enough

That's jch24's real name.

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 2, 2007 10:14 AM EDT up reply actions

BOOM BOOM

CLAP?

"Before the (Red) Sox were the Sox, they were the Boston Braves and they were scouting my Dad in 1952." -- Dane Cook

by jch24 on Oct 2, 2007 10:26 AM EDT up reply actions

BOOM BOOM

THE CLAP?

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:27 AM EDT up reply actions

You should

come to the WS meet up. B'Dubs gatherings are usually a bit tamer. Mrs. Slyde, Slyde Jr., Mrs. chandrathan and Than Jr. may come?

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:32 AM EDT up reply actions

doubtful on my side

Now that I look at the schedule, I may not make it to B-dubs as I will be in Canada, eh, during the first 4 games and my wife will be out of town for the other 3. How un-American of me!

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 2, 2007 10:44 AM EDT up reply actions

You're a communist.

"Before the (Red) Sox were the Sox, they were the Boston Braves and they were scouting my Dad in 1952." -- Dane Cook

by jch24 on Oct 2, 2007 10:53 AM EDT up reply actions

It'll just be me...

Chan won't take the baby to a place with that much smoke...

But I am looking forward to it very much, especially if the Yankees aren't involved.

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 12:44 PM EDT up reply actions

Um

There's no smoke in Ohio bars. We're trying to oppress the sukrs, obcs, and jch24s of the world.

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 2, 2007 12:47 PM EDT up reply actions

Um

I'll have to see if I'm "allowed." My last hall pass was the first Bengals game on Monday night and I morphed into Otis from Mayberry. Mrs. Pops was not pleased. And I quit smoking almost 2 years ago and still enjoy a smoke filled environment. But the wife and boy will not attend such a place, alas.

Where have you gone Alex Trevino?

by Pops Daniels on Oct 2, 2007 3:07 PM EDT up reply actions

When I met ken

I called him Man Mountain. It was a little awkward...

by Brendanukkah on Oct 2, 2007 10:31 AM EDT up reply actions

And disappointing ...

when I couldn't keep up with your Top Gun references. Plus, I felt pressured all game to make salient points about American literature and SEC football.

by ken on Oct 3, 2007 6:30 AM EDT up reply actions

I was laughing at your question...

Then I realized that we do call Ash Ash. And sometimes I get called 'than.

And we will probably call you Zach...

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 12:46 PM EDT up reply actions

By the way

I'd love to get an objective (read: sober) account of our jackassery, just to make sure I didn't offend anyone with my antics, and to mention things I probably forgot. :)

"Before the (Red) Sox were the Sox, they were the Boston Braves and they were scouting my Dad in 1952." -- Dane Cook

by jch24 on Oct 2, 2007 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

Drinkers remorse

Are you saying you're uncomfortable with having told us about your thing for Red Green ? It's ok man, we all like him, just not like that, but it's cool...:))

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 11:16 AM EDT up reply actions

Always good to wait a few days....

before submitting an ER. I could barely remember the evening this morning, but now it's like i was there!

by obc on Oct 2, 2007 2:38 PM EDT reply actions

additional comments

*I was just contacted by the couple next to me and offered an officially invited to their charity golf outing in a couple weeks. Did I mention the wife mentioned sukr and I would be playing with her "hot single friends"? Philanthropy is goooood!

*and why did Slyde keep saying her hubby looked like my "brother"? Did anyone else see the resemblance?

*Fri marked the 2nd time i've smoked in the boys room with both jch24 and at least the 4th with sukr....but the FIRST time i smoked in the boys room with sukr AND jch24. Historic evening.

*ash was really quiet. i didnt hear her curse the entire evening. in fact, im not sure i heard a peep out of her the whole evening. surreal.

*who answered the in-game Scoreboard Stumper?

*Mr Redlegs got sidetracked by the damn Skyline Chili, but everyone else in the group lost when ravorite Rosie Red was edged at the finish line.

*But we rebounded strongly to pick which three way the ping pong ball was under.

*The 9th inning beer tactic is an ancient chinese secret. There were six purchased, and sukr awkwardly carried/spilled four of them. Sadly I didnt get a look on anyone's faces when we returned with them. Bummer.

*How, exactly, did Cub Fan Number Two get the hat again?

*The game was lousy, el stinko. I still say Hopper is a useful player. But Buck Coats and Ellison will never be seen again in a Reds jersey, mark my words.

by obc on Oct 2, 2007 2:49 PM EDT reply actions

hmm

I was the one that argued that you didn't look like charity hubby. It was Ash and 'than who were so adamant about it.

Ash was quiet? I didn't notice.

No one answered the scoreboard stumper because we forgot every player whose name starts with "L" in the history of the game except for Derrek Lee and Jason Larue.

Cub fan number 2 got the sukr hat because you put it on the head of the guy in front of you (NOTE: to that point obc had not even made eye contact with the guy). He then passed it on to Cub fan number 2 for reasons unknown to us.

It's amazing you even know Reds players names since you've become Red Sox Super Fan #99.

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 2, 2007 3:04 PM EDT up reply actions

Thank you Slyde

Through the fog of drunk I hadn't remembered obc did indeed grab it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I would have allowed a Cubs fan to just grab it without a scuffle. That dude knew he was in party foul territory, but he should have never been allowed gain control of the hat.

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 3:22 PM EDT up reply actions

Ash was not really quiet...

You just were too busy playing with your Cubs friends to talk to her :-)

The dude you kinda looked like was about your height, had short hair, wore a hat, and had glasses that were kinda like yours. I think that was the extent of the resemblance, but Ash was already drunk.

Thanks to JCH for the tickets. He has really came through with some great seats this season!

Also, obc didn't tell the story of celebrating with every Cubs fan he saw as we left the park. He talked one Cubs fan out of her Marty and Thom bobble head. Also, he found a bewildered looking woman in blue, and gave her a hug. She asked him for money...

I don't remember any of the mini games. I don't remember the race or the skyline deal. I had also forgotten about the scoreboard stumper. You can tell Stella is good stuff because Slyde had a couple of them, and then even he couldn't think of players whose name began with an L.

Sukr spilled part of my beer on me as he handed it to me, but I didn't mind at all. It did make me a little afraid of getting pulled though, because I smelled even more like beer than I should have.

Also, I have a question for my fellow Red Reporters. After the game, Ash introduced me to Newcastle draught. I thought it was awesome, but I'm a little afraid that it's a girly beer. Can I get some input from you guys?

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 4:18 PM EDT up reply actions

Ernie Lombardi!!!

I did holler Ernie Lombardi in Slyde's general direction, but it may have come out as Air-nayyyyy Lumbergermannarati.

Newcastle is a man beer, one rung below Bass on the masculinity scale.

by obc on Oct 2, 2007 6:03 PM EDT up reply actions

charm

Who the hell wound up with the bobblehead?

by obc on Oct 2, 2007 6:03 PM EDT up reply actions

Ash got the bobblehead...

And she hid it in her car so we wouldn't mess with/steal it at the bar...

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 6:29 PM EDT up reply actions

I had to FIGHT to keep

a hold on that thing, I earned it! ...and seriously, Newcastle - a girly beer? Have more faith in me than that!!

"Screw it. We've got bigger problems than a butter shortage."

by Ash on Oct 2, 2007 9:15 PM EDT up reply actions

I apologize for doubting you...

But it was just so sweet and caramelie that I had to question it...

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 10:01 PM EDT up reply actions

It's a poor man's

McEwans Scotch Ale. I love it.

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:28 PM EDT up reply actions

Yes It's Delicious...

You guys are such a great influence on me...

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 10:41 PM EDT up reply actions

Whether I was drunk or not,

there was a resemblance. ...I was quiet? I was as quiet as you were sober - I was losing by voice by the time we made it to Bar Louie!

"Screw it. We've got bigger problems than a butter shortage."

by Ash on Oct 2, 2007 9:16 PM EDT up reply actions

man im getting slammed.....

ouch im sorry for asking about the semicolon

by The Crushinator on Oct 2, 2007 4:04 PM EDT reply actions

Calm down

you're not getting slammed, it's just the flavor of the week. It's the Pittsburgh Santa to our snowball

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions

There's a Pittsburgh Santa?

I might have said Pittsburgh steelworkers to our union-busting private police force.

by Brendanukkah on Oct 2, 2007 4:23 PM EDT up reply actions

semicolon fun

I guess I started this and I apologize. I just found it really funny. In the midst of a paragraph completely lacking proper capitalization, punctuation and grammar you bravely attempted a semicolon. It was like someone who just bought his first guitar picking his way through Camptown Races then all of a sudden declaring, "I think this is how you do a hammer on!"

This might sound mean, but I intend it in a good natured way. You can go ahead and hate me.

by Red Menace on Oct 3, 2007 2:42 AM EDT up reply actions

Don't worry

i do hate you;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

by The Crushinator on Oct 3, 2007 10:47 AM EDT up reply actions

For the record

sukr drove home. i was passenger seat material. and the bmx stayed immobile until Sat afternoon.

by obc on Oct 2, 2007 6:05 PM EDT reply actions

Huh

So I actually went to a game when everyone was there, and I didn't know it? Figures.

Where is the Bar Louie in Cincinnati?

by Brian B on Oct 2, 2007 10:07 PM EDT reply actions

Where were you?

Dangit, we could have met up. We were the loudass people in the lower part of section 417, above 3B. Oh, and Bar Louie is at Newport On The Levee. Good times were had by all, I think. :)

"Before the (Red) Sox were the Sox, they were the Boston Braves and they were scouting my Dad in 1952." -- Dane Cook

by jch24 on Oct 2, 2007 10:10 PM EDT up reply actions

Section 522

Above homeplate. I may have been the only Reds fan in my section. The game was over before I could order a third beer.

by Brian B on Oct 2, 2007 11:03 PM EDT up reply actions

That's our bad,

actually. Everyone talked about it here and there scattered amongst threads so you might have missed it. We should have put a diary up.

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 2, 2007 10:26 PM EDT up reply actions

We'll definately get a diary up for the

World Series get together.

The Reds and the Radio...They're on it.

by chandrathan on Oct 2, 2007 10:41 PM EDT up reply actions

Nice report

But where's the pics? Didn't someone say sukr had a big-ass camera? Or was that someone else?

On a completely unrelated note, there are still tickets available to the Diamondbacks playoff games. Everyone else is sold out. Not the D-backs.

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Oct 3, 2007 6:43 AM EDT reply actions

I do. So does Slyde.

I was thinking about that last night. It was odd neither of us had a camera. It seems the shutterbug dies with the season.

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 3, 2007 8:29 AM EDT up reply actions

I had already done my picture taking

earlier in the week. I didn't feel like lugging the camera all around, especially since we had been talking about 8 different places to go after the game. I didn't want to take it and then have someone decide that they wanted to go the In Between while my car was in Kentucky.

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 3, 2007 8:34 AM EDT up reply actions

What kind of camera do you have?

How big is your zoom, if that's not too personal a question. ;-)

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Oct 3, 2007 6:33 PM EDT up reply actions

I've got a Canon

EOS Rebel SLR. The 6.5pm that was THE camera about 4 years ago. 300mm telephoto. I don't actually know how to operate this camera, I just think it increases my nerd cred.
Slyde's is essentially the same thing, only he's a Minolta guy.

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 4, 2007 8:18 AM EDT up reply actions

Exsqueeze me?

Minolta my ass! Mine is a Nikon D70.

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 4, 2007 8:30 AM EDT up reply actions

Sorry.

Slyde has one of those non-Canon cameras that is essentially the same thing

Semicolons; RAWK!

by sukr on Oct 4, 2007 8:48 AM EDT up reply actions

Thanks

I have a Rebel, too. Nikons are nice, but Canon is the brand for sports.

I've got a 200mm zoom lens, but I want to go bigger. Or faster. Or both, but that would be expensive.

The Reds are asking people to send in their fan photos. Youse guys should send some in. (But not that one with the kid and the hot dog...)

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Oct 4, 2007 5:09 PM EDT up reply actions

sellout

You'd think there'd be enough Chicago retirees in Arizona to buy up the remaining tickets.

by Red Menace on Oct 3, 2007 9:50 AM EDT up reply actions

Remember

The greatest thing about the Cubs is Wrigley Field. Who wants to watch the team in an inferior park?

I'm not superstitious...but I am a little stitious.

by Slyde on Oct 3, 2007 9:53 AM EDT up reply actions

It has a pool

by Brendanukkah on Oct 3, 2007 9:54 AM EDT up reply actions

Arizona

I think there's something wrong with them.

Crowd swipes dying man's groceries

The sight of an old man being hit by a truck in Arizona touched off a feeding frenzy among witnesses who allegedly stole the dying victim's groceries.
Not only were the man's groceries taken, but the only person who tried to help him also had his own bags taken.

No good deed goes unpunished...

All Things Bubba: Because how can you not love a baseball player named Bubba?

by BubbaFan on Oct 3, 2007 6:39 PM EDT up reply actions