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Rashomon Eyewitless Report 9/23

The day started promisingly enough when I got lost trying to find Dewey's at Easton on the River.

Fortunately, Slyde had my back and I got there in time to see Kitty brutally ignored by the waitress when she tried to pay (she was apparently in the back practicing her TV Theme songs).

JD was not in attendance (this will become a common theme).

RHM tossed matchbooks over the balcony to the adoring masses below.

Red Menace and I bonded over cheese pizza...that was a nice jersey, and only $500 in 1990 dollars...what a bargain.

Sukr helped out OhioBobcat with a jersey so he would not have been the only person in the group not wearing Reds gear.

Slyde, Sukr, OhioBobcat, Red Menace, and I all began the loooong march across the Ohio, first locating the cars in the garage that we didn't drive and finding where the buses would have been had they been running and then ambling across that long bridge. I was walking on unsteady legs. So, on the way over, Sukr comandeered a stretch Hummer bus/limo with a squad of Girl Scout ninjas in the back. We all got off at the first stop.

JD was still not in attendance.

We made it into the Hall of Justice, where we all marvelled at the Scott Scudder autographed baseball card and watched in amazement as Lee May signed the back of an envelope. There were too damn many stairs for someone who felt as crappy as I did.

After being separated from the group, we came upon the pitching mound. I umpired Sukr and Red Menace. Surprisingly, they threw nothing in the strike zone. At least, that is the way the umpire called it. Many laughs were had....then it was my turn to pitch. 4 pitches, 4 balls, and one near passing-out spell later, we were off to stand in the rain. I got better when I stood on the first base side of the rubber.

Then it was the Machine Room, and I appreciate everyone sitting down to prevent me from passing out. We happily watched the OSU game and did not pass out (except for RHM, who did pass out more matchbooks...lobbing them over the wall at passers-by).

JD was still not in attendance.

Sukr whipped out the laptop, which was immediately commandeered by RM and locked up trying to hustle fantasy stats. Apparently, he had a ballpark tip and wanted to get Aurilia out of his lineup. Too bad, so sad.

Then it was out to the park and the mopping of the seats began. I did not want to seem anti-social, but after I got my seat dry, I sat there and recovered for a couple of innings/days. Eventually, I got up and stumbled off in search of caffeine. I spent the best $5.50 I have ever spent and got an MDX. Finished it at my seat and about a half inning later, the spikes were taken out of my temples and I could actually enjoy the game. I was giddy at every error, because I was no longer in pain! Halleleujah MDX!

It was about that time that RM heard the group of Girl Scouts we encountered earlier chanting Lets Go Reds above us. He thought they said Lets Go Cubs and waded into the pack of them with a machete. The violence was palpable. After realizing his mistake, many boxes of cookies were sold in pennance.

But pity poor Matt Murton in the stands. How he survived after RM leapt off the second deck on top of his foam finger, I will never know. The finger was taken by ambulance to a local hospital, where it was pronounced wet on arrival.

Then JD quietly arrived in the stands, with his retinue of bodyguards. Who knew that we were all to be cavity searched before his arrival?

Ash and I did get to the bottom of one major mystery. Jason LaRue is playing like crap this year because he had his soul removed. If you look at the picture they ran last night for the $250,000,000 giveaway, you will see a black spot where his soul was surgically removed.

Rally caps were on to help ensure more errors on the part of the Reds. The unofficial scorers in the stands had somewhere between 9 and 15 errors on the Reds, but sadly enough for Michael, none on Adam Dunn. Pity that Michael was not with us last night. He would have been in prime heckling range.

A good time was had by all...er, most. Caleb's hat didn't look too happy.

There's room for more RR Nation come Redsfest. Other than the cavity searches, which we need to minimize.

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