Kenny Rodgers's Mystery Goo

by Gapper on Oct 23, 2006 3:03 PM EDT

As many of you know, that beautiful human being Kenny Rodgers was approached by the umpires after the first inning of Sunday's game because he was carrying a certain substance on his pitching hand. The umps simply asked Rodgers to wipe the substance from his hand, and MLB has since reported that it was a "clump of dirt," of which Rodgers wasn't aware.

It should be noted, of course, that Rodgers went on to pitch seven shutout frames after the substance was wiped. Using this as a reason, MLB has downplayed the whole event (giving it, I might add, the same treatment they give to all scandals, eg steroids).

Here's why I think Rodgers is full of crap:

The substance is rather glossy in this photo; I have never known infield dirt, or any other dirt, to be glossy like this. Rather, I would expect a "clump of dirt" to be matte.

Pitchers are notoriously meticulous in protecting and caring for their pitching arms and hands off the field, and I find it rather unlikely that such a sizeable amount of goo on his pitching hand would go unnoticed.

A less-valid reason, simply because of the mouth which uttered it, is that LaRussa reported that several of his batters told him the ball was moving strangely prior to the umpires inspecting Rodgers's hand.

The final reason is that, from all accounts I've received, Kenny Rodgers is a wretched human being.

Poll

What is Kenny Rodgers's Mystery Goo?

Syrup from Pre-Game Pancakes

3 votes

Pine Tar

21 votes

Fecal Matter

25 votes

Dirt

3 votes

Other

3 votes

55 votes | Poll has closed

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Comments

Chocolate Cake..

..and Mashed Potatoes and Gravy as Todd Jones suggested.

Umm.. Yeah.. Sure it was.. He was saving it for later when he was hungry so he could have it with his Roasters....

by snohio on Oct 23, 2006 3:08 PM EDT reply actions

I'm glad you included fecal matter

That's what came to mind when I looked at the picture. Some cultures used to wipe with their left hand (and ONLY their left hand), and it looks like maybe he was paying homage to that. In which case, let us all be grateful that the umpires made him wash his hands.

Cheating or no cheating, Rogers was definitely on last night. It has been pointed out too that the Cardinals had the most success off of him in the first inning, while he still had the mystery spot. Maybe he should have been tossed, but he wasn't (and LaRussa and the umps both had ample time to challenge/eject him), so I'm satisfied with the outcome of the proceedings. Especially since the Cardinals lost. Which they would have, goop or no goop. Now, if Todd Jones gets a 1-2-3 inning, I would say that his hands should be checked...

by Brendanukkah on Oct 23, 2006 3:08 PM EDT reply actions

the EPSN frontpate

has a good picture of the same glop on the same spot of Rogers hand during the ALCS. And reports are surfacing of it being there going back into the regular season. Maybe he really likes that cake and gravy.

The mystery is why Larussa didn't make a bigger deal about it and possibly get Rogers ejected. I've heard several theories:

*Larussa was biding his time but the Fox cameras blew it before he was ready. Similarly Billy Martin waited for months before pointing out the pine tar on George Brett's bat after his home run.

*Mind games--Larussa didn't want to make too big a deal out of it because it would get into his players' heads. In retrospect he should have pushed for the ejection.

*TLR didn't want to show up his best buddy Jim Leyland.

*A Cardinal pitcher is also up to no good, so TLR didn't play that hand.

*TLR won a World Series with Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco. Who is he to call someone on cheating?

by Red Menace on Oct 23, 2006 3:22 PM EDT reply actions

Lefty's got nothing to do with it!

I know because I'm lefty. This just boils down to him being a crupler, not a folder. The disadvantage to the cumple is obviously neatness. But speed is the upside. He must have had a snafu with the long-johns he was wearing. That button-up flap can foul the whole works when you're in a hurry.

I'm a boobs guy.

by sukr on Oct 23, 2006 3:52 PM EDT reply actions

Molasses!

I hate Kenny Rogers
He is a cheat
He is a jerk
Therefore I want the Tigers to win because I despise the Cardinals.
Thank God for Socrates because that's some damn good logic I'm working!

I gotta take a wicked "yes"! - Peter Griffin

by NYRed on Oct 23, 2006 3:52 PM EDT reply actions

Coolest theory so far

Is that Rogers has the dirt on his hand to divert attention from his cap, which is where he's really keeping the naughty stuff. That would explain why he continued to dominate after getting rid of the dirt. Then again, to paraphrase Jason Mewes, he may just have a wiping problem.

by teb7 on Oct 23, 2006 3:52 PM EDT reply actions

That

is the only theory that makes sense. Why would he pitch more shutout innings AFTER the goo was removed?

"Players have two things to do. Play and keep their mouths shut." -Sparky Anderson

by boohiss on Oct 23, 2006 4:55 PM EDT up reply actions

Maybe

he just pitched well without the goo?

by Slyde on Oct 23, 2006 4:57 PM EDT up reply actions

Question

Am I hurting the game because I don't care? I've seen lots of different places where people are really angry about this, but the only reaction I can muster is "meh." I guess I figure that cheating out in the open when you can get caught isn't as bad as cheating in a back room so no one can find you. Besides, the Cardinals had the option to cause a stink about it and they didn't. The way I see it, if people are going to be mad at anybody it should be at TLR and his staff. It wouldn't surprise me if Rogers wasn't the only one out of the field that was doing something against the rules to give himself an edge. Part of the art of baseball has always been to push the rules on the field to your advantage. Why should we be surprised that it still happens?

by Slyde on Oct 23, 2006 4:04 PM EDT reply actions

Oh, but you're soooo wrong!

Where do you draw the line, Slyde? What's next, Borg attatchements(for OBC)? </sarcasm>

I love this Cards fan at BYB:
" i was wondering how a washed up mediocre pitcher suddenlly turned into cyyoung??? how must it feel for him to have the whole nation know that hes a cheat?? damn is winning that important you gotta cheat?? i guess and he got away with it oh well"

If it was in all caps, I'd have thought BShaky became a fan of St.L. Besides, he forgot to mention that Polanco was blatantly in violation of the "no ninja hood" regulation. His XL nog and temples had to have been warmer than veryone else's, thus and unfair advantage I think.

I'm a boobs guy.

by sukr on Oct 23, 2006 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions

the truth

I had to google Borg attachments. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming....

Now, if I'm a Hall of Famer for you, that's all right with me. Just keep loving old Buck. Don't weep for Buck. No, man, be happy, be thankful. *Buck O'Neill*

by ohiobobcat on Oct 23, 2006 9:57 PM EDT up reply actions

In other news

He looks just like Bruce Willis in that picture.

Bruce Willis

"Players have two things to do. Play and keep their mouths shut." -Sparky Anderson

by boohiss on Oct 23, 2006 5:03 PM EDT reply actions

I think he looks kinda

like Lou Piniella.

"No, no, no. It's "step, pivot, step, pause." Are you TRYING to piss off the volcano god?" - Peter Griffin

by Ash on Oct 23, 2006 11:52 PM EDT up reply actions

am i the only one

who is really excited about this? I disagree with you, slyde... i care because i really like the fact that he had the healthy balls to try a stunt like the in the world effing series... i think that's amazing. I cant wait for him to come out with his tell-all book in which he says "Yeah, I doctored the ball and got away with it. Ha! Bet you never threw a shineball in the world series..."

he's one of my new favorite non-reds.

Fynal Cut... Get skewered

by boobs on Oct 23, 2006 8:27 PM EDT reply actions